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Thumbs down on midweek visit.

Bradymom's picture

Midweek visit. Pick kids up from school. Sounds simple enough. In theory. Well because of parent alienation & trying to get bio mom to a place of "comfort" to release control. The counselor (4th in line now, by court order) suggests this is how it goes.

DH & bio mom go to school. Park by each other. Kids come out of school. Kids give bio mom backpacks & say HI. then get in car with DH.

Sounds simple. A bit ridiculous. But simple. Whatever. So week after week stepdaughter (8 at the time) withdrawn & flat out weird acting & stepson 12 crying, always crying... This is how they come in the door from car (I'm at home) Finally I can't take it (like 3 months of this happening) and I ask DH what the heck? Why do we do this? I'm looking for places to go for the evening, we hate Wednesdays. Why?! What's the point! Then I ask, tell me what is happening...

He says they park next to each other & then kids GET in bio moms car & stay in for 10-15 min & he can see her talking non-stop to them. So. She's filling their heads with crap!?!

So I say, talk to counselor, it's ridiculous. That needs to stop. He does. The counselor says & I quote "Between you & your wife you need to figure out how to deal with this control & manipulation."

So I say... New plan. We both go. Park next to bio mom. Get out of car. Meet kids at door. Then we ALL walk to bio mom's car & they give her their damn bags & say HI. NO GETTING IN CAR!!! DH you say, get in car kids.

We have been doing this for months now. Last plan was last year & a month of this year & ever since, we have been doing this plan. Guess what?! No crying. No weird behavior. No withdrawness. EXCEPT when bio mom isn't there. Stepson (almost 13 now) can't take it. He seriously has adapted to the stupidity & can't handle when there's not tention or chaos, so he creates it.

So for a long while DH was very faithful about, if you come with a bad attitude, you do chores! (Like 20 min to start... Then increase as needed) It worked beautifully. He's slacking now & stepson is a ball of crying fits all the time.

Grrrrr. I reminded him that we had such great results before, DH thinks he should just keep reminding him to do what's expected. Ugh. Why?!? Because it works with the other 2 kids. HE IS DIFFERENT!!! I can't say that enough. (He really could careless about disappointing dad) Blah blah.

Okay. That's out. Stepkids. Ugh.

MIDWEEK VISIT: thumbs up or thumbs down???? What do you think?


Bradymom's picture

I think the same. But it's bc of the behavior of bio mom when she feels the control is pulled. It's the counselor setting it up.

Bradymom's picture

They've been divorced since 2006. We have been married 4 years. Bio mom remarried for 5 years.

askYOURdad's picture

Because taking the backpacks to dad's and then bringing them to mom's that night is just ridiculous???

Bradymom's picture

Exactly stuff like that. It's constant. From things being said about the teachers to relatives... The kids are taught to not make relationships, trust or love unless she allows it.

Bradymom's picture

I feel the same. But honestly I have seen the insanity. When the order was first in place. & DH picked the kids up that first time. She constantly texted stepson & tried to arrange them to walk to a park to meet her. Because SHE HAD TO SEE THAT THEY WERE OKAY. (Roll eyes) We said no to the park. So the texts turned to DH. Insane. Then into counselor. Bio mom confessing she needs to see them after school. The purpose is: get bio mom to calm down so kids aren't experiencing insanity.

I get that. But when bio mom has a hair apt, massage or whatever... All of a sudden "I won't be to get kids backpacks today" Oh dear god. Will they be ok?!?! It's dumb. Believe me. It's dumb. Also note::: bio mom has to drive 8 miles in to do this!!! Coocoo.