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A Question for the Moms

Bobbi's picture

I have a question for the Moms. My BF’s daughter is 13 and will be a Freshman in high school next year. My BF still insists on tucking his daughter into bed and giving her a kiss. I know every parent is different, but my parents stop doing this when I was 11. I still said good night and gave each a hug and kiss before putting myself in bed.

The reason for my concern is that I do not feel she is maturing at a normal rate for a girl her age. She still says stuff like “Duckey and Horsey.” Is this normal?

She doesn’t have many friends and the ones I have met seem to be more mature. They also avoid spending time with her outside of school. She called to invite one of her girlfriends over and the girl said she couldn’t come because she had to clean the bathroom. Clean the bathroom?

When she does have a friend over, my BF goes up to her room every hour on the hour. He will sit on the floor and talk to them. I think it is wise to check on kids from time to time, but how much trouble can two girls alone in a room get into? There is no phone, the computer has parental control, and she doesn’t have cable. If I were the friend, I would be asking myself, what’s up with her father.

I know this really isn't my business because it's his child. But, I would like to I reading too much into this?


lovin-life's picture

My daughter is 13....and wouldn't say ducky or horsy...unless she was making fun of someone who did...or joking around. She isn't tucked in at night. A kiss....EEEWWWW!!! Not from any of her 'parents' She will tell us 'I love you' front of her friends....and I think that's cool.

(..and 21yr old SD never stopped giving her Dad a kiss.)

Yeah... to sounds like there are some maturity issues with her. It's going to be hard for her because girls are such social creatures and to not have a close 'girlfriend' to associate with outside of school.

This could be a touchy subject to discuss with him...

Maybe she is just a 'late bloomer' and high school will speed up the maturing process. Maybe some guidance or social tips from you could help her out..? Smile

mamaceta's picture

I know how important it is to my daughter that I don't baby her especially in front of her friends. She is only seven but even at this age how she fits in socially is very important to her.

It is hard to let go and realize that your little girl is growing up but it is a part of life. I think your BF is having a hard time with dealing with the fact that his little girl is growing up.

By going in and sitting in her room when she has friends over he is taking away her autonomy. I think lovin life had the best idea...perhaps you could help her gain more insight and guidance from a woman's point of view.

looking4answers's picture

First of all, I think it's awesome that your DH and SD are close. That is a good thing. I'm not too fond of the tucking in at 13, but a goodnight kiss is nice. Maybe talk to DH and get on the same page with having her say goodnight to you both and then putting herself to bed. We all know at 13 you do not need to be tucked in! I have a SS who is almost 13, and when he's here he always insists that I tuck him in.. personally, I hate it, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I have told him (and FH) numerous times, when he turns 13 this stops! In my opinion, that is entirely too old to require tuck ins. As for the 'baby talk', my SD14 does this a lot when playing around, and I have to admit that myself and my FH also do this. Mostly because of having a toddler in the house. Wink Maybe she's just being silly?

melis070179's picture

I think its great that DH is involved with her & her friends, as long as it doesn't go too far. Maybe just going in once and talking with them, not every hour. She needs her own space with her friends, but its also great for him to stay involved. And these days kids grow up WAY too fast, so be pleased that she is a late bloomer and not one of those kids going out & doing drugs, skipping school, having sex, etc. Her maturity will come, probably overnight things like this will all stop and you guys will be wondering where the little girl went. High school changed us all and I'm sure it will her too!

smurfy1smile's picture

My BD12 is no longer the lovey, dovey little girl she once was. I only get a hug when she wants something. I don't tuck her in and neither does her dad. Usually, it's more like, "hey, wasn't your bedtime half an hour ago" "But I am hungry" "Go to bed" "Whatever!" "Good night, I love you!" as she stomps downstairs to her room. Puberty is over rated and at this point if my daughter can live through it so can we.

Done's picture

I don't think there is anything wrong with the tucking in or goodnight kisses. She does sound immature for her age though. There is going to come a time when she won't even want people to know she is related to her father. Let him enjoy those little moments with his daughter your kids only stay young for so long then they are gone.

Most Evil's picture

A male in a room with two girls will squelch all 'girl talk'! He needs to just leave them alone when she has someone over. Or just ask if they want popcorn or something, then leave.

I kissed my parents every night but tucking in is a bit much, unless she is sick or something.

Smothering is bad and will make her doubt herself. Standing back will build her confidence that she can handle herself!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

Lulu's picture

I dont think tucking in is a bad thing if it doesnt bother her. My bio kids are 10&12 and it doesnt bother them, in fact some times they aske me to. Maybe, interferring while a friend is over is pushing it though. As for baby talk, who knows, everyone is different. Late maturity may not be a bad thing, girls are way too grown up too fast these days.