Why Is It Always Dad's Job?
Why is it always dad's job to pay for lunch money? Why is it always dad's job to buy clothes, shoes, and finance extra activities? Basically, why is it always dad's job to be the 24 hour ATM?
That is what SS was told when he asked his mom for lunch money last week. Things have been a little tight at our house because of bills and trying to save so SS can have a nice christmas. BF called BM and asked kindly if she would put some money in SS's lunch account since he has forked over lunch money the ENTIRE school year so far. She was all nicey nicey on the phone to BF about it, but as soon as she got off the phone, she told SS that it was his dad's job to do that. That seems to be her answer for everything when we need her to contribute financially for anything.
She seems to think that because she has his sister full time (she has a child from her first marriage), that BF needs to take care of everything regarding SS. She even told SS this!! How awful is that?
Obviously, BF had SS all by himself....grr.....
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Does your BF pay CS, because
Does your BF pay CS, because if he does that is what CS is for, lunches, school fees, clothes, shoes etc..... Your BF can also stop paying for all of these things if he is paying CS but the problem with that is BM big mouth to SS. That's one thing you and BF are never going to be able to control.
Is it possible for your BF to only give half the money for whatever it is so then BM has no choice but to put in the other half?
Nope, he doesn't pay child support.
Their custody order is joint legal 50/50 split with all expenses for SS split down the middle, negating child support for either party. So she is supposed to be paying half of everything. Which she doesn't. She owes BF a few grand in insurance premiums, since he covers SS on insurance, and she's supposed to pay half. He has yet to see a penny.
The bad thing is, is that we don't want to see SS go without because she's being a butthead and won't help. She knows this and takes full advantage. She's able to buy things he DOESN'T need (like a new Wii), but when it comes time for stuff like school supplies or lunch money, she cries poor. It sucks all around at times.
That is the
sucky part of it all. The BM's know this, so they play on the guilt..... ya know... the "ss will go without" crap if you don't pay up. BM used to do that to us too. We finally said enough is enough and refused to send her anything over CS. Skids did not go without, she forked it over. BUT, some BM's are cruel enough to let their kids go w/out.
I agree.
I'm tired of her playing the guilt card. She knows that we would never let him go without, especially if it's something that he really needs. What really takes the cake is that she recently came into some extra money. She got her sign-on bonus at work since she has been at that job x amount of time. She couldn't help but brag about it to SS(who in turn told us). So she DOES have money, but she won't help out! ARGH!!
Brooklynne
My situation is just like yours. Dh does not pay child support and also has a 50/50 custody arrangement, However, we also pay for everything. You name it and we pay for it. We also cover the insurance for the skids and all medical as well.
Once mil said to me that, that was the agreement that they had. If it was it sure isn't outlined in the divorce decree that way.
I never thought anything of it until now since we are so tight financially. But as far as I have seen her obligation stopped at giving birth.
We're in this boat too...
50/50 custody and we pay child support, health insurance, daycare and 60% of all non-covered expenses.
BM has even resorted to sending teeth with the girls because, and I quote, the tooth fairy only goes to Dad's house.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Wow, CG- THAT'S priceless!!!
Are your POS BM and ours related? That definitely sounds like something ours would resort to.
Better yet..thinking back...I'm pretty sure ours just sent DH a BILL for reimbursement for the teeth, along with the monthly $4.00 milk money fee!
(As if $4200+/month, plus DH paying ALL education, medical, dental, etc expenses and 50/50 custody isn't enough?!)
Good God, how CHEAP can these biotches get?
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
It's an ASSumption...
that our DH's pay for EVERYTHING.
BM had this thought process instilled upon her while they were married. Why would this way of life stop simply because she is no longer married to the poor schmuck? Why should her life-sucking ways ever cease simply because the divorce was finalized?
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
You'll appreciate this one, CG
Back when DH & his ex were "negotiating" the ceasing of alimony (over $4200/mo)- and I don't know WHY there was any "negotiating" going on about it- she broke the contract by shacking up with her new "Mr. Wonderful" and DH caught her with the help of a private eye...
Anyway, they met up in a diner to discuss things face-to-face before going to the lawyers, and she said to him with a serious straight face, "But don't you feel obligated to take care of me for the rest of my life?"
DH almost fell off the chair! He laughed in her face. This was the same woman who had an affair on him in their home while the children were home, lied to him and said they would work on the marriage so she could steal things out of the house, screwed him in the divorce for every red cent, shacks up with this new guy, and then, with a sober face, thinks DH is going to STILL take care of her FOREVER?!
And here's the sad, pathetic thing...today, 6 years after that conversation...she still thinks that!
I wonder what color the sky is in her world?
:?
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Whatever the color...
I think your skids' BM crowned queen..and mine, the princess.
