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Giving up

Blueskyz's picture

For 7 years I helped raise this child. Every other week. Custody changed and she moved away with her mom and we rarely see her now (She's 12) shes constantly in trouble at school, got arrested once for cyber bullying. Called cps on us twice (both cases unfounded) She makes excuses not to come to our house and tbh my husband (herBD) doesn't even care anymore. It's like we don't even know her anymore. Her life is with her Mom and their family, and we feel disgaurded (like she threw us away) she's a angry child. We picked her up Wednesday, had Thanksgiving, with family, and then she wanted to go shopping so we went. After that she said she was sick and wanted to go home. So she called her Mom and she came and got her. Everything has changed now. Her Dad doesn't even care to pick her up anymore. (Go back and read my blog for the whole story) she left today and I was relieved. I was glad she left. This is a little girl I spent every other week with for 7 years l. I feel bad but it's like the bond has broken and she's not comfortable here and neither are we. Is this a normal feeling or are we just awful ppl. 

 

Comments

Kes's picture

No, of course you aren't awful people.  SD12 has a lot of issues, obviously.  I think if she doesn't want to come it's best to let her be for the time being.  She may change when she's older and want to re-establish some sort of relationship with her Dad. 

Mandy45's picture

There something about SDs I've seen it a lot in other peoples posts and myself with my own SD they seem to go a bit nutty as they get to there teens. You can send yourself mad trying to figure it out. But you never seem to get anywhere.  If she wants a relationship with her father. She do it on her terms. 

thinkthrice's picture

parental alienation on youtube. its no coincidence that as soon as the BM 'n' clan got full custody, your SD's personality changed toward you and DH plus the acting out and calling CPS on you.

sadly this happens all.the.time

don't beat yourself up. your SD has been essentially brainwashed with Stockholm Syndrome.

tog redux's picture

If I remember right, this SD has been alienated and was acting out for years in your home, to the point where DH opted to let BM have custody.

I'd expect her to be this way for years to come, and possibly well into her adulthood.  All DH can do is keep the lines of communication open and hope for the best as she ages. Many kids who are alienated do return to having a relationship with the alienated parent, but it requires patience and effort on the part of the targeted parent - to keep in touch and have a thick skin about how the alienated kid behaves towards them.

Harry's picture

I would not be taking her shopping.  I don't care if it's unfounded. It's still out there.  And may be next time it's going to be harder to prove unfoundness .  I would disengage.  You can't do more then birth parents.  DH has given up.

Harry's picture

I would not be taking her shopping.  I don't care if it's unfounded. It's still out there.  And may be next time it's going to be harder to prove unfoundness .  I would disengage.  You can't do more then birth parents.  DH has given up.