You are here

Update SS21 Drinking

BettyRay's picture

DH spoke with SS21 last night. DH told SS21 that drinking and vomiting at our house will not be tolerated. If SS21 does this he will be kicked out.

SS21 said he understood and that it wouldn't happen at our house.  We'll see.

DH told him that drinking alone is not cool and could be a sign of depression or alcoholism. DH also brought up counseling, SS21 would have nothing to do with it.

~BettyRay

Comments

hereiam's picture

At some point, it may benefit your DH to attend Al-Anon meetings to learn how to deal with his son, without guilt.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Cool! The boundary has been drawn. Hopefully skid will decide to live somewhere else where he can vomit as he pleases.

marblefawn's picture

It's great that your husband drew a boundary. Did you discuss how he will approach kicking out SS if it happens again?

I only ask because I think the more you can pin down your husband about how he will handle problems, the "ifs and thens," the more your husband will feel obliged to you to act as he said he would if SS crosses that boundary. I think of it as having a map in case you get lost -- so when SS comes home drunk next month, you can gently say, "Well, we agreed last month that if this happened again, you'd let SS sleep it off and tell him in the morning he has a month to find a new place and move. Are you ready to do that tomorrow?"

I hate to be that cagey, but talk is cheap with these guilty fathers. Getting them to commit to consequences for skids' bad behavior is easy. Getting them to pull the trigger not so much.

Good luck!

 

BettyRay's picture

DH and I will be discussing house rules this weekend. SS21 is coming over next weekend to discuss.  I told DH that we need to be on the same page and united about this.  DH admitted that in the past he hasn't been able to follow through and that he will work on it.

~BettyRay

Thumper's picture

Oh nooooooooo.  OK that was ss21 free one.

I hope he is not on yours and dh's car insurance. PLEASE talk to him about drinking and driving. My nephew died from  awful awful injuries from a car accident all because of a female grown ass women who are driving drunk again. My nephew lived a few years after the accident but sustained severe brain injury along with internal damage he could not recover from. IT WAS SO SAD.

AND then there is the seriousness of alcohol poisoning. 

The driver who killed him, didn't have insurance. Restitution (bare minimum) 'was' 20bucks a month because SHE works the system, claim poverty, takes low paying jobs etc. She has stopped paying as of last year. "CANT GET BLOOD from a stone"

My sibling and our family will never be the same. 

I totally totally agree...this was his free one for a lack of better words. . Next time kick him out. As raw as this sounds IF you and dh start to get sucked into 'its a family' issue when 1 person is a habitual drunk, or addict of any kind YOUR lives will be sucked down the rabbit  hole. For the rest of your days you both will be checking, asking, looking UP on SS to see if he is sober. 

Not everyone feeeeelllls the same way as I do. Some folks believe it is their duty to keep addicts a family matter to support AND do what ever it takes to seeeee them to sobrity, often times with many many relapse. Homes lost to 2nd, 3rd Mortages for legal fees or rehabs they check themselves out of.

Sorry I am getting way ahead of myself here. Hopefully your ss felt physically like DIRT for a day or so,  that he will realize he can have a social drink or two...nothing wrong with that.  Even though our family is crushed about the death of my nephew...we are not anit booze...and not booze free at all. 

So sorry about this...I know how concerning it is. You can use me as an example if you need to. 

 

 

 

BettyRay's picture

The day SS21 turned 20 DH transferred the car title into SS21's name and dropped SS21 from our car insurance.  We warned him this would happen for months before his 20th birthday and SS21 waited till that day to ask BM for car insurance.

BM pays for the car insurance and cell phone for SS21.

~BettyRay