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SD stays in her room

Blueskyz's picture

SD11 visits every other weekend. I’m not sure why though bc lately all she does is stay in her room playing on her phone. She doesn’t really talk unless we ask her questions. Is this normal preteen behavior or should we be concerned .....  



tog redux's picture

Knowing your situation, I think this is a symptom of parental alienation.  Yes, adolescents spend more time in their room and on their phones, but typically they also have some positive interactions with their parents and others in the home. And your SD is only 11, so a bit young for that kind of adolescent behavior.  My guess is that she is texting BM much of her weekend.

DH should push her gently to leave her phone behind and get involved in activities with you. Maybe even talk to her about whether she's feeling guilty about having fun at your house (she may deny it, but at least she will know DH knows).

Your BM is an alienator, her behavior has shown that. I don't want to scare you, but there is a good chance she will refuse all visitation as soon as BM thinks she's old enough to get away with it - 14 or so.

DH should research alienation and ideas for engaging SD.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

My stepbrat behaves similarly but I’ve disengaged. I focus on what I should and need to which is my real kids, my DH and myself (when I need to) and my mom and my few friends. Not to mention the &@€£ housework!

Chmmy's picture

Count your blessings. I wish SS12 & SS10 would stay in their rooms. We cant wven get them to stay in their rooms overnight. All I want is 8 hrs of peace from 9pm-5am...actually the alarm goea off at 440

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

To some degree, I think it’s normal for any kid that age, COD or not. BUT... it could be the beginnings of PAS. It was in our case. BM ordered the skids to limit all contact and communication with us while at our house. So, if you think that’s what’s going on in your case, try to combat it by having your DH do things with her, engage her in conversation, etc. and never let her start deciding she doesn’t want to come for visitation, kids don’t get to make that choice. It may be no use if the BM is super high conflict and dead set on “winning,” but tour DH needs to at least try. Good luck! I feel for you.

Gracefulsilver's picture

It's an up hill battle.  My SD is like yours but instead feels that she should have free roam of the house and her dad should stay in his room.  She treats the kitchen as a bathroom and the living room as her bedroom.  Then she does nothing but sleep all the time.  Then she goes crying to BM how we neglect her.  I am so done with SD.  She will be lucky if I even acknowledge that she exists anymore.