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I finally did it! On Skids weekend, I disengage completely.

Belle1984's picture

I finally made the bold move and separate my children from my skids and it felt WONDERFUL. This past weekend, I decided to disengage completely and fine tune my focus on my children and their needs as opposed to the DH and my Skids and their continous drama. 

After SD, 14 decided that it was OK to not speak to me in my own home because I told her to make up her bed,I decided to HELL WITH EVERYONE, and focus on me. 

DH tries but he doesnt want to be criticize for not being a good parent at times. He is an involved father but his parenting style is well questionable. SD, 14 snuck out of her mother's house to attend a party after she was grounded for being disrespectful, the parents response : you are grounded for an even longer period. Problem with that, it didn't work before and well its not going to work now. She told them she doesn't care the consequences and she even told them upfront, that she would do it, if she wasn't allowed to go. On the Friday, why her mother did not decided to stay up and ensure her daughter did not go or DH, didn't make a phone call to see if she was in her bed etc or after finding out, didn't just drive his ass down to the party and drag her out is beyond me. As a parent, any child disrespect me, our values and family like this would have to deal with the embarrassement of being dragged out of a party IN FRONT OF HER FRIENDS! Instead, she got to keep her phone, she went to six flags for the long weekend. DH made a big deal "oh wait until you get to my house, you will be punished." Flash forward, asked DH how did it go with SD, his response "oh my, I forgot to talk to her about it." OH REALLY? But who am I to say you're parenting style SUCKS!!

I decided not my concern, I for one, didn't even have a response, I just pretended like something else caught my attention and ran out of the room. Not my kid, not my probblem. 

When I told DH his son is borderline narcisstic - he is a bully, condensing to his family but great with friends, absolutely jealous of his siblings achievements, get angry in 4 seconds flat for everything, degrades, argues for nothing at all, an inflated sense of self, it freaking NUTS in my house. DH doesn't want to put labels and I was like, well get him into to therapy. He said he was - that was MAY, it is now approaching NOVEMBER. 

Every weekend, the Skids are here, I book a mini vacation with my children and I am OUTTA HERE. DH is ok with this because he knows our children will be collateral damage in the wake of the SKIDS problems and he doesn't want a repeat. My kids were out of that explosive environment and were able to focus on being brothers and helping each other. So in that case, my children come out better for it.

Comments

StepUltimate's picture

Congratulations, well done. I am glad you shared this update! 

Harry's picture

That DH will get tired of being with his own kids with out you as a buffer.  That is when trouble will start 

tog redux's picture

Good for you. Let DH deal with the mess he's created.  Where do you go with the kids? Will it get tiresome for you to have to leave home whenever skids are there?

Sad part is, he still has time to make his kids into better people - but he won't even try.

Siemprematahari's picture

So happy for you Belle and you will see just how much you will benefit from being disengaged. When it comes to his kids DO NOT ask about them or how they are doing. Hopefully in time he will change his parenting style and see that he's doing them a great injustice. The older they get, the worse behaved they will be and he will have himself and the BM to blame.