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I am at a lose.

AusMumma's picture

My SS 7 and SS 9 live with us and I love them totally as my own. Sometimes though I feel like I am doing everything wrong, and I do not know how to combat the issues. 

Our main concern is SS 7, I respect that he loves his BM to bits and I wouldn't wish for anything more, though her lifestyle and ours are very different. I feel that in his mind his BM is always right, so I must always be wrong when her and I are not on the same page. It makes logical sense for a 7 year old right?

The problem we have, is that when he visits BM for is one night per fortnight, or a full week over the holidays, he has no rules, no proper diet, he watches adult content games and basically has no bed time at all. Being that she is his mother, to him this must be the right thing to do and is perfectly normal. I might add that she is not the cleaning type, I would rather not detail the level of disgust her home lives within, something I am unable to do.

At home, we have a set bed time routine and time, we eat a healthy breakfast (not cookies for breakfast), we brush our teeth twice a day, and computer / game time is monitored as to content and time length, and we clean our rooms each day before bed to start the next day fresh.

Two days ago it was on the radio about a dentist saying it is recommended that everyone must brush their teeth twice a day, he then turned to me and said "but mum only makes us do it at bed time, the dentist is wrong". 

Then yesterday, he casually asked his teacher what the C word meant. When asked where he had heard it, he lied and said another kid had said it and that he had seen it on Dads game (not possible, Dad only plays EVE online when kids are in bed, even I can not understand that game, and his headphones are on, never speakers so none of us hear what is said). Turns out he heard it from his older brothers game, and has been using it normally over at her home. I suspect his BM finds it funny.

SS 9 knows going to BM is like going on a special holiday, where they can eat and do all they want, but longs to come home as he gets a sensitive stomach and loves routine and his own bedroom, so we never have any issues with him.

I hope in time SS 7 grows and sees past this, but for the moment its killing me, he takes 45 mins to eat two weet bix, they couldnt taste good after the first 10 mins. He refuses to help out around the house and is testing everything he can with me. I know I can only keep showing him  the right way in life and try to love him more, but by gosh I feel like have a Homer Simpson hands around Barts neck moment with him sometimes.

I guess its the joy of two houses when kids are young, its so confusing for the little ones.

Comments

justmakingthebest's picture

It is so hard when one home is a circus/ vacation vs. the home that is stable and constant. The kids having to be shuffled back and forth when the homes are THAT different is hard on them. What you are doing with him is basic and normal and should be in every home. 

I know all about BM being right no matter what. SS13 still is brainwashed within seconds of going back to BM. It's like some kind of voodoo spell! Just when we can break it and show him logic.... NOPE! It just sucks. 

sybarite's picture

If you were to throw up your hands in surrender, then race to the bottom - feed cookies and ice cream for breakfast, hire a maid so you're not insane about the messy house - what's the worst that could happen?