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Who else is having their SKID for Mother’s Day?

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I will and I'm upset about it!! It's DH weekend but BM was asking to keep her, my DH messed up by saying he would get back with her about it. Today DH told me we will have SD because BM doesn't want to have her anymore this weekend not even on Mother's Day! She said for them to meet the normally times which is late ( drive is 2 hours so he is home at 9:30pm). He was shocked she didn't even want her Mother's Day and told her that it was wrong BM doesn't want her any holiday and she was also with us last year for Mother's Day also . SD was "sad" that day and it has to be all about her and poor her because BM didn't want her instead of celebrating Mother's Day for me ! She was horrible last time she came ! We plan on having MIL over on Mother's Day which I was ok with because SD11 would not be here ( SD usually craves all the attention when MIL is around) now I'm pissed knowing she will yet again ruin another Mother's Day for me! Ughhhhhggg I don't know what we can do other then DH refuse to get her but I know He won't, especially on his weekend. Anyone else going through this , this weekend  

Comments

Caroline2b1211's picture

I do really understand your frustration.

Kids should be with their mother on this special day. And mothers should celebrate it with joy and hapiness.

However, i understand DH. What could he say ? 
 

In another hand, in this situation, i will ask him to celebrate this day at home without MIL. You can have full control of the situation in that case.
It's YOUR day, you can decide what to do.

SD might be sad, but no way in hell you should suffer from that. It's not your fault

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yes it's just annoying that this happened every year and every holiday for that matter! I would not care if SD11 could actually behave and act her age but she never does and she must be the center of attention! I was looking forward to MIL coming over and us all relaxing because I thought SD would not be here. MIL is enjoyable to be around and she helps me so much with DD2 and DS4 . I know DH will not be ok with telling his mom to not coming on mother's days after we already talked about her coming. I'll just have to make the most of my t and ignore SD

step-out's picture

DH and MIL want to invite SD26 to Mother's Day at our house. She is so much like your SD except older and more dramatic if you can even believe it. If she comes, I don't know how I will be able to be in the same space, so I'll keep busy, gray rock and think of you doing the same thing. 

advice.only2's picture

I'm really sorry that sucks! Personally I hate Mother's Day, because I am so busy jumping through hoops for my own mother that I don't even really enjoy stuff with my kids. I just tell them look, buy me a coffee or something that day and we can call it good lol.

ntm's picture

If not, he doesn't have to agree to take her. This is YOUR day. Make sure he understands that clearly. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

He is not but I know DHwould not refuse his weekend.... BM does a good job at making him feel bad but I think I will have a talk with him later about this subject especially since we have had her every year for Mother's Day. I don't think that he knows he can refuse his weekend 

futurobrillante99's picture

Your husband has two jobs on Mother's Day. Number one, he should honor his mother. Number two, he should honor his wife and the mother of his two young children. He does not have to honor his former wife. And his older child can give her mother a card or call her if she wants to.

But the day should be about you and his mother.

personally, while I like to spend time with my children, I have been known to pamper myself on Mother's Day, and not spend time with my children.

I think it is the job of partners and children to let mom do whatever she wants to do on Mother's Day. If that means not cooking, doing something fun, or doing something all by herself, that's what should happen.

 

in other words, I don't think it's wrong of BM to not have visitation with her daughter. It's her day to do with whatever she wants to. It sucks for you, but you have the freedom to do whatever you want to do on your own or with a friend.

You like your mother-in-law a lot. Why not go out to lunch with your mother-in-law. Just the two of you, and leave your husband home with all three kids.

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

Mothers day isnt a vacation/day off for mothers, its actually a holiday for children to celebrate their mothers hard work and spend quality time with them....whats the point of mothers day if you go to the spa and have a girl/womans day while kids are at home with dad lol

Same thing with fathers day, its not for dads to take the day off parenting and enjoy it with their mates while the kids are at home with mom

These days are meant to celebrate relationships with our parents and spend quality time with them not get nails done or hang out with mates at the bar lol

Monkeysee's picture

It’s a bit much telling anyone how they should celebrate their own Mother's Day. If Futuro wants to pamper herself on Mother's Day, that's her prerogative. If you want to allow your kids to make it special for you in whatever way you want, that's up to you. There's no rule book saying 'this is what must happen'. Futuro's kids are adults as well, it's not like they'll be heartbroken because they can't give her the macaroni necklaces they made at daycare! Not knocking macaroni necklaces, my DD is young & I can't wait till she starts bringing things like that home for me. But when she's older, you bet I'll be at the spa, celebrating myself. Because I deserve it, and so does FB.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I think each situation of different . My kids are young and SD is 11. Also my SD already has ababonment issue becaise her mom left her for 7 months to move to another city with out her . BM never has her on holidays either . SD has issues because of this. 

