You are here

BM moved away with SD

Blueskyz's picture

BM has taken Sd11 and moved 40 miles away? She moved in with her bf and his 15 year old son. The bank is foreclosing on her house. SD11 told me this yesterday. I did some detective work today and their house is empty, so it seems they have moved away. BM didn’t even bother to tell Dh this. (Not surprising)

It never stops .... She’s in contempt of court for doing this but I honestly don’t even care if they move to the Moon. Who wants to pay MORE attorney fees? .... not this girl! I think DH is beginning to see he’s fighting a losing battle.

Comments

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

The chaos and dysfunction doesn't stop, does it? I feel sorry for you and DH that you have more nonsense to deal with, and sorry for SD that she has more disruption and instability. Her mother really is a piece of work.

STaround's picture

On top of hurting Dad's relationship with his SD, this is a very dangerous situation for the SD.   I hope dad tells his DD that she can always call him, and I think dad should notifiy the local police that if any arrests made at the house, he will be glad to take his DD, does not want her being given to any other adult or foster care.  

STaround's picture

The likelihood of a girl being sexually abused is geometrically higher when she is living in a household with mom's BF.    The SB only adds to the potential problems.  I don't get a wam feeling here that mom will have her eyes open.  I get the feeling that mom only wants a place to live.  

tog redux's picture

Not all men are sex offenders.  Not all boys are potential sex offenders.  Would you want your husband or son looked at as potential sex offenders, rather than people?

We have no evidence that this BM is prone to putting her child in this type of danger (except from parental alienation, of course). Women remarry all the time when they have daughters.

STaround's picture

1.  Girls in more dange with mom's live in BF than any other family situation, including mom remarried.

2.  Mom is financially irresponsible, which is how she got herself into this situation.  When she got foreclosed on, which takes months, she could have sent DD to live with dad.  She needs to get her act together.  

 

tog redux's picture

All kids are in more danger of abuse with a live-in BF.  But I still see no evidence that this mother puts her kids in danger that way. And lots of people live with someone they eventually marry.

Lots of people also let houses go to foreclosure now.  It doesn't necessarily mean she's financially irresponsible, it could be a calculated decision to get out of a house that's underwater.  Or she couldn't sell it and just walked away.  It's not right, but it's done all the time.

It's very misandrist of you to assume all men are a danger to girls.

 

STaround's picture

Responsible people may let house go into foreclousre, but they save up and rent the next place.  OP's SD mom seems like she just looked for a free place.  

justmakingthebest's picture

Whoa.... I get that for this particular BM she may bounce to whatever penis has a house she can live in, but saying that stepfathers/mother's SO's are dangerous is not right. Thank God for my DH and the wonderful stepfather he is to my bios. Same goes for my stepfather that adopted me. There is no danger here except for any outside force that ever tries to hurt my kids.  

beebeel's picture

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. Wink

STaround's picture

 

 

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/12-confronting-statistics-on-child-sexual...

12. Children living without either parent (foster children) are 10 times more likely to be sexually abused than children who live with both biological parents. Children who live with a single parent that has a live-in partner are at the highest risk: they are 20 times more likely to be victims of sexual abuse than children living with both biological parents (Sedlack et al, 2010).

 

ETA -- by the way, from the OECD

 Definition:Geometric growth refers to the situation where successive changes in a population differ by a constant ratio (as distinct from a constant amount for arithmetic change).

 

tog redux's picture

It still makes zero sense to assume THIS kid in THIS situation is in danger just because of statistics!  You need some other evidence that THIS man and THIS woman are likely to be that statistic.

AND, there is no gender on that - it doesn't say live-in MALE partners, does it?

STaround's picture

Abstract

Analysis of interviews obtained from a random sample of 930 adult women in San Francisco revealed that 17% or one out of approximately every six women who had a stepfather as a principal figure in her childhood years, was sexually abused by him. The comparable figures for biological fathers were 2% or one out of approximately 40 women.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/6609753

 

Do I think care and monitoring the situation will help, yes.  But all I see in OPs situation is the mom just moved in becuase she needed free rent. 

 

beebeel's picture

Yes, statistically this child is at risk. And there is little to nothing any of us can do about it.

STaround's picture

Dad should make certain that his DD knows she can always call him.  I agree, not good they moved 40 miles away, but wont he still have some contact?

justmakingthebest's picture

Huffington post is the most biased source you could have possibly pulled of the web. 

hereiam's picture

I certainly wouldn't go to court over this. Since your husband has been having SD EOWE, instead of 50/50, forty miles is not that big of a deal.

Not surprised that BM hasn't even bothered to tell your husband. Who does the transportation? If it's your husband, he needs to know where to pick her up for his time.

Nick79's picture

Where i stay its common to drive 40 miles to work. In my state, more than 100 miles may get you a date in court.

Nick79's picture

I would care less. My husband hates that I let my ex-husband get away with murder. Like i told current my ex-husband would drag me back to court if he had the finances. We have 8 kids combined we couldn't afford the fight. My husband has gone radio silent after i had a consultation with an attorney that cost $500. I have boys and am so glad I don't have girls. I would be scared shitless of them being molested. Hell, i didn't let my husband interact with my kids by himself for almost a yr. Boys are molested too. I truly hate that there are so many broken homes. Somehow in all these kids become the tag along.