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You can NOT make up this BS …

Ashleytenorio17's picture

And now BMs dad has been brought into the fold... just a little update from my post yesterday. Out of all the years I have been with DH, BMs father has never ever said one mean word to DH. He has always been pretty much kind. DH has never had an issue with him before ever. So I find  it pretty odd that BM father would go off the deep end annd call DH speaking lies . To recap , BM father called DH Monday and harassed him about a unpaid child support balance ( not his business I know ) before DH could block him he sent a text accusing us of child abuse by making SD13 "work" at our house and forcing her to baby sit our children and how we need to take care of our kids.... first of all we have never ever asked SD13 to babysit for us ever . When she is here maybe sometimes DH will ask her to hold the baby so he can do something small and that's about it, SD has never complained to us about it though. I absolutely think SD13 told these lies to gain sympathy as she has lied I the passed. Also when caught in a lie SD has told BM will defend SD and never ever hold her accountable, this was true even when I had a text where SD13 was flat out cussing out my son for no reason. BM said " well I use to say crazy things at that age too" I had a talk with DH today about these lies and my need to protect our family from the toxicity SD keeps bringing into our home, DH agreed. He then FaceTime SD and recorded the call . He asked SD about these lies and of course she denied them . BM then steps in in the car and said that her dad made them up... so once again SD13 is not held accountable for her BS . I think BM covered for SD like she has done in the past. Also why in the hell would BMs father who has never had an issue with us just randomly make up these lies and call DH about them. I'm feeling really uneasy about this and I still feel like I do not want SD to come into our home and me having to watch my every move because of the next drama she will start ... it's insane 


AgedOut's picture

from now on your husband should take his visitation w/ SD out of the home, fo short periods of time and with witnesses at all times. have BM drive her and he meets/take her out to eat, to the zoo, anything where he is not alone w/ her. her lies can ruin your family. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Well since she is denying she said it nothing will happen now.... BM covered for her so yea it sucks . 

AgedOut's picture

then I suggest avoiding long visits and cameras in all areas but her room and the bathroom. you shouldn't have to risk your family over lies. 

ndc's picture

So your husband believes SD and BM? How would BM know for sure what SD might have told her grandfather? I can't imagine your DH believes SD didn't lie, so why not act as you would if she did?

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yea I'm pretty upset about it still. I told him flat out that BM dad would have no reason to lie about that and I 100 percent believe that SD 13 said somethinh and is now scared she was caught and is backing out . DH thinks that SD mentioned something to BM or grandpa about having to "watch" the baby or something and the dad took it out of line. I said will asking SD to watch her sister for 5 -10 mins so you can do something is a far stretch to her "babysitting our kids and making her work" . So yet again no consequences for SD lies 

Yesterdays's picture

I know others disagree however I personally don't see an issue with SD watching the baby and no court would care. Kids aren't made of glass.. They can do things... It's her half sibling. It's a moot point. And certainly not considered abuse.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Poor widdle SD is portraying herself as a modern day Cinderella and the toxic family is eating it up. The horror she had to "watch" her siblings for a moment. 

Must be an abusive SM the villain in SD's book of fiction.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

You are 100000000 percent correct . This hurt really ties into who SD is as person. She is entitled and has a victim  complex so she is "bothered" that OMg she has to actually be part of our family when she comes 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I asked him this flat out "so you are telling me you believe BM" he said no I do not believe that her dad made this up . I said ok then you are saying to think BM or SD lied . DH could even answer that he did the ok cop out " I can't say because I don't know if SD said anything " I told him yes you do but you don't wanna again put any blame on SD . This had to come from somethere and the one common source is SD. She is the only one coming and going in our home so of course she had to complain about it at some point .she has to accept SOME responsibility in her part in all this and so far she has not ever been held accountable for any of the drama she creates . Which SD should fully know by now to not run and tell because each time it creates a shit storm 

Stepdrama2020's picture

SD will never get better as long as momsey and toxic family cover for her. Ya know the lil brat may up her game since she thinks she is untouchable. Be one step ahead. Your door is now closed to her. Keep your bios far away from her and the toxics.

I dont know how you stand this. Id never let the pinocchioette in my home again, like ever. The abuse from them is never ending.

