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Skids and half siblings

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I have SD who is 10, is the only child to BM and was true only child for years until DS3 was born. SD use to have a stepdad who had a daughter maybe 2 years older then SD and SD would call her , her "sister" they got along great. But SD has no relationship at all with DS3 or DD 6 months. We get SD EOW and SD use to always complain how "lonely" she was to DH . I thought SD would be thrilled to have a brother and sister but no.. I also have BS8 who she some what gets along with but not really. I don't want to force the relationship but I also feel like they should have some form of relationship. I have told DH many times about SD being jealou of her siblings but he doesn't try to help...how does everyone else handle skids and their siblings? I just feel like SD is growing more resentment toward her siblings.

Comments

Siemprematahari's picture

If your SD and H don't seem interested in forging a relationship of any kind with the siblings I wouldn't push it. I'd let it be and continue going about my business. Just focus on your children and let the pieces fall where they may. If SD is growing more resentment that's on your H. Don't take on anymore unnecessary problems than you need to.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yea I just let it be but I was wondering if she had a relationship with them maybe she would stop acting like she needs to fight for daddees attention all the time . She sees DD as a threat and SD when get in a bad mood and be mean to BS8 when DH is loving on DD , not so much with DS3. Its very stressful 

Siemprematahari's picture

When SD acts this way your H should address it right away, each and every time. He should talk to her and let her know she is loved and give her a sense of security. He should be the one trying to make sure there's healthy interactions between them. If he's not doing that SD may only ramp things up the older she gets. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yes usually I'll tell him when SD is being beyond rude my BS8 and that's the only time I step in, he will tell SD to be nice and try to play nice with BS, DH will call SD over when he is home DD and try to get her to interact with her sister but she just won't and does not even acknowledge her existence. I'm thinking ok this is your actual sister and you won't accept her but you will call someone who has no blood relation to you your sister. I guess like you said we will let it be, I just hope when she gets older like teen is doesn't get worse

Focused_onourlife's picture

We went through this with my SD's especially my YSD. It's not your BK's personally (it wasn't in my case) it's because your SD may feel your BK's stole her dad, your DH and she feels threatened by their presence.  I used to tell my DH that he needed to make time with my SD's without having our BK's around and he insisted they see us all as a family unit. I'm not sure what you mean by "gets worse"? I just think your BK's will get used to you SD acting as though they don't exist and learn how to live without her (and that's okay they have each other). She may try to have a relationship with your BK's when they're older but it may never be a sibling bond.

Like a PP stated above,  it's up to your DH to ensure his children have a bond and one of the most crucial things he has to do is make your SD feel secure and equally loved. It's going to he harder with your SD because 1) she's a girl and 2) she lives with her BM fulltime while your BK's lives with dad fulltime.

 

ETA: I know how upsetting the dynamic can be for you but I can tell you from experience that it's more stressful to worry and hope for things to change when you have no control over them. I would just focus on your BK's and protect your BS from SD's mean behavior.  I had to correct my OSD when it came to our DD twice because my DH "didn't want to chastise her everytime he got to see her".

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yes and she gets a lot of time and affection but it's like never enough. She complained before who she wishes it was just her and her dad only. It just really hurts that she does t see having siblings as a good thing, I have siblings and they are my best friends. Gets worse as in her mistreating her half siblings where I feel like I can't trust her alone with them. She does things to my BS8 and blames them on him when I know he didn't do it , that's what I meant. I just don't wanna worry about her also doing this to DS and DD

shamds's picture

Has kids or skids that her bios tend to accept them better.

when daddy remarries or has more kids  the attitude is like “great there goes my inheritance” and there is this fighting for his attention.

i remember my sd’s were 13 & 23 and hubby had our 2 toddlers aged 1.5 & 2.5 and sd’s were glued to him like all attention had to be on them. Obviously toddlers are not 100% independent and need there parents more at times so hubby still made sure our kids had their needs addressed because unlike sd’s who are capable of doing things on their own, ours can’t 100%

Jcksjj's picture

This is a tough call. I dont think SD has ever even looked at my youngest. Not joking. I'm not sure she could even tell you what color his eyes are. We've decided to just let it be, because with her encouraging things is most likely to lead to her acting perfect in front of adults and then lashing out even more when she gets the chance. On the other hand, I feel like its normalizing to my kids having family treat them like crap so...its hard to know what's the best option.

Theres plenty of bio siblings who never end up being close also, so I dont know that its necessarily just a step thing, but probably more common with step and half siblings.