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Today I am OVER being a step mom

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Maybe it's the hormones talking ( I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant) or maybe it's the exhaustion but here's my rant! I am fed up with being a step mom and being with someone who has a brat, entitled, baby complex daughter! Maybe it's the way I was raised but shit is starting to chap my butt! I'm over the stupid excuses SD feeds to DH and how DH feeds right back into them , vice Vera for BM. Oh poor baby SD is tired of driving back and forth MAYBE once a month to see her father ( BM moved 3 hours away) well it's funny that MY kids never ever complain they are tired when they go with DH every time to pick up SD which is half way!!!!!! They all travel the same amount of time yet Poor baby SD is "too tired" and my DH validates this behavior with BM "oh I know SD is tired of coming back and forth" give me a damn break ! SD is not tired when she comes back to see her friends. I am sick of this shit! If she is too tired to come and not come at all this month and once last month then maybe she doesn't even need a room! I could use that space for the new baby who will be here 24/7! Am I wrong ? I am just sick of DH telling my BS10 he needs more responsibilities and not be a baby and why is he tired if he is not going to school when DH needs to have that same energy with SD! I'm starting to feel angry towards DH about this and I told him how I felt and he said nothing ! His daughter just doesn't want to come anymore because she doesn't wanna be held at the same level as the other kids, she wants to be treated as "special" , she is jealous DH and I have DD3 . SD is selfish and BM is PAS on daddy's time not being important, I mean how can I see this and not him! That's my rant !!!!! Lol 

Comments

dragonfly878's picture

I'm sure he sees it- it's just easier for him to agree than to confront. I'm sure he doesn't want to rock the boat so she'll still want to come to your house. 
 

I completely agree with you- the ammount of shit these bio parents gloss over is amazing and needs to stop.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Exactly ! I am a bio mom to 3 kids and I hold them accountable for their actions and behavior, well accept for  DD who is almost 3 . But if my son said " I'm too tired to see dad" and he never visits his dad and I would be like "son get in the car, it's a car ride not the end of the world and it's important for you to see your father , he misses you " like come on !!! I just don't get it but hey at least I don't get to see SD and no gas is wasted but still !!!! 

dragonfly878's picture

It's still anxiety provoking... is she coming or not.... can I switch this bedroom or not... it's like you're being held emotionally and logistically hostage by the decisions of a kid and that should never be the case.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yes!!! Sooo true ! It does cause a lot of anxiety because DH doesn't have a job right now so it's like money he doesn't have on gas to drive 2 hours to get her. I dunno how to break this cycle and take back control over my own house with out upset or looking like I am being insensitive 

AgedOut's picture

if she's only coming once a month and only for a tiny bit of time, then yes you should redistribute bedrooms. There's a good chance that once the new baby is here she won't want her tiny bit of visiting time because babies need attention and she won't be able to handle it. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

She already can't handle it. I'm know DH will not go for it tho becsause needs her space here ! It's a damn empty bed that never ever gets used! SD shares it with DD 3 but  I want DD and baby to be together . Although I know baby will sleep with us for a while but once the baby gets older SHE WILL have her own space and not in our room 

strugglingSM's picture

I'm in the same headspace. I'm tired of SSs coming over to whine, complain, and cause drama. I'm sick of them constantly spouting BM's toxic ideas that DH doesn't do enough, doesn't spend enough, and cares too much about DD and not enough about them. One of them is constantly saying, "you need to remember you have three children, dad!" as if DH has somehow forgotten or as if DH is somehow giving too much attention to our toddler (who gets pushed aside and disrupted EOWE when her teen brothers are here). It enrages me that BM (and MIL) and SSs try to weaponize the fact that my daughter was born in order to paint DH as a bad father to SSs. Sixteen year olds shouldn't need constant attention and coddling, also BM has successfully PA'd them to the point where we know nothing (and are not allowed to ask anything) about their lives outside of the EOWE they are at our home, so really, BM is the one who marginalized him as a father. I'm sick of DH not calling SSs out on their disrespectful behavior when they are here and I'm sick of him having higher standards of behavior for our 18 month old than he does for his 16 year old sons! DH yelled at me over some perceived slight of SSs this week and I lost it on him. I also avoided SSs. I don't want to see them anymore. One of them is an immature baby and I can't stand him. He also ignores DD...it was sort of funny and also sort of sad to watch her look over at him this weekend trying to get him to look at her and he refused. Ugh...I wish they would just stop coming over. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Here here!!!! I feel your pain! BM is a master manipulator also well !!!! I'm told DH to stop begging her to come and stop the games of "is she coming or not" EOW and letting it drag out for hours until finally SD tells DH no she is not coming , or I should say making BM tell DH SD is not coming !!!

dragonfly878's picture

My SS14 sounds just like your SS... coddled beyond belief. It's maddening when DH holds DD2 to a higher standard than SS14.

We literally have to correct them for the same behaviors... NEVER IN MY LIFE would I imagine I would need to correct the same behaviors in a 14 year old and a 2 year old...

Harry's picture

For there own bedroom. Just move baby into it.  Better still.  Don't say anything, just Start moving baby stuff into SD bedroom.   " you have exter space to pit the changing table in that room". Then some diapers, some clothes,  then the hold room.

Dont start a discussion, don't say I am planning,  just slowly start moving thing in.  

Tried out's picture

and my guy was telling off my kid but letting his own kid get away with the same thing I'd call him out on it. AND tell him until he finally addresses it with his daughter your son is off limits.

It's like he's taking his frustrations out on your child and he needs to find another outlet. Like his daughter.

SteppedOut's picture

No way in hell would he discipline my kid, but not his own. EFF THAT. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

So true and I have been calling out on it and it causes a lot of fights between him and I'll but I don't let him treat me son that way knowing his daughter needs some serious correcting ! He is always on my sons ass about anything and I'm always there coming right behind him telling him to back off 

Tried out's picture

for you and your son!

Ashleytenorio17's picture

When SD is here he does correct her and discipline her but he doesn't see what she is currently doing is a problem