Blessing hun

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yea I can't stand it. And now it's spreading and I told DH I hate the fact that outside people I dont even know are talking about my children and accusing us of things because of SD13! I told him flat out that maybe SD should not be coming anymore to our home since she is bothered by her siblings. I honestly don't want her here but since DH partly believes SD and is sort of covering for her too he doesn't agree that she can't come to our Home and isn't really telling her that. The only time when BM would not let SD come here is when I stood up to BM myself . She didn't like being put in her place 

Yesterdays's picture

I would try to do your best to disengage from this drama posse. Block SD, and BM and any of bio moms relatives. All of them. DH should block SDs relatives as well. If bio mom starts to text rubbish and insults, accusations about your household or your kids then he needs to be firm with her IN WRITING, in that very moment. He needs to tell her to stop or he will block her from texting, (for example use family wizard or something). But just to get across the message. He needs to say, I will NOT respond to messages of this nature. I will not tolerate disrespect about my family l/house. If this continues we will move to family wizard for all communications.(or another example) 

So basically block everyone and have DH block everyone aside from bio mom who he can keep a tight leash on...

(my 2 cents) 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

twisted what SD had said about watching her youngers siblings for a moment into what BM's dad claimed? Would make total sense for BM to "cover" for SD if she was really covering for her own lies.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

This is exactly what I was thinking. There is no way to know if SD told her Grandfather this stuff or if BM told him.

ESMOD's picture

I think this is very likely.  It's a lot more credible to think that BM is telling her dad tales of woe to her own father in search of .. sympathy.. money.. support? who knows.. but she very well could be (like my DH's EX would do).. exaggerate a minor complaint that SD may have made.

And honestly.. it's absolutely ridiculous and over reaction to deny her DH visitation in the home.. or to put up cameras.. etc.. at WORST.. the girl is EXAGGERATING what she has been asked to do.. she HAS been asked to watch the kids.. even if it is just for a few minutes.. she is not lying to say she has to watch them at times. At best?  BM is making this story up out of whole cloth and feeding it to her dad.. who as OP has stated has previously been cordial and perhaps even an advocate for DH.. to some end or benefit for BM. 

There have been no claims of violence.. of CPS.. the whining of a young teen girl that she has to mind her siblings (even exaggerated as that claim may be).. is not putting OP's family in danger.

And.. the laser focused desire to pin something on SD.. to prove to her DH.. to the world that SD is a horrible human being.. and should be excised from the family.. it's an outsized reaction to what is going on.

Yes.. truthfulness is a good thing.. but sometimes there are two opinions of things... and that does  not mean SD has lied.. she just has a different perception.. 

SD can think she is "put upon" at OP's house.. she is "made" to do chores.. she is "made" to watch those little kids.. and it's not faiiiiiiirrrr. It's no fun hanging out with gross little babies.. as a teen.. she is much to mature..  (those are all the kinds of feelings an absolutely normal teen girl might have).  

OP and her DH can have a completely different view.. that if you are part of the household.. you pull a little weight.. according to your ability.. and that watching your siblings for a few minutes while the adult cooks dinner should be no big deal.. and that siblings should love being around each other. 

SD is not lying when she says she feels put upon.. and the parents are not necessarily wrong for asking her to make sure that a baby doesn't die while they leave the room for 5 minutes.  

The fact that this all got wrapped up into a claim that OP's DH was behind/late on CS (which it sounds like there may have been some amount of shortage).. it's a ton more likely that this is a BM situation.. maybe trying to get money from dad because she is a "poor single mom with a deadbeat dad.. i mean.. dad.. they even make SD do all the chores and babysit their kids when she goes to visit.. don't you think you could give me that 500 so I could take SD somewhere special this weekend to make up for it".?


