Well I wrote this before I talked to my DH about what I saw, he was upset but he didn't have the reaction I expected. I told him all of your suggestions and asked if he wanted me to call CPS or if he wanted to and request a wellness check for SS. He really didn't say anything, I think what is really sad is that he wants him to be safe and happy but I think the thought of really having SS full time scares him. BM and MIL have really in a lot of ways screwed up SS and I think it discourages my DH to have him around because he doesn't seem to have much impact and plus SS is just difficult. The more SS is around the more my DH has to admit to himself that he really doesn't like his own child much, the core personality of SS not just even the enviromental stuff. He is so different with our daughter, fully engaged and a wonderful father, but then our child is easy. She is always happy, always has slept through the night, doesn't whine, plus just because of the nature of humans she is simply with him all the time and I think that makes a difference in how some people bond. He wasn't able to be with SS much when he was a baby because he had to work 2 jobs so that BM could go to school and then be useless the rest of the time and then they divorced and after that it was only ever other weekend and the summer. BUt by then SS was 2 and a half and already difficult and DH still had to work a lot of the time SS was with him. It wasn't until SS was about 5 that DH's scedule allowed him to really spend more of his parenting time actually with him and by then a lot of seperation had been done. I think both SS and DH want to be bonded but its just not there, and as annoying as SS is I feel bad for him because I don't think he has a REAL connection with either of his parents so he tries like hell to be up there asses and get attention hoping to connect with one of them. Its just a sad situation for everyone involved and honestly I don't know what is going to happen with SS an all fo this right now.