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How can I be soooooo wrong?!?!

Biomomof2's picture

Does anyone else ever look at DH and ask themselves how they ever saw them differently??? How could I have been soooo wrong on who he is??


Indigo's picture

I did. I ran into the rose-coloured-glasses syndrome. More than once. Slow-learner, I guess.

dogtac69's picture

Yes, your decision to "pick your battles" makes a lot of sense. Somethings just are not worth the time and energy they take to fight. Saving that energy for the major problems does make a lot of common sense. Good points.

ItHasGottenBetter's picture

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

I was married for 20 years. Was miserable and we fought constantly. He passed from cancer 10 years ago. I promised myself that I would get into a rship like that again. Luckily, DSO and his Ex fought so much, he is the same way. We may get a little pissy with each other, but we don't lash out and say really hurtful things. I'm lucky too bc DSO doesn't see his kids as special little poopsies and I can suggest or just not give a crap and he is ok with that.

He has been stubborn about his kids in the past, but realizes they are little users and takers and he is just a bank to them.

Another good thing that comes with age, is that I don't take shit from anyone. BTDT so many times, I could write a book. I can survive on my own and DSO knows it. I don't hold it over his head at all, but it does have some satisfaction knowing he has to fight for me, not vice versa.

ctnmom's picture

I've been married 31 years, since I was 19. (As most of you know SS36 is biologically DH's nephew)Anyone needs to go into marriage with their eyes wide open, but people do change over the years, for better or for worse. A couple has to lean how to navigate life together. It ain't easy.

ItHasGottenBetter's picture

I think they also have to have empathy, sympathy and keep yourself from 'going to that place'.

ChiefGrownup's picture

^^^^^ I could have written this. We are not rich but my dh has on more than one occasion written out large checks to some loved ones of mine with terminal illness in the family. I have to be careful making small talk because if I mention I like something, he will make it happen, often at some sacrifice to himself. He is always bringing me little treats from a favorite comic book to a book of love poetry. Or, of course, the famous hidden stash of Cheetos he has for me.

I was surprised at the depth of the craziness with SD15 and bm. That's why I'm here. But, as I tell my irl friends, this blindspot is the only thing keeping him from having actual tights and a cape.

Teas83's picture

I often think about this. I must've been so "in love" in the beginning that I overlooked his short comings as a parent. When I think back to when we were dating, there were a lot of red flags that I ignored.

Sunflower1's picture

I love my husband. When we first started dating we both laid everything out on the table, not very romantic but both of us thought going in with eyes wide open was the best policy. So we fell in love, "hairy warts" and all. Does he drive me nuts sometimes, of course, but I knew those things about him and love him in spite of those things.

Maxwell09's picture

He is way more loving and attentive than I had first expected. But I also thought he had his financial shit together...I was so wrong, its taken two years to get him out of the debt him and BM created together. They missed the bus on "living within your means"

WTF...REALLY's picture

Hubby and I have known ea h other since I was 14. We been back together since 12/09. At this point we are more in love than ever. We are both super honest and that really works for both of us. And I have a some chronic pain issues for two years now and he has been great!!!

We also give each other space. He is off this whole weekend judging a surf contest and I am doing my own thing. When he want to watch football :sick: I just go about doing something else.

And we both have finally learned the fine art of what is worth a battle and what is not. And to laugh at ourself or laugh at each other. He crakes me up.