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Homecoming Battle: Win-Win...mostly

blessedwithstress's picture

Homecoming is next Friday. The dress is paid for. We've given BM all the money we are going to give her to help out with this event and she hasn't complained or demaned more. I was able to cancel our hotel and dinner reservation for the concert but the tickets have to be used. Luckily my BFF of 30 years has agreed to go with me and is A-OK with eating cheap and driving home at midnight to save some bucks.

About a week back DH and I had our final argument about all this homecoming/concert business. I think it was fueled by some interestingly-timed comments from our littles and my father that alluded to the fact that I was this><close to divorce. Long story short, he asked me what I wanted him to do about it so we can stop being angry. I said that I needed him to LET me be angry. Stop trying to force me to be happy about a situation that blows. Don't corce me into being excited for the skids. I don't want to rain on their parade but I don't want to join it either. Let me keep all of the homecoming BS at arms length until it is over and then we can move on. In return, I promised to zip my lips and keep my snark under control whenever the subject is brought up. Seemed like the closest thing to a fair trade we were going to achieve.

We managed to celebrate our 10 year anniversary without any hiccups. It was quite a nice weekend but I'm afraid we are sitting in the eye of the hurricane. I guess a break in the weather is OK if it means having enough time to regroup and prepare for what's coming next. I have yet to make our appointment with the counselor but I have an approved referral through my employer and a contact number so that's a start. Thinking of looking into Dave Ramsay's Total Money Makeover book and workbook to see if we can accomplish anything without having to pay for an expensive class or counsling that my employer doesn't cover.

I don't hate the skids. I resent the sh*t out of them sometimes for things that are not entirely under their control, but that doesn't mean I hate them. I used to feel quite maternal toward them when they were smaller. Not sure exactly when that changed. Maybe when they started high school? Somewhere around right around the time they started being more independent and doing more things outside of the house and only coming home to eat and ask for money. I feel like I hardly know them anymore. They're strangers that float in and out of my house, eating my food, draining my bank account, giving me VERY LITTLE in return. Maybe if they were more helpful or social within the household things would be different. I get that teenagers crave freedom. I remember what it was like to be that age, but I also remember spending time with my parents because I knew how much they missed me - and I enjoyed that time. I can confidently say that they NEVER had to ask me to do chores and I frequently did more than was asked because I knew how much they did for me and I was so grateful. Not saying I was a perfect kid, but I deeply valued my family and made a great effort to show it. These skids don't. Sure, once in a while they'll do something nice but it's a drop in the bucket. 

I don't know. I'm so tired of fighting. Tired of being angry and broke and anxious. Maybe I'll give that therapist a call on Monday.


Siemprematahari's picture

Wishing you strength and clarity. Navigating through these times are not easy but ALWAYS make sure to take care of you and make your health and mental well-being priority at all times.


Exjuliemccoy's picture

Please make that call, and buy the Dave Ramsay program. Christmas is right around the corner, bringing with it all the stress and overspending, so this is a very good time to try to get on the same page financially.

Let your H be worried about you wanting a divorce. He should be, and discomfort may be a springboard for some long overdue personal growth.

blessedwithstress's picture

Usually they are very stressful with lots of moping on his part. But this one went reasonably well. He agreed to tighten our purse strings and be more vigilant about spending in the name of paying down debt. Does't sound like much of a win but considering our history - it really was!

On a side note - We are usually pretty good about spending at Christmas time. I direct deposit a small amount of each paycheck into a savings account that we use at the end of the year for all things Christmas. We set a budget based on what we were able to save and stick to it. Pretty much the only time he will do that with me consistently, but hey - small victory!

Harry's picture

Make it up to you. By taking you someplace for the weekend, or three day weekend. Columbus Day is coming up. Things go on on Columbus Day weekend.