My lovely stepdaughter is now my ex step! help!
:?
I love my step daughter very much. She is 32 and happily married and has always lived in a different town. I have known her for 20 years, and always got along with her in the little bit of time she would spend with us. I recently divorced her father, who was not really that close to her.
Last Christmas she invited my 14 year old and I to come visit, which I was delighted to do. Unfortunately, my ex had a cow and had his parents call her to demand she un-invite us. Then he called her and had a fit. She did not change her mind, but I backed down because I felt it was too much pressure for her.
My ex has convinced everyone including my 14 year old son that I have no business having a relationship with my ex SD. She has just had her second child, and is not communicating with me. I do not know what was said about me, and honestly do not care. I have been grieving the loss of the relationship for a year, and am trying to get closure. Do not know what to do next.
I am trying to write her a letter.
- Beanhoo's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
It is amazing that you were
It is amazing that you were able to forge a bond with your (ex)SD! Since she is an adult, daddy dearest really shouldn't have any say in who she chooses to keep contact with. I would write her the letter and let her know that you miss her and would like to keep in contact with her, but that if she feels there is too much pressure from her father, you'll understand if she feels she cannot. She may be feeling confused and a little pained that you chose to back down from Christmas, and maybe she was given an ill-related story by family that shed an unholy light on why you didn't come. Reach out to her, and if she doesn't reach back, continue on the best you can. You never know, she might come around
G'luck hun!
Thank you all so much for
Thank you all so much for your comments! This is truly amazing....
I guess I have had a difficult time with this because I spent so many years trying to form a bond with her, without much support. Whenever we to visit his family, it seemed as though we would just see her in passing, or a one week visit during the summer etc. The last few years we were married, I insisted on staying with her when we went there. He would stay with his parents. I did not realize how marginal my ex's relationship was with his daughter, partly because I had not been a parent. Luckily she has a fantastic stepfather and mother I might add.
Anyway, thank you for all the input. I will write her a nice letter from my heart, and hope that I will have the opportunity to see her sometime. It is really more important for my son to see her, since she is his only sibling.
Well I do plan to move on. I have only been divorced a few months, am in my mid fifties, and would be delighted to have other (probably grown) stepchildren in the future. No rush.
http://www.steptalk.org/images/smileys/smile.png