Ashleytenorio17's picture

Agsin you are wrong. You think a claim can't be made out of lies of a child???? Well my girlfriend is going through this very problem. She currently has a CPS case against her because her son who is 14 years old made up lies about her household. The son went and told his dad these lies when he was visiting him, the dad called CPS and made a report. CPS now is investigating these claims and they made unexpected visits to her home and threatened to remove the other children. The claims were neglect . So YES SD lies could impact my family and I'm not willing to take the risk because Poor her she has to hold her baby sister for a few mins. If she has that type of attitude about her own siblings then I'm sorry NOT sorry don't come to our home then . Simple 

ESMOD's picture

Yes kids can claim things that will cause CPS visits/cases.. but what YOUR SD is alledgedly saying (you don't know what or how she said anything... all you are doing is assuming)... is that she has to watch kids in your home.. she isn't saying you are beating her with a tire iron.. she isn't saying that her dad is creeping in her bed at night!   She is saying things that while a kid her age might feel annoyed or put upon... isn't abuse!

and.. you are getting this tale via three sets of tellers..  Theoretically.. SD says something to BM.. BM says something to FIL.. FIL says it to your DH.. and DH says it to you.. do you know that there is a huge amount and possibility that the story is twisted and changed or inflated along that winding track?

This is not a case of you seeing SD eat the last cup cake.. then ask her if she ate it.. and she lies and says no.. and you absolutely know for a fact she is lying... you are drawing a conclusion based on some circumstances that make you want to believe she is lying.

And.. neglect can have multiple meanings.. you neglect to do your chores.. you neglect to pay attention to a child.. is not the same thing as neglecting a child as in not feeding them.. making them sleep on the floor.  she feels neglected.. her dad can't even bother to be around when she comes.. the rare instance where she does? he is gone.  She probably feels that everyone is paying all sorts of attention to the little ones.. and it may because they need more care than a teen.. but the result is that she probably doesn't get much attention.. so she feels a bit neglected.. it is not the same as a CPS case of neglect.. where toddlers are wearing week old diapers.

And.. she probably feels some resentment and jealousy to the kids that get everyone's attention.. full time.  she may not care for hanging out with little kids.. just because they are in her family.. doesn't mean she will love playing blocks with a toddler.. or swinging a baby.. YOU love it.. they are YOUR kids.. she is their sibling.. she is not obligated to want to or have to play with them.. I did not and do not care for little kids.. they are loud.. sticky.. gross.. and I spend as little time in their company as possible.. I did not babysit as a teen.. because.. I did not like kids... to me not fun to be around. Maybe SD is like that? it does not make her a bad person to want to have more space to herself.. it makes her different from you.  I mean.. I get it.. they are part of her family.. and she should be tolerant of them.. and should not resent caring for them when needed.. but she is 13.. she is immature.. she is likely self absorbed like most teens.. that does not mean she doesn't deserve to see her father.. and to be in his home... 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I don't have time to read your story ... frankly I do not care . Neglect is neglect , you do not know the case. I do. And what was said was very minor and STILL she had a case against her . So no I don't ever want a case against me and no l dont  ever want my children at risk. I'm not sure why it's so hard for you to get when everyone else sees it so clearly . It doesn't matter how or what SD has said, point is why are you fueling the flames ? SD knows that when she tells BM something guess who get it ? DH. Also today SD has already admitted she said something to the family about "watching our kids " she said the incthe presence of both BM and her dad so agsin you are wrong . I'm sorry to tell you but sometimes there are actual bad apples that would love nothing more then to lie about things that aren't true to gain attention. She said she denied it because she didn't want DH to get upset . Also BM was covering for her . 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

what you say clearly either. What I see clearly is that for as long as I can remember reading your blogs, it always seems like you are just waiting for that one thing to happen that will get your DH to stop being involved at all with SD. I don't know how many times I have read on here about you wanting your DH to drop the rope and not have SD come over or be involved with her at all anymore. 

The fact is your DH messed up when he started allowing SD to miss visitation with him and it isn't like JMTB's SS where his mom has to take him to the airport and put him on a plane in another state, your DH drives to BM's and picks her up in person. Your DH could have driven to BM's house and then messaged/texted BM that he was there to pick up SD starting a paper trail so he could file contempt on SD missing visitation with her dad, whether he did that the first time she missed or after another time she missed. It would show he was trying to exercise his visitation with his daughter and BM was standing in the way of it.

