As DH and I prepare for our first (fulltime) school year with the kids together, it's dawned on me that 1. I have a LOT of endless(it seems) work to do and 2. DH still hasn't FULLY taken his kid back.
What I mean by that is this:
After MIL finally let DH actually be a parent and make his own decisions with sd6, which took him moving out and cutting her off from seeing her and talking and talking and talking to her, I had to deal with sd all by myself, as well as my bs4. It's tough when a kid is brainwashed and taught to act, talk, and even think like someone who shouldn't be raising anymore kids in the first place. It's not like you can erase everything and start over. Because of DH not speaking up about her being HIS daughter until I came into the picture(4-5 years later), now I have to deal with this mini-MIL, and let me tell you, it may be even harder not to tell off the kid who has no idea what she's even saying than telling off the fairly older person who should know better than put their grand kid in the fucking middle.
That's what I'm talking about when I say I have a lot of (endless-because I have no idea I'm even getting through to her at ALL) work to do...trying to teach her the correct things and not trying to say or act like I'm better...but it's fucking frustrating! Any time I tell her to do something differently or correct her she always has to mention how her grandma does it and that's how she's doing it. I'm trying to teach her how to do things on her own so she can be more independent, little things like taking showers instead of baths, how to actually bathe herself, dress herself, set the table, do her bed, etc., little things. All those things her grandma used to do for her(and MUCH MORE that she should have been doing by herself); let me remind you, she's 6 years old! She's not a baby! She's almost 7!
Anywho, she's calmed down just a bit on bringing up her grandma for everything.

And now the second part...
Yesterday DH went to MILs house to pick up sd's uniform and school supplies (no one asked her to buy the things and she didn't ask if she could, she just went ahead and did everything).
When DH got home he let me know that sd has a full first day of school Wednesday (we thought it was half). I asked him where all the paperwork was, he told me he filled everything out beforehand when MIL showed it to him. I said, "No, I'm talking about all the other papers or flyers that get sent to parents...like the one letting you know when the fist day of school is? And the one letting you know it's a full day of school? And the one letting you know who the teacher is? And all the info parents usually get but don't really care about or read? Where's all that? Shouldn't it be sent to you? Why is it still being sent over there?"
And by the time I was done DH was aggravated, I could clearly see that. Unlike him, I'm my sons mother and I always want to see everything that has to do with my son, so that's what the freak out was about. I don't understand how he's just content with having sd here with us but, her info and all of that still gets sent over to MILs house, so, naturally, if DH doesn't have to sign anything, she fills out whatever there is to fill out and let's DH know what's going on rather than the other way around.

She had the balls to even ask him if he was still going to do the whole drop off thing. (this went on before I came to live with him)
Last school year was a disaster and it was all DH's fault. He used to get sd up in the morning, give her breakfast make her brush her teeth and then take her to MIL's so she could put sd's uniform on her and do her hair. And it's not that he didn't want to dress her or do her hair, it was that he didn't want to get into it with his mother. God forbid he ask her for her uniform or she'd have a shitfit! Seriously! And on the days he had off and he'd pick up sd, even though DH had sd's uniform already, the crazy MIL still expected him to take her over there!! And towards the end of the school year, he didn't and she would be ENRAGED. She'd call him like 5 times each time leaving a nasty voicemail. (reminding you that this would only happen once a week)
But back to my previous 2 rants....sorry for whomever kept reading...just doesn't make sense to me...it's like it's normal to him, which I think is bullshit. Am I crazy or stupid to feel this way??? Somebody please explain...help a sm out!!