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My own rant-blog deleting.

bananaseedo's picture

Ok, I know in some (minority) of cases, people delete their blogs for 'safety' reasons.  IMO there are other reasons to obtain annonymity but, I get it.  I really am starting to get disheartened when people simply delete blogs so others can't follow the story lines, so they can change narrative or simply because they didn't get the support or answers they wanted.  Posters here put a LOT of effort getting to know eachother, reading your posts, and taking time to respond.  I'm sorry, but it's damn rude and selfish.  Don't feel slighted when people stop responding to you or caring.   End of rant. 

Comments

Ursula's picture

I delete mine for anonymity. I realize it can be annoying and make it hard to follow along not knowing full history. But I do it because of privacy concerns. 

bananaseedo's picture

I really am trying to understand this though, I mean most of us are careful, dont' use names, even scenarios can be and are sometimes slightly adjusted because of this....so help me understand.  Are you really that much at risk for the bm or skids finding you?  And if they did, it's deny deny like our dh's do when a skid does something effed up they conveniently forget about LOL.  

Sparkl3s's picture

I've been following for almost a decade, there are SM that get found out. It's either bc of details or user history on their devices. Some of my favorite follow ups have been deleted. Some users I can keep up with bc of the surnames they specifically use. I'm personally okay with it, if it keeps ppl safe. 

Ursula's picture

You never know what can happen. And of course you can deny but with the HCBM some of us deal with, I don't think it's  unreasonable to delete blogs  

Some people here seem to take it a bit too personally that others delete blogs  I really don't get it  

 

bananaseedo's picture

I get it because of this reason somewhat a lot more then 'other' reasons.  It's not that we take it personally either, it's just to erase something because you dont' get back pats, or because your story keeps changing...it's just not honest.

Ursula's picture

I agree with that. If you're deleting solely because you didn't get the response you thought you would that is frustrating. 

Elaine M's picture

I am new to this sight and have know this 21 yr old going on 12 with a 2 year old for less than a year and have filled 3 pages of negative labels to describe the type of person she is. If I had been introduced to her the same time I met her father the relationship would not even have gotten off the ground. But her I am with father and daughter both in my home.

DPW's picture

* pass the popcorn *

I get it though - big difference between deleting for privacy reasons and deleting because you did not like what you heard from others. And the big difference is very apparent to most of us. 

NotThatTypical's picture

I delete because BM has creepers. I've done massive blocks on Facebook and still had her friends find me in privet groups. Example of how she twisted my comment about my sister into me calling DHS on her.

I wouldn't doubt that one day someone will find this site. Considering events I've written about and time line it wouldn't be hard to connect. I'd rather not leave evidance up. 

Kee-khe's picture

I haven't actually had the need to delete a blog for "privacy reasons". Lol I have an actual picture of myself on my profile, you can see how much I "care" about others finding my stuff lol. 

DH doesn't even speak English, so I have that to my advantage as well. All safe here. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I did one delete session. There was a CPS case (not against me and accusations were false) and i deleted everything and didn't post until it was cleared. I was afraid it had too much detail and i was afraid they might demand to look at my internet history or something. 

Felicity0224's picture

It does make it difficult to keep everyone straight, but I get the fear of being found out. I asked Dawn to delete all my blogs a while ago because I wanted to start blogging again  after a really long break, but was afraid with the specifics of my current situation combined with all my past blogs, BM or the SDs would be able to identify me. It's not that I'm scared of them in the literal sense. I would just rather not deal with the histrionics that would ensue if they found out some of my thoughts and feelings.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I don't blog anymore, mostly because my life is now peaceful, but also because I made the mistake of recommending ST to an inlaw who was having skid and BM problems. She backstabbed me, sharing the fact I was on a website for stepparents with the rest of The Coven. I deleted that account and came back as the reformed cruise director of the HRS Dysfunction.

I don't hesitate to delete any post that gets highjacked. This is something that really bothers me about Reddit - posters start being goofy and go off on tangents, and interesting replies get buried. We have members here who, instead of giving useful advice or answering a poster's questions will just ramble on about their own situation. Understandable if you're drawing a comparison using your own experiences as an example, but not so much if you don't address the poster's issue at all.

Over the years we've had plenty of posters who come here with a problem, overshare, then realize they've painted themselves into a corner, and delete posts or leave altogether. We have old members who've scrubbed their online persona and changed usernames more than once, just to avoid the pressure from other members who care and urge them to take action in ways they aren't ready for. It does bother me when a poster deletes an entire post because they don't like the feedback they're getting, but it is what it is when you join an anonymous site.