Now your DH is in a hole because of ALL the visitation that he allowed SD to miss and did nothing about it. You say he met with a lawyer and the lawyer said a judge wouldn't of cared, the lawyer works for your DH and should of pushed to file contempt anyway. Now SD spends almost all of her time with her BM, so it is no surprise that she is more on BM's side than your DH's. If her mom interrogates her or rewards her for giving negative information about your household, why wouldn't she do it? She is a kid so she will want to make the parent she is with majority of the time happy regardless of if it hurts your DH not because she is a bad kid, but because BM trained SD to be this way. 

Add in SD being a teenager, times your DH wasn't there when she came to your house, you not having items that are just SD's at your new house, you (SM) not wanting her there, the focus seeming to be on all the younger siblings instead of on her, etc. There is a lot that has happened that can make her not being on your DH's "side." 

Now BM would always have a bit of an upper hand because SD was always going to spend more time with BM, but your DH still had time with her every month that would help mitigate the PAS a bit, but because SD was allowed to not go and spend this time with DH, it tipped the scales in BM's favor. SD probably does lie, I mean, what kid doesn't. SD sometimes lies and she is 6 and already we can see sometimes she lies thinking she will make us happy about lies against BM. BM probably rewards her even if it is by seeming happy when SD lies about us so it encourages it. At 13, after way more time to train this behavior and nothing trying to stop it, I am not surprised.

I do think so far nothing your SD has done or said is something to warrant SD not being allowed to come in your home. It is my understanding no matter what the claim is to CPS, they HAVE to investigate anything that could be neglect, abuse, etc. so that is why no matter how small the thing that was said about your friend, is being investigated. Hell, you could end up being investigated about something your own kid says about your "ours" kids with your DH to the wrong person. But, I think encouraging your DH to not see SD and to drop the rope because she is acting how she has been allowed to act is not going to benefit anyone except BM and give her exactly what she wants.

Your DH should push for every single visit he is supposed to have and be there for every second of the visit she is there. If you are that worried about a claim being made about your SD watching her siblings when she is there, then don't, not because there is something wrong with it, but to give you peace of mind and she isn't there hardly anyway so it shouldn't make that much of a difference. 

I would be very curious on how you would act/feel if it were your son and it was your DH we were talking about. If your ex got in the way of your visits with your son, would you be okay with him not coming for his visits with you? Would you take a lawyers advice and not file contempt on your son's dad from getting in the way of your visitation? Would you be okay with your Dh despising your son and hope he never comes back to visit? Just food for thought.

AlmostGone834's picture

Yes to all of this. The guy just doesn't care enough unfortunately and SD reads into it. Proof in point what is his solution to her lying? Instead of being a parent and making her visit, spending time with her (making time) and teaching her right from wrong (ie making her write and apology, having a heart to heart with her because let's be real she's acting this way because of her feelings towards him and his new family), what does he do? "Oh it's best if she just doesn't come over" SMDH he wins an award. That solves nothing. In fact it plays right into BM's and the rest of the in-laws' hands. 
He clearly doesn't make his CS obligations (no matter how "small" the balance is). Maybe he should man up and get a real job (or 2) to support all his kids instead of a a photography business that isn't paying all the bills. Secondly yeah I don't blame SD for not wanting to go to work with him. That's not quality time. Any photographer has to be following around the people who hired him taking pictures, not playing with his daughter on their time. So she probably is left to sit somewhere bored. Thirdly, at 13 who's gonna want to be on a pull-out couch surrounded by a bunch of little kids? Tweens and teens need their own space and privacy. A place to get away from the commotion. 

ESMOD's picture

You are wrong.  Neglect can be used in many ways as a term.. not all of it is worthy of CPS.

Your husband does neglect his daughter... he has not pushed for her inclusion in your household.  He has allowed you to push her to the edges.. you hate everything about her.. seeing her posessions in your house.. you have never felt she belonged.. wanted to take just the other kids on special outings.. SD can just go to work with her DH.. she KNOWS you don't like her.. she knows that you are pushing for your DH to minimize her being in his life.

and then you have a BM who is happy to amplify that narrative.

More than once.. it is "her" weekend.. and he has a photo job and if she wants to see him.. she goes to work with him.. I'm sure just a lovely bonding time.. when he is WORKING.  I'm not saying it's your  job to care for her.. it is HIS job to be available to actually parent his child and make room for HER in his life.

