If anyone follows my blog...
A quick overview.
My inlaws are WAY OVER THE TOP OUT OF CONTROL with no boundaries.
My father in law hit me with his hat 1/14 in a rage, while my DH & I were having a talk with him & MIL about them telling skids to lie about something.
I had a stroke 1/16. 36 hours after being hit. I have a history of PTSD from past abusive marriage.
I had FULL PHYSICAL 16 days earlier. NO WARNING SIGNS. all because of stress.
The person I believed was my best friend confessed she was having sex with my brother in law for 2 years when she came to see me THE DAY after.
I tell my sister in law & end the friendship.
Okay. So brother in law goes to counseling. The counselor has him going 2x a week. There's some BIG issues. Counselor says NO CONTACT with PARENTS. Because they are toxic & they do not know how to love appropriately. I have been saying this for FOUR YEARS. Exact words. Exact. So DH & I are talking & he says "They love in their own way." I say "No, DH. They do not love appropriately. That is not the same as 'they love in their own way' That means their way of loving hurts. Their way of loving causes problems. It's not healthy. When you become an adult you have to overcome the damage it caused. It's not appropriate."
We continued to talk. I told him that when I tell ANYONE the things your parents have done or said the reaction I get is "Get away from these people! These people are not well! That is not normal. Stay away from them. Protect yourself. Etc." Wether it be my counselor, friends, the blog, family, etc. The reaction is the same. And now his brother goes to this professional & he is told the exact same thing.
How long are we going to continue to allow them to destruct our lives. 90% of our issues are because of them directly. He's not only to blame only for continuing with them. I have issues letting go also. We can't wish them to be healthy or to love appropriately. It's hard. But how many generations do we allow it to affect?
It was a good talk. He says he has no desire to communicate with his mom. That when he does it's ONLY out of guilt. He does have desire to talk to his dad, because he feels he still wants dad's approval.
I recognize over these two months that his dad most likely wasn't trying to hit me that night, but was going to hit the table & hit me on the way to hitting the table. BUT. I'm 115 lbs. He is 550. I have PTSD. He came from behind in rage. Yelling. Trying to intimidate & scare us. That is not acceptable. Who does that? AND. when he did hit me. He didn't say anything. And I cried hysterically. I freaked out. Like freaked the hell out.
Hearing my husband say that, hurts. It hurts. It's not like I want him to hate his dad or his mom. But I had a stroke as a result of his dad hitting me. And there's no anger. No resentment. No nothing. DH is a loving man. He is. But. But. When I was hit & crying hysterically. Hysterically meaning... Shaking, sobbing, audiuably, nose running, unable to talk, making ga-ga-ga sounds, he was within 18 inches from me. This went on for 20 minutes. He had NO reaction. None. None. No appropriate reaction.
We talked about that immediately after leaving their home. I was very upset, confused how he could not show any care. He really had no answers.
I have no more words. I'm out of thoughts. I guess I do want him to hate his dad for what he did to me. I think that would be appropriate love. His wife is deaf in one ear, blind in an eye & wearing a diaper.