We survived the weekend
AND, it was actually very nice. The gender reveal was survived, NOT my crowd at all but it went well, looks like DH is having a grandson. BM had her moments of wanting to reminisce with DH-which I gave her that and just sat to the side and pretended to not eavesdrop lol. DH did a couple times not answer some of the reminiscings, but overall it wasn't crazy. She greeted us with a hug and seemed happy to see us. Her fiance was pretty standoffish, never came close enough to introduce himself or have BM introduce him, we did find that a little odd. SD and her boyfriend seemed very happy and in love. It was actually sweet.
BM only asked for one pic of her, DH and SD, which was fine with me. We then did photos of us with SD and boyfriend, then BM/fiance and them, so makes even more odd that BM didn't do one with her fiance and us...again, I think he was just either intimidated, or just weirded out. I mean we knew it was going to be weird, but we embraced it, and so did BM honestly.
We even discussed how surprised we all were, and worried because of the changes to come and them being so young. So we're all on the same page there (BM, DH and I).
Sunday we went out with SD/boyfriend for dinner to catch up about their actual plans since we don't know....they have a solid plan and are focused but I think their timeline is unrealistic, but that's how life goes. It was a lovely time yesterday for Fathers day. Another proud moment is that WE were planning on paying for them, as we never go out with them and as a help. Her boyfriend did the sneak thing and had the bill paid before we could even notice, we told them it was going to be our treat, but he insisted and said NOPE, it's on us, Happy Fathers Day to DH. DH and I later commented on how grownup guy thing to do, we respected it very much.
Later yesterday BM send me a bunch of pics from the event, which I could already see on her page as we became FB friends about a year ago once all drama stopped. I debated to 'accept' but I did, and I think now it would just start drama to unfriend. I thanked her for the photos and told her how we just had dinner w/SD and that we were still worried but they had a good head on their shoulders and should be fine. Then she replied how happy she was to see us and we looked great and that she shared our worries but agreed they seem on a good path. THEN went on to say that she's glad we were all able to talk and she really wanted a good relationship with us.
I must say, we are a LONG ways from how life used to be, though cautious, I will remain more open and not dread any future grandkid related events. As much as I wanted to leave that chapter behind, reality is different. BM is finally in a good place, SD is grown, no more custody issues. She was a meth addict for years and lost custody when SD was around 15. That said, she has sobered up, is working, divorced her junkie/abusive husband and is now with a guy that is good to her (although weird with us ha!).
So, all in all, a win. Trust we will be careful and cautious, but man was it nice to 'unite' for SD for once in so many years, leaving grudges and hate and resentments and past history behind and moving forward. I hope it continues.
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Comments
That is great!! Small steps
That is great!! Small steps but in a good direction!!
Wow, this is like a fairytale
Wow, this is like a fairytale. I'm so glad it all worked out for you.
Wonderful!!!!
And what a relief!!!
Thanks for the positive vibes today
Good!
After years of hating BM and dteading any interaction, I had a similar reaction when the GKs started coming. BM and Clueless were married, she had mellowed somewhat and I guess enough water had gone under the bridge that I wasn't so nervous about her. I was able to see her at the showers, weddings and GK occasions without undue anxiety. I think she could see that I was a benign influence.
Since we worked full time and she didn't, she did the babysitting for the SKs. She was a good, if still volatile, grandma. I actually felt sorry for her sometimes because her expectations about holiday events (SKs having to be there with their kids all clean and dressed at a particular time) werent realistic given the personalities, distances, schedules, etc. She drove herself nuts and would then explode. Oh well, that was just her.
But like you, the tension eased up when the GKs started coming.
I'm glad it went well, I know
I'm glad it went well, I know it's not how everything was planned or hoped for, but maybe those crazy kids can make it work.
Awesome!
So happy it went well!
This board gave me the
This board gave me the courage and some great ideas on how to navigate through it. I do have one nagging thing though....the more I think about the photo BM insisted on of her and DH and SD (not the boyfriend) and I was busy somewhere else at the time. So again, it was the 'three original' in the photo. She did this at graduation too, which I can kind of understand that milestone-plus I didn't even go. I mean now SD is an adult, is there still a reason for the 'original' family photos? Will she continue this when grandbaby is born? Photos of her/DH/SD and the baby?
Back when we first started dating she would send pics of the three of them with SD in SD's wallet. I kind of feel it's a power pull. I was kind of distracted when the photo occurred. At this point, since SD is an adult and now with her boyfriend and pregnant....I kind of feel the 'original three' is not necessary. Or why not have a pic of her and her fiance, SD and boyfriend, me and DH together? I know I said first it didn't bother me, but in thinking more today I feel like I brushed that off too soon. Her caption under that photo is "This Mom and Dad made a beautiful daughter" ...granted she captioned the other ones with just our names, or godmother and SD, etc....but yeah, now I feel icky about it. It's too late now, but from here on out, if there is wedding, baby showers, etc...I'm making it clear to DH that it's enough, she's grown now and we can be civil but enough of the 'original parents' photo BS> I'm kind of over it to be honest.
Keep in mind she's posted photos of the three of them on her and SD's FB on occasion too through time, so it's her 'thing' and yeah, I think it's a bit over the top and uncalled for at this point. LIke maybe the graduation for HS should have been it.
I understand where you are coming from
I understand how you feel about this. It is so touchy. But, at 76, I'm flashing back to many picture-taking occasions. I kind of wish I had a few "original recipe" pictures of my ex, our 2 kids and me. I think there is one. Similarly, it would probably be good if my SKs had an "original recipe" picture,, too.
I'm guessing the caption was what really did it. That would have bothered me more than the picture
Yeah, I think the caption was
Yeah, I think the caption was the trigger for sure. She has plenty of original recipe pics though, so I think now it's just over the top. I have some 'original recipe' ones with my ex when they were younger. But any after the divorce ones if their dad was in it, included other family (my family typically as his lived in another country) as well.
Time over
The whole "original recipe" thing is just a bunch of hooey in my opinion. I gave those pics back to BM when going through photos. I did not want them around, but I did not destroy them, with the thought "that is the kids legacy, their PAST". So respecting the NOW to me is more important.