And the damned divorce decrees are like the Sheriff of Nottingham who takes all our money.
Where in the hell is Robin Hood when you need him?!?!
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
That does beat all!
Even our BM doesn't even do that! Sad.
Our BM tried "Ask your father"
but it backfired on her. SD stb13 is quite immature and outgoing, and would tell DH that BM told her to ask Daddy. After a couple months last year of SD *only* calling when she wanted DH to shell out cash, DH confronted her on it, and told her that he was starting to feel like an ATM and not a father. SD was mortified, and doesn't call asking for stuff anymore. Of course, she doesn't call at all anymore, so....
BM also likes to claim that she neeeeeeds the 2500 sq ft 4br 3ba house and the new car (this iteration is a 2008 Chrysler convertible) every two years "for the kids!" But whoops, only one of the kids is DH's child.
I feel sorry for BM's husband. He seems like a nice guy, but if she treats him the way she did DH.... At least with his income she doesn't cry poor nearly as often.
~Trish
Skids bm did the same
She always told the kids that she did not have any money. The poor skids would always talk about how poor mommy had no money for anything and were always worried for her. I am sure that part of it was to make dh feel guilty. I think it is sad that she did that to them.
I hate my boyfriends kid
I cant stand my boyfriends son. I have been with my guy for 2.5 years and this kid runs his life. Its pathetic. I still dont know who the son's mother is or what she looks like only on pictures)Not that I want to because the mom looks like an ape. I wouldnt even want to insult the poor primates with that gesture but its true. Whats even worse is that the kid is 12 and is ugly just like his mother. I could go on and on and im new at this but I bet noone on this site hates any kid more than I hate this one. I wish he would disappear forver.
What is with BM's talking to
What is with BM's talking to their freaking kids about adult crap??!? My SS8's BM is always telling him that she is poor, and my hubby pays for child support plus everything SS8 needs. SS8 will come over and be like "Mom has no money. We can't even have breakfast food." Or SS8 will call my DH and say "Mom needs her child support check early or we won't be able to pay rent." HAS HER SON DO IT!!!!!! Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice. Once, my DH and the BM were going to each pay half of SS8's yearbook. And SS8 went to his piggy bank and got out his Mom's half. But wait, did I mention that BM has the money to party like a freakin rockstar every weekend??? And she doesn't just buy a 12 pack of Bud and bring it home. Biotch goes OUT and parties it up. Makes me sick.
Fake it til you make it!
Don't you hate BM's?!
BM always, ALWAYS asks for money! Sometimes, when she knows DH will say no to her, she has SD8 ask for her. Too bad DH is too smart to realize what BM is doing.
BM needs money for SD8's clothes, lunch, daycare, EVERY LITTLE THING SHE CAN THINK OF!!!! So where does all the CS money go to? Most likely BM's brand new car, expensive condominium, expensive clothes, expensive jewelry, EXPENSIVE EVERYTHING. Garablaaaah! I hate her so much. She lives way beyond her financial means and because of it DH suffers. And if DH doesn't cough up cash right then and there when SHE needs it, she'll come up with some lame excuse to keep SD8 on our weekend. Granted, I tap dance around the house when I find out when we don't have to watch satan child... but still... BM is an awful woman to do that, especially since it mostly hurts DH.
Anyway, what I wanted to say is that I completely understand. BM's just like to have control over our DH's. I think they should all just be shipped off into to space and to never be seen again.
My BM is the same way
She and DH had 50/50 custody and no CS because of equal incomes. So BM just decided to stick it to DH. She got him to agree to pay for SD's daycare expenses (SD was 2 when they divorced), to the tune of $400 a month. To me, that's the same as having to pay CS without getting the credit. When SD got old enough to be home alone, BM made DH pay for after-school care, just because she could. BM never paid a PENNY for SD's school lunches from the time they divorced until this year (SD is 15 and now lives with her). If SD had a school project to complete, BM wouldn't buy her the supplies and would tell SD to ask DH. So SD would come over JUST to get daddy to go shopping with her. I could go on and on... Hope it helps to know you're not alone, not sure there's anything you can do to change it. I tried to get DH to "stand up" to BM with regard to school lunches. I knew it would only take SD going hungry once for her to either ask BM for the money (she would always ask DH instead) or make her own lunch (she was 10 at the time). DH thought that was cruel and unusual punishment and refused to do it.
Well,
After much griping and complaining, BM forked over $$ for SS's lunches. It actually didn't take much dialogue on BF's part to get her to pay up. All he said was that if she wasn't going to help out on something so small, that he might as well take her to court for contempt of the custody order and sue her for back insurance premiums (since she has never paid him a penny for that). She paid right up. }:)
LOL
poetic justice!