You are all about your younger kids.. don't care about SD.. you try to push this story that it is her fault.. but if I were her.. I wouldn't go to her dad's either.. he isn't there for her and you hate her.. so why go where she is so clearly unwanted.. I mean.. is her bed still in storage.. she still sleeping on the pullout?  have you purged every item of hers from the home.. so she lives out of a bag when she DOES visit.

You have been entirely unkind to her.. and have easily made this situation worse for your DH and his child's relationship.

But.. I know you don't care.. as long as she stays away.. that is your goal.  

SD absolutely isn't lying about the way she is being treated.. unfortunately. what is being relayed is likely closer to the truth than you care to admit.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Lol ... really .. I forgot you live in my home. You know what SD says ohhhh and you are even a CPS case worker . sTFU seriously, why don't you tell all you nonsense to my friend who is literally going through hell because of these neglect lie claims . He claims he was left alone at night , doesn't sound like much right ? Well CPS takes those things seriously, SD has once made these claims to BM when she was younger that we would leave her alone . BM would call us furious . I mean really at this point you just do not know

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Also I don't have to push anything SD admitted she lied lol seriously you need help . I dunno why you are so convinced this girl doesn't have bad intentions. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I agree that the dad is the one who dropped the ball here. But - if HE can't be bothered to fight for SD to be present per the CO, why should OP? This guy has created a mess through his weakness and inability to manage his daughter, BM, his family, and now BM's family. I get OP's frustration at being the scapegoat. I would feel "done", too.

It doesn't help that the husband runs and tells her all the negative things the extended family is saying about her. I wonder if, on some level, he wants to get OP upset so she will either fight this battle for him or end it. Meaning, if he doesn't really want to deal with SD, "welp, my wife won't allow it, sorry!" I honestly don't blame OP for her feelings. I think a lot of people would feel the same. It's hard enough to raise your own kids, but with all these people giving her bullsh!t about her household, it would drive me crazy. Only her husband can fix this mess. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

ETA, if it were me, i would tell DH that SD is welcome in our home on her CO'd days, as long as he, her dad, is either there spending time with her or he sees that she is supervised, whether he takes her to his photo shoots, has her in some kind of activity, or whatever. I don't blame OP for not wanting to babysit a hostile guest. An alienated teen girl is a very hostile guest, too.

Yesterdays's picture

Yep the onus should be on daddio. And it would mean he has to be there for his kid. Do things with her and not rely on OP. OP is busy with young ones and it sounds like SD is a pain in the butt with her behavior quite frankly. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

OP should 100% disengage and leave it all up to her DH. He doesn't see SD? Well that is on DH. In laws try and talk to OP about it? "Talk to DH." Lather, rinse, repeat. I don't think OP should discourage her DH from seeing or talking to SD, but just have the step life topic as an off limit topic for them to discuss and not being involved with anything having to do with SD.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yea I was actually the one to encourage he enforce EOW visits, he has been home on the weeeknds now for a while so I told him that SD should have a more stable schedule. I only tell him my feelings about what has happened and encourage him to parent her as he has No problem parenting our 3 children and even my bio son. But he must hold SD accountable for the lies she has been spreading . You don't just shit all over the family and walk around like you are a victim. So his solution was 2 serious talks via FaceTime which were recorded and no visit this weekend until she apologizes 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yes exactly. Again I never said she was not allowed in my house I dunno where crazy lady got that from. Other people were sort of mentioning this . All I said was if SD because want to be bothered by her siblings then maybe she should not come or go to grandmas house . I told DH i do not feel safe around her, I feel uncomfortable around her now so if she comes I will be completely hands off. He agree that maybe taking a weekend off from her coming on her visitation would be best , now that's his call. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yes I absolutely put this on DH , especially now that SD admitted she lied . He needs to handle it just the same way he handles our other children. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Here is the thing.... SD has been known to talk about things in our home know in it brings drama between us and BM. She has ran and told BM things before for the benefit of BM . She use to tell BM every time I didn't go to my in-laws house .. why? So that way BM could feel like in-laws didn't like me..Also it's like why are you doing this ? Running back and forth and telling BM things that do not concern her . My son certainly does not go to his dads house and just complain and tell him things that go on at our house . SD knows that there's a strain between BM and is so why would she purposely tell BM things that she knows will cause a rift ? Because no one ever holds SD accountable for anything . SD has been caught in numerous lies before . She use to tell BM we would leave her home alone so we could do things, she do I thin SD told/complained to BM that she had to watch out kids, absolutely. SD did it to gain sympathy so she could use it later as a excuse as to why she doesn't want to come over . I think BM fed this to her dad and anything else who would listen. As I told DH if SD feels so bothered by her siblings and helping out at the minimum then maybe SD just doesn't need to come over then . 

ESMOD's picture

My SD's BM used to grill the girls over every detail of the visit.. to them.. it was difficult mom asks.. they felt obligated to answer.. she was the primary parent.. they had to live with her.  There were times when things would boomerang back via BM with us.. yes it's annoying.. but the kids are often put squarely in the middle and don't have many options.

ESMOD's picture

how do you know..are you bugging her got her wired up?  or are you taking someone's word for it that may not have the correct story?

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Text messages . I told DH to get it on writing of her low just in case . She texted DH saying she lied and she didn't want DH to be upset with her so she denied it... it I bet that won't be good enough for you lol!!!!! But it was for me , so if anything should happen with CPS or anything we have now a video recording FaceTime and text messages 

Rags's picture

full time residents and on a visitation schedule.

I attended boarding school. When I was home on breaks, I had chores. I protested.  Why did those things not get done while I was at school if they were so important?  I still had to do them.

The more I protested, the more I was assigned.

I learned pretty quickly to do what I was asked and to participate in family activities.

That so many of these toxic CODs get away with doing shit for nothing because they have spineless parents is infuriating. Particularly to SParents.  

IMHO, WombGrandPa saying a word would have gotten the 13yo the chore list from hell and she would know that her lies and WombGrandPa overstepping is why she has that chore list from hell. WombGrandPa should know that he initiated the chore list from hell as well.  Consequences follow lies. Consequences follow WombGrandPa overstepping.

Lather.... rinse.... repeat.

Yesterdays's picture

My hubby got in heck with bio mom for having the kids make their own school lunches. He made sure the lunches were ok. She scolded him.... <<rolls eyes >>>

What bio mom says or believes is not gospel. They are actually holding the kids back from growing up and maturing and becoming independent by coddling them with things like making them not do chores or babysitt.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

after SD got off the phone with BM this past Saturday, SD started acting like how she acts when she first comes because BM babies SD and coddles her instead of encouraging her to be independent. Luckily that only lasted a couple of hours and hasn't been acting that was again, but it is so frustrating how they don't see how coddling hurts their development!

Harry's picture

He believes..  That your main problem. It's DH.   As long as he keeps on this believe everything from BM.  This will never end.  You must disengage from all of the craziness 

Felicity0224's picture

To me it sounds likely that ex-FIL got his information from BM, not from SD. Maybe SD mentioned/complained about having to 'watch' the little ones, and BM (who was already upset about your DH being behind in CS) took it and ran with it. It seems really silly to ban SD from your home because of something she may or may not have even said. And if she did say it, complaining about chores is literally universal to all kids. Even the best ones sometimes exaggerate and make it seem like they're being overworked. No judge is going to bat an eye at a kid being made to contribute to the household by doing basic chores. CPS isn't going to remove your children because SD claims she's babysat them. And, by the way, BM isn't wrong to be miffed about CS. If I recall your backstory correctly, your DH has been unemployed/underemployed for a pretty long time. He was ordered to pay a specific amount for a reason, if it's truly unreasonable or impossible for him to meet that obligation, then he should seek a modification. 

Once, BM told my XH that my SDs were "sick of being forced to care for DD in the mornings while Felicity sleeps in." In reality, DD was 4 years old and would often wake up SDs immediately when she woke up and I wouldn't know she was up until I heard the microwave warming her overnight oats. Then I'd get up and find them all playing in the kitchen where one of the SDs had put her oatmeal into a bowl and heated it for her. I was LIVID that the SDs would exaggerate like that. But I didn't say anything. Instead I told DD very sternly every night at bedtime that she needed to wake me up and let SDs sleep (her normal routine when they weren't with us). So that's what she did. A few weeks later, one my my SDs mentioned to XH that she was sad I'd started getting up first with DD because she always enjoyed their time in the mornings. XH told her what BM had said and SD was genuinely perplexed and insisted she'd never said anything of the kind. Now, my SDs talk a lot of shit, no doubt, but in this case it was glaringly obvious that BM took an offhand comment that one of them made about making DD breakfast and turned it into something different. I was so glad I hadn't made a huge fuss over it. And DD is 9 now and my SDs very rarely spend the night with us, but they all still talk fondly about the "sister breakfasts" they used to have. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Well BM said that Her-dad made it all up which is even more concerning because it means she is covering for herself or SD . Like at this point why lie? There's no way I believe that her dad just randomly decided on Monday he was gonna pull a complete lie out of his ass to attack DH with . BM father has never been rude to DH in all the years he has known him. They were all together when this came about so I do think SD said some things in front of him and BM ... and it's like why would SD do that ? Like how did my kids just pop up in conversation? Also they way BM father was telling it , it seemed like a lot more was said than just " I have to hold the baby sometimes " this was full on "I have to baby sit my siblings alot and for awhile" it's just really random to me. My son doesn't walk in my ex house and just start out with " I have to baby sit my siblings alot and I don't like it" my son actually never really talks about our house to my ex because why .... to be clear we are not banning SD from our home but we are putting it out there that we are not happy about this lying and if SD feels "put upon" then maybe she should not visit . 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

One unintended consequence of joint custody is the competition and finger-pointing between households. My SO's nieces learned early on that they got lots of attention and sympathy by telling their mom bad things about their dad and his wife. It went so far as false rape (yes rape!) accusations. But, a funny thing happened. They learned they could use it on other people, too. It created a couple of monsters that nobody would be around, and even their mom got to where she couldn't handle them. It's sad and it's bad for everyone involved, even the child making the accusations. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yup this is my point , like what else is next you know. She has already been creating lies. Are household is already in question and is "unsafe" if it's so unsafe then maybe SD should not come ... but yea I really feel and know that SD has told lies because of the very fact that it makes BM look stable and SD like the victim in which she Gaona sympathy and attention 

Lillywy00's picture

I'm sorry but this is the problem with entitled skids and their bio parents wonder why no one wants their kids over for more than 2 hours like typical guests. 

Those skids get 

  • room and board
  • hot meals
  • entertainment
  • chauferring
  • maid/nanny service
  • etc

And you mean to tell me they can't do a favor/clean up behind themselves/help with a household task/etc when asked? 

This generation is soft af! And these skids have zero home training...If I provide for you the least you can do is make yourself useful. Don't want to help? = Don't come over!

Yesterdays's picture

Won't help them in life... Thats for sure. No one in the real world cares if they feel lazy. 

PetSpoiler's picture

Why would OP want her SD at her house when SD tells lies?  I've followed your blogs too, OP, and haven't seen any indication that you just couldn't stand your SD from day one. I believe you have tried to treat her kindly and got spit in the face from it.  I'm sorry, but why have a bedroom for someone who doesn't want to come visit?  Have a place for her to sleep, yes, but not a whole unused room.  Your husband is not doing her any favors by not holding her accountable for lying.  I wouldn't want her near me either if she lied about me.  Lying is the main reason I no !longer speak to my SS the Lying Ingrate and his wife the She-Devil.  Want to tell lies that cause a big fuss?  Do it somewhere else.  Not in my life.  I hope he blocked the grandpa.  

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I appreciate you because yes I have tried , even after she lied about us. I still had a heart to heart with her to make her know she is welcome in the house and that we all enjoy having her over . I provided for her , I made all her meals. I did a lot for her to just get treated like this . 

Rags's picture

when we were growing up.

The same should apply today.

IMHO of course.


Lying POS kids have no place in quality families.  A fib is one thing. Complex lies that hurt people.. are worthy of writing off the toxic liar.

Write this 13yo liar off. She has earned it. She is past old enough to know right from wrong and that lying is wrong.

Let those catering to her lies deal with her.  Less than 5 years and not only can she stay written off, she is no longer a financial burden on your marriage.

If she were any younger, I would advise differently.