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New strategy… making demands, when will it end

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Now BM has changed her tactics and sent DH random texts yesterday ( a day after she went total BIA on him) just saying "how long is she staying, I can ONLY make it work if she stays with you longer" ohhhhh so some how BM only has gas money to meet DH if SD stays with us longer... she didn't ask or even apologiz for her outburst on DH yesterday, she made her demand and DH better agree if he wants to see his daughter. I told him no she NEEDS to make it work because it's your weekend anyways to have SD and it's Father's Day weekend...keep in SD at own house not gonna work for ME sorry BM. I barely have money right now to spend on groceries for my 3 kiddos with summer being out and SD basically snacks ALL day and no DH does not keep an eye on her. Also I work from home and it's hard enough as it is to keep the kids in line while I have videos meetings . Actually my older son was gonna be with my sister for a few days to help me out . DH was going to do door dash or grub hub during to week also just so he can earn some income until he finds a job so the care of SD will fall on me during the day and night and I'm sorry but that doesn't work for me... I'm 33 weeks pregnant I'm overwhelmed with my kiddos during the summer plus I'm working 40 plus hours and adding another kid to our plate right now just because BM demands it doesn't work for us. I'm trying to save up money for when the baby comes because formula is not cheap. Maybe I'm being selfish but I just do not appreciate BM coming at us like this just because she obviously wants to get rid of SD for a bit.. that would also mean more trips

back and forth to meet her plus getting SD back again on DH next weekend 

Comments

Tried out's picture

you're it.

Is this the new game? If you want SD you have to come and get her - and if you want to get rid of her you have to bring her back?

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yea I told DH that's enough of her damn games ! Enough ! It'a your weekend to have her so there for she needs to surrender her to you and that's it! If BM doesn't agreee then tell her ok that's fine, make a report of it and also request a change in the visitation. Make it worded in the court order that due to the distance ( created by BM) that y'all are to meet half way on DH weekend or DH drives all one way and BM drives the other way on visitation weekend . No more of the BS and games . 

CastleJJ's picture

Don't expect BM to ever apologize. When dealing with a HCBM, they are never wrong and they never apologize. They will continue to place demands and expect you to fall in line, because it is all about them. The sooner you learn that harsh truth, the less irritated you will be by BM's actions. It took me years to come to that realization and I could never understand how BM could not see her own wrongdoings or apologize. It used to drive me up a wall! That would require a healthy co-parenting relationship, which very few (if any) of us have on this site. 

What is the game plan? Your DH needs to be taking any job he can get at this point. I have friends that have tried Door Dash and Grubhub and after fees and taxes are taken, it barely covers the gas used to make the deliveries. You guys are in a rough spot financially and I'm sure the stress of knowing a baby is coming is making it worse. I understand that you are not in a place to handle SD's presence, so DH needs to make adjustments if SD is to come visit, otherwise SD needs to stay with BM, but DH does need to be providing for her both on and off his visitation. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Oh yes I realized this a while back to but still shocks me and I told DH he needs to be doing some push back because we are not at BMs mercy . DH is going to try Amazon flex also since we heard that was pretty good, he is not getting very many call backs but he does have a  interview today . He may start a job on July 18th so he just needs to find some income until then. He agreed to meet BM half way today for his weekend then SD will go to BM mothers house during the week. That is the compromise. I will have to pay for his gas to get SD and groceries needed this weekend. He is working a job on Sunday so hopefully that will help but right now he can't even help me cover much as for as bills or what our children need, it's just tough right now but BM will get her back pay and whatever else DH will need to pay . I don't think he is really making any adjustments, he just wants to see her . I am the one forking out money for her to come .... but I guess 

CastleJJ's picture

I think that is what makes it difficult - as stepparents, we are expected to solve problems, fork over money, watch the kids, etc. It can be frustrating when our own needs aren't being met, yet we are expected to provide to BM and skids. Sometimes makes you feel like second priority over BM and skids. Be sure to set your boundaries and limits, which it sounds like you have - if it doesn't work for you, DH will have to figure it out. If DH doesn't have gas money, oh well.  You cannot be the end all in this situation. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yes . It's just crazy and it's my daughters birthday this weekend too so im spread thin. They only reason why I am agreeing and giving him money to get SD is because it's fathers day weekend and that is it. If it were any other weekend I would say tough shit! And can you believe BM is still playing games ... even after DH is meeting her for SD , he asked BM to meet early because of traffic and because BM is off today . BM replied "well SD is staying at a friends house right now and I'm sure she is still asleep so I'm not sure " DH said , well I need to meet you around 3 so make sure she is ready . BM "I think I can probably do that , I'll pack her stuff for her " it's line omg women go pick up SD and tell her ass to get ready because we need to meet your Dad Jesus Christ ! I wish I