Time apart
My DB and I are having time apart. Right now he is over here collecting things to set up his BD new room where he is staying. I'm not sure whats going to happen with us, if we will work it out or if its really over. Our biggest problems are around the way i deal with issues that arise in regards to the BM and the BD. I find it really hard not to get upset and then angry towards him even thought i know its not his fault. Right now he is walking past the window carrying her things to his van... My heart is screaming and its taking all my power not to cry and beg him to stay. How do i shift these feelings i have towards the BM and BD so that i can coexist with him or is it always going to get that gut wrenching feeling when ever the MB is mentioned or he shows BD more attention than me. Why cant this just be easy.
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What exactly are your issues
What exactly are your issues with BM and his daughter? Its hard to give advice when there are no specifics...
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
Its anything and everything.
Its anything and everything. It could be money, it could be to do with the sale of the house. I could be just a txt about BD that will make me feel angry sad or jealous.
When BM calls your DH where
When BM calls your DH where are you? When your DH is discussing BM's antics once again, do you engage in the conversation?
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“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
Some of the time it is over
Some of the time it is over the home phone so i am in ear shot. Allot of the time its via cell phone and its while he is at work. Its got to the point where he feels he cant tell me if its her that texts him cause he is worried it will upset me. I find when she calls him on his cell phone during the day i feel very left out of any decisions that they make even though i know they have the right to make them without talking to me first. I never get to be involved in any face to face chats with them because she doesnt like me so i don't go to her house when DB picks up BD. DB calls from BM cell phone every night to say goodnight and when BD is here BM will call DB phone to say goodnight. I find this very triangular(between the 3 of them only) and personal.
I've struggled with the
I've struggled with the exact same thing you do, I occassionally fall off the wagon still every now and then. I know this will be hard to do, but whenever BM calls DH, walk away, go to another room, busy yourself with something else, but make sure that you are not in ear shot. Do not ask DH about his calls/texts during the day from BM, and do not look in his phone. I am telling you from personal experience that if you can muster up the will power to do this, you will be alot happier! And your relationship with your DH will be alot better!
You have to ask yourself an important question though...do you trust your DH? If you trust him, this will make doing this ALOT easier. Just try it out atleast. I promise you that you won't regret it.
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“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
Totally agree. Great advice.
Totally agree. Great advice.
I used to get like this too.
I used to get like this too. I got over it just a couple of years ago--that means it took me 5 yrs. to see SD and BM as two seperate people. I used to get mad a H too, but it is not his fault BM acts the ways she does. She was normal at one time!LOL!!
It is still hard not to be upset about the CS going out and us suffering. But it will be till she turns 18, that is just how it is. If you take him you must accept that things will be tight for awhile--don't beat him over the head with it. It is hard on him too, I am sure.
Tell BD that you don't want to hear anything that goes on between the two of them, even if it is something about you. He must keep you out of it....if you want to be with him then tell him. Tell him how you feel--if you don't know how you feel then let this be time for you to figure that out. (((HUGS)))
Do you feel insecure and
Do you feel insecure and left out because you haven't been with him that long? How old is his daughter?
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
BD is eight.. we have been
BD is eight.. we have been together for two years now and as time has gone on its built up more and more till now i just explode in a rage and then end up crying. Its such a roller coaster of emotions . I am insecure but not because i think he would ever go back to BM i think its because i feel powerless in the triangular relationship the 3 of them have.
Like you're not really sure
Like you're not really sure where you fit in? Like they are their own family but since he's with you, shouldn't you be a part of it? How long have they been split up/divorced? Have you read any books about dealing with ex-wives, or what about couples counseling? It is a hard road, and its not for everyone. Maybe talking out your feelings with a professional third party and him hearing an objective opinion from that professional could help him understand your viewpoint? Is that possible? Or think about what exactly you would like to change in the situation that will make you feel better?
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
We tried the professional
We tried the professional third party objectives and we both know what are each others triggers but as soon as we finished going and time went by we ended up in the same place. I have suggested that if we really want to make this work we need to put in place some ground rules so that we have something to work with. I thought that maybe myself, DB and SD can sit down and agree on a few personal boundaries and a few house rules.
Then DB and myself can put in place some of our own rules and boundaries in regards to BM that both of us have to respect and follow through with. What do you think???
Absolutely, it does not get
Absolutely, it does not get easier as far as i can tell it might be hard to see him go now but you will be better off in the long run. Hate to say it but if i had of known i would have left too, but we are married now and have our own baby so i have to do my best to make it work, but in your case if you have no ties free yourself!