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SD birthday… the drama continues

Ashleytenorio17's picture

So all the sudden BM decided to be a mom and actually do something for SD birthday which she has not done anything for the past couple of years... Usually MiL plans something small for SD on her birthday weekend because lately it has been landing on DH weekend.. BM has never had a problem with it at all until now of course .BM took it upon herself to book a place for her and SD to go out of town next weekend (DHs weekend) she never told DH anything about it until now or did she ask him if it was okay and now she is all upset because how dare someone try to make plans on DH weekend for SD and not know BM plans! So MiL texted SD asking her if she wanted to celebrate her birthday this weekend with them and of course all the sudden SD wants to come and celebrate. BM told her she would cook for her and ask if she wanted BBq and SD said yes, then SD came back and said she might have plans next weekend with BM so MIL said "I'll ask her " so apparently MIL asked BM and BM told her she already made plans with SD next weekend. So MiL said ok we will celebrate when it's time for SD to come back again. BM then went completely off to DH about it and how she made Plans with SD already next weeks and she is not Losing out on money because SD wanted to come and celebrate with MIL next weekend. She said MiL was being shady by going by going behind her back and talking to SD and making plans . I'm Ike omg first of all no one even knew about BM plans and second MIL cant Text Sd and ask her what she wants to do on a weekend that should

belong to DH?!?!?! This woman I swear !!! Then she went off and said how she is the sole provider for SD and does this and that ... oh lord ... DH didn't reply this time at all. So I'm guessing MIL plans to do something next month since that's when SD may come again and next month is both my sons birthdays and it bothers me because this always happens! Either SD doesn't come when she is suppose to on her b day weekend or most of the plan MIL plans things so last mintier we are literally celebrating her birthday a month later which runs into DS and BS birthdays which is sept 23 and 25 , SD birthday is august 26th. BS I guess is bothered my it because he always ask why we have to celebrate SD birthday in his birthday month and everything is about her first then about them.. and I guess yes that is annoying esp when her birthday is a month before but we are gonna run into that issue again this year .... 

BM was full of cussing and just constantly contradicting herself. She goes on to basically again call DH a bad father for not spending enough time with SD but then always wants to plan things on his weekend... and how she doesn't wanna get screwed out of spending time with  Sd on her birthday .. I'm thinking where the hell were you for the past 5 years on her birthday??? Didn't seem to bother her then 


ndc's picture

Well, your BM is a piece of work, but I'd say it's a win that SD has chosen to spend her birthday with BM.  I would ignore BM and also NOT do anything special for SD's birthday when she comes next.  Her birthday will be over, and it was her choice not to spend it with DH.  Mail her a card and whatever small gift card you can afford and be done with it. You'll save some money, and your BS won't have to share his birthday.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yea well MIL bowed out and said out next time you come we will celebrate so SD will be with BM. Which is absolute shit! So we will be yet again doing her birthday a month later or weeks after it has pass right before my sons birthday 

la_dulce_vida's picture

No, you do NOT have to celebrate SD's birthday next month. She made her choice. She gets a card in the mail and a gift card. MIL can do her own celebration....on her own time. Your focus is on YOUR kids next month. Quit rewarding fickle SD and bossy MIL. Don't allow them to dictate your calendar.

You do something special for YOUR kids and take them away so that SD cannot insert herself and get rewarded for being fickle. NO MAKE UPS.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Well SD wanted to come but BM is basically forcing SD to go with her on this trip she conveniently planned on DH birthday. They are going out of town Friday when she gets out of school. So the next time SD will be here will be the weekend of a September 10 I'm assuming . I don't think she should be rewarded at all esp when she is not coming but I can't tell MIL what to do and she always butts in when she should not ! It's annoying ! I wish I could go out of town that weekend but I don't think DH will wanna go knowing MIL is planning a birthday celebration for SD and I'm not leaving without him since we have a 1 month old now. I can try to convince him and maybe he will forgot about it because honestly we ever know when SD will come .... but going out of town with a small baby period is a lot of work... trying to think of something to detract the kids because I'm sure they will wanna go to MiL house also .. my BS is the one that complains but also it's Ds6 month as well.

AgedOut's picture

I note that neither BM or MIL mentioned your DH in this. 

Sd has chosen to celebrate her birthday w/out including Dad. Send her a nice card and call it done. 



Ashleytenorio17's picture

Right ! DH is just sort of cast off tho the side . He texted her asking what she wanted and big suprise no reply ! 

AgedOut's picture

in my family no reply or "i don't know" gets you a gift card from a store of MY choosing. A mistake they rarely make twice.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Hey I'm right there with you ! Trying to get DH to get this concept is a little more difficult! The little brat should her nothinh since she keeps on ignoring DH but I'm sure she will, nada from me. BM also decided on her own that DH should no longer get his visitation that's why she made plans on his weekend. Her excuse was he needs to start asking her I guess on his weekends if she has plans with SD because it should be a given Sd is not coming anymore on his weekends since she doesn't like to come anymore. I told DH no that is a conversation he needs to have with SD on the phone. 

thinkthrice's picture

BM and MIL are obviously PASing SD out; telling SD that "your father pays for nothing. " (TM)

It's right in the HCGUBM handbook. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Well now SD is ignoring MIL lol just how SD ingnored DH.... she was telling DH was texted SD "we will have to wait until you get back to celebrate is that ok?" Lol and nothin! Then she asked SD "are you mad?" And nothin lol when are they gonna stop feeding into this brat and stop rewarding her! Sure SD was all talks when they were planning her b-day dinner and now she is doing what she does best . Hopefully soon they will see it especially since she is ignoring MIL and no one is telling her "um hello you need to respond" it's like they are all afraid of actually being a little strict with her

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I think she wanted a medal for actually being able to provide for her child for once !!! I was like lady I have been doing it all for almost 10 years now. I mean really .... this just does hand and hand with BM expecting DH to be the provider still for everything and only wanting DH to at attention to SD .