Kes's picture

I try to leave most blogs up as I feel other posters have a right to "look me up" and see who this person is who is answering their OP.  I have deleted a few in my time, though.  Usually ones that I'm scared about my SDs finding.  

What annoys me more, as I don't post many myself but answer a lot these days, is when you put time and effort into answering someone's blog post and then the OP doesn't come back AT ALL to acknowledge his or her replies.  I think that's just plain rude. 

SteppedOff's picture

It seems there are those who defensively attack a response they do not like, or, that doesn’t jive to their “story” as they wish it to be as opposed to likely reality. After a few responders advise the same there has to be some form of reality being offered and before you know it the entire conversation poof, gone. I suspect in that circumstance it isn’t being done as a form of anonymity as opposed to, as someone mentioned above, taking my toys and going home because it isn’t what they want to hear.

It seems inauthentic to be suggesting strongly what others should do, but not willing to take experienced advice yourself. 

I can say with absolute certainty I have become better equipped to deal with issues surrounding steplife and my relationship with such reading and learning here. It has helped me many times. Sometimes what I have read here I learn that I have been handling a situation wrong and ineffective and grow and change from it to be better the next time. 

In life it is sometimes hard to face certain realities even about ourselves.... just because we can talk ourselves in to something, doesn’t mean the truth changes. The truth never changes. 

 

Monkeysee's picture

I don’t blog often but I always delete them for anonymity. To be honest I hadn’t really considered how it would make posters feel, as I don’t really feel one way or another when other posters delete their blogs, but thank you for bringing this side if it to light!

lieutenant_dad's picture

I see both sides. I understand the anonymity side of things, but I think most posters who delete their posts give a decent recap so that it jogs your memory about what happened. I've deleted blogs when I felt I misrepresented the situation because I was angry/upset, or felt I got too personal with the details. So I do get why people do it.

But, there is a lot of good advice and knowledge that gets deleted when blogs get deleted, which means we get influxes of new people asking the same question over and over, and people get tired of giving advice. Posting then either slows down, which pushes people away, or there is an influx of bad advice from newer folks who don't have the knowledge base to pull from.

Ultimately, it comes down to each of us to decide how we want to respond/react. If you keep deleting blogs because you don't like the advice, or switching usernames to throw people off, people will get fed up and stop responding or they'll respond in anger because it feels like you're just playing a game and wasting time. I say the "decent" thing to do is let people know if you're going to delete a blog and give a vague recap to jog people's memories of what happened. If you're new and don't plan on sticking around, or just have a question, I recommend taking it to the forums as the blogs tend to be more long-term stories.

Livingoutloud's picture

Good point. People sometimes say this blog can't stay up long because I am afraid my skids will hack my account or something, i understand, they give a warning. But most people delete right after they get responses they don't like with no warnings, each and every time. Then they make new account. But it accomplishes nothing really. What's the point. People aren't stupid on here. I don't care either way, just find it weird especially if a new blog is about exact same thing 

Livingoutloud's picture

In my past steplife I really relied on steptalk to help me through and to help me leave. I never deleted blogs at that time because I needed people to see what's what and help me through. I shared A LOT of details. I thought just changing a few facts around would be enough privacy but when I think of it now, it was easy to find. And my exSDs were snoopers.  But I was desperate enough to not care. And I am forever greatful for steptalk 

I don't need help with anything now as things are very good in my now marriage and skids not causing problems for me so I don't make blogs. 

I think when people come here for help or to hear others opinions they wouldn't be constantly deleting their blogs (unless they do so for extreme privacy issue of course like they were outed on here, I think they'd make a new account etc).
 

They might be here for other reasons. Sometimes people create false narratives about their lives to make themselves feel better. they don't want to hear what others have to say. What others say might be truth, and they don't want to hear the truth. They want to live in false reality of their invention. Sadly their lives will never get better because they'll never stop lying to themselves. 

 

Twix's picture

I'm a lazy deleter but I do typically delete. I feel the majority of my blogs in the last year shared specific details about incidences with BM. She's insane but I'm pretty sure she'd put two and two together if she stumbled across this site. The grief she would cause is not worth keeping the blog up. 

Willow2010's picture

 I really am starting to get disheartened when people simply delete blogs so others can't follow the story lines, 

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I get it.  And it annoys me so bad when comments get deleted!!  We have one or two posters that post absurd crap and then delete all comments that dont agree with them.  Crazy.