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Bluebell77's picture


Bluebell77's picture

Hi everyone I have finally plucked up the courage to post here. 

8 years ago my stepson came to live with me and my husband permantely he was causing havoc at home with his mum he was 13 at the time and well she just wasn't bothered at all so he was dumped on us I was only just married a year and I was told by the husband he either came to live with us or we get a divorce. So he came he's a compulsive liar things went missing in the house clothing turned up in the house and when I questioned him he said never seen it before in my life I said you must have it can't just arrive here husband then shouts snd tells me leave it your being stupid and picking on him. What followed was me cleaning his room all the time wiping hand marks off all his headroom walls for some reason he would take food into his room then wipe his hands down the walls he still does it at age 20 I have redecorated his bedroom three times cause of the state of it shit left for me all around the toilet for me to clean a the whole husband tells me I'm picking I've tried everything with the stepson and he just treats me like crap. I'm a nobody as he's got older he's told me he's an alpha male and women he does not respect he's causing arguments in the house the tension is unbelievable to top it off I'm the main earner have always been and financially supported his kids it's a nightmare every penny ive ever had went to them I work full time then on spare time I'm working on the house painting diy rodding drains yes that's right in shit again me as we have a septic tank I feel like a laughing stock. I've had enough and I'm at the end of my tether I feel like walking away from my home which I have put so much work into it's nearly killed me. The stepson runs the household and the husband doesn't do anything about it my life is misrerable oh and the husband is obese as he has an eating disorder so that was hidden from me too I feel so cheated. My friends are like you need to get out of this relationship your a cash cow and you are treated like dirt. 

Winterglow's picture

I very much agree with your friends. Who does the house belong to or are you renting? What is stopping you from walking away? The amount of work you've done on your home? You've had 8 years of living hell with this overbearing manchild and his son, don't you think you deserve some freedom at last? 

Bluebell77's picture

The house is on a mortgage in joint names and to be honest with the way the current market is buying another home is totally out as their so overpriced and the rental market is ridiculous to say the least. I don't see why after all my blood sweat and tears put into this home I'm pushed out it's just not fair I have worked so hard on my own to do the house. I know it may sound mental but I really can't afford to just walk away from it 

Winterglow's picture

So, force a sale, half of the proceeds (or more...) is yours. Remember that you would be looking for a smaller place and would only need to consider your needs, so you could maybe choose a less expensive area. Start thinking about it, at least. Life is too short to live in your current conditions. 

How many years mortgage is left to pay? 

crazedsmom's picture

Oh dear I totally understand.  We are a blended family I have 2 bio ages 19 & 22, 2steps ages 26 & 20.  I have only been actively involved with 20 year old for about 4 years when BM didn't want to deal with "his shit" anymore and a pregnant GF.  Mind you BM caused a lot of SS problems.  Anyway he's 20 dropped out college doesn't work has no desire to work has lied about enrollment in college classes for the fall and does whatever he wants.  Plays video games all day, DH caters to him tells me to stay out of it but then puts it in me to handle his banking doctors appointments and I'm pretty sure schooling if he chooses to enroll at local community college.  I am so tired and frustrated too!!  My kids stayed in school maintained A's work and are in college doing great but my DH finds a lot of fault with mine and ignores his.  I just wanna scream!!

ndc's picture

Your friends are right. Life's too short to put up with the shoddy treatment you receive. Leave and find some happiness.

bertieb's picture

Why have you stayed?  There is no way if I could support myself I would be treated this way. Life is too short and there is too much peace and happiness to be found out there.

Findthemiddle's picture

Instead on focusing on all the reasons you are trapped- challenge yourself to think of what options you have to leave and pick the best one and get after it.  It may not be immediate and it may not look exactly like what you hoped- but you won't get there if you don't start.   The fact is the house is jointly owned - you have to let your frustration about the unfairness go. 

CLove's picture

Welcome to steptalk! 

Get to a lawyer or two. Find out what your options are. Start building your team. Find out if you can buy him out. Seek counseling - you are in a horrible dynamic, and that these two have ganged up on you and made you feel so slow - this is not how you want your life to go...

I rarely say this, but get out as soon as you can. You dont want to be the one paying spousal support for such a miserable man-child and continue suporting his toxic spawn.