Monkeysee's picture

Absolutely. Everyone should celebrate in the way that makes sense for them & their families. 
For the record, I prefer not having my SS's on Mother's Day either. I like being able to celebrate being a mum, because I waited a long time to be one, and it’s not the same when they're around. So I totally get your feeling of irritation, especially if your SD makes it all about her & people cater to that on your day. Very annoying.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I had a talk with my DH about it after doing some thinking . His issue is he really thinking he HAS to have SD because it's his weekend . I told him that he needs to TELL BM, not ask her that he is dropping off SD Sunday morning so she can spend Mother's Day with her mother! I know for a fact my SD would make that day about her . That's why im making a big deal about SD not being here 

 

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

I am sorry if I came accross as blunt but if we allow such thinking as mothers day being a day off for the mother or father then it invalidates court order visitations which states that these holidays are meant for the children to spend time with mother or father respectively

If mothers/fathers day were days off for parents, then the court order wouldnt enforce visitation time with each respectively on these weekends regardless of the regular scheduled access

Monkeysee's picture

Not every court order is identical, so not every court order would have that stipulation. My DH's court order doesn't specify Mother's or Father's Day. Also, again, if the kids are adults like futuros are there won't be a need for a court order. So this point is moot. 

futurobrillante99's picture

I gave birth 3 times. Labored many hours only to have a c-section each time. I raised them into adulthood. 
 

Mother's Day is at least one day that mom gets pampered. It's not one more day for the kids where she is on duty or owes them something. 
 

The duty falls on her children (or partner of the kids are young) to honor her for being a mom. 
 

I'll be darned if I would feel like I MUST do what others want me to do on a day set to honor me. I got my share of breakfasts in bed made by tiny hands and macaroni necklaces. I loved it. 

Now, send me a card or some flowers, but I've got adventures to be had and I've earned the right to spend my day my way. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I agree to a point. I am taking my time on Saturday to have a adult brunch with my sister and mother without my kids who are young and a hand full but mother's days I will be home with my children and my DH plans on making it special for me with my kids . Also I understand mother's want time off but in my case being a mother as well BM wants her day off at the expense of us including me being a mother having SD which is a sucky situation for me. She could take her take on Saturday like I am doing since DH will have SD and agree to get her Sunday but BM is guilt tripping DH that it's his weekend no matter what even tho the court order says other wise about Mother's Day . Also do you know what a huge fit BM would have if DH didn't want SD for Father's Day? 

ndc's picture

My DH's court order doesn't provide for the kids to be with mom or dad on Mother's Day or Father's Day, respectively.  Hallmark holidays are treated like any other weekend.  Some COs address those days, as well as birthdays, and others don't.

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

They tried but i quickly shut it down with a screenshot of the mothers day section in the court order (yes i keep a copy on my phone and computer) highlighting that mothers day starts at 6pm the weekend before mothers day and ends on mothers day at 6pm....I love this court order so much, it keeps me sane....therefore we are skipping a weekend and wont see them for 2 weeks....oh how sweet

I dont think it matters what your husband or his daughter feel, the court order states that fathers day is a weekend for fathers and mothers day is a weekend for mothers...if they dont have time to accomodate their own children for one holiday that they know come up every year at the same date, then its not your problem and it certainly shouldnt fall on the other parent unless they are gullible and disney dads

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Oh really I didn't know that!! Well I'm not gonna fight with DH over this even tho I don't think it's right that BM doesn't want her child on mother's day even if it's DH weekend. Going forward she will not be with us on Mother's Day no matter who's weekend it is. I'm sure BM would have a fit of DH didn't want SD on Father's Day . I'm going out to brunch and pampering on Saturday so I can be with my kids on mother's days. I am always with my kids on Mother's Day. I know a few people said I should make my on plans but I enjoy spending that day with my children and DH. I'll just have to not let SD ruin it for me again ..

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

You must obtain a copy of the court order. Every standard possession court order makes a provision for the following holidays:

-Spring break (every other year for each parent)

-Mothers Day (every mothers day weekend with mother)

-Fathers Day (every fathers day weekend with father)

-Summer break (every year with both parents split)

-Thanksgiving (every other year for each parent)

-Xmas (every other year for each parent)

-New Years (every other year for each parent)

-Childrens bdays (if bdays fall on custodial parents time, then non custodial gets two hours with child and vice versa)

In addition, specific provisions are made for single holidays (i.e. memorial day, labor day, etc.) based on parents arrangements. Outside of these holidays, regular standard possession is in place for weekends. Holiday arrangements in the court order supersede any standard access time/weekend. When holiday is over, standard possession schedule resumes

 

More information at:

https://www.custodyxchange.com/locations/usa/texas/visitation-schedule.php

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Thank you! I told DH this and he still has it in his head it's his weekend when really it's not

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Also she never has SD those holidays except some summer time . Spring was spend with us last year, this year with MIL and the years before . BM always has a excuse for not wanting SD thanksgiving and Xmas also 

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

I strongly encourage you to get a copy of the court order that states visitation as some others have mentioned that it differs from state to state but in TX, mothers day/fathers day are clearly outlined in a standard possession order

It doesnt matter if it is his weekend, the holiday possession supersedes that. Same if fathers day falls on her weekend, he gets the children anyway as holiday schedule supersedes standard schedule

If she doesnt want to have the children during the court ordered time, you can file a motion to enforce visitations provided that you have documented her missed visitations and how it affects the well being of the child. Being a parent isnt really a game but a lot of deadbeats get away because the other parent is "cool" or wants "bonus points" for having the child on extra time

 

Dont compromise and put a boundary that your husband should follow the court order TO THE LETTER

futurobrillante99's picture

Mother's Day should be Exactly how you want it. That was my point. 
 

Whether you want to be with or without your kids, it's your day, your way. 
 

My only assertion is it's not a day where moms are obliged to do what others think they should. Do what makes you happy.

agitated's picture

Unfortunately mine lives with us full-time; always has (14 years). I have had the JOY of dealing with her every.single.year because BM always lived too far away to celebrate with her. However, she works that morning, so I will at least have some time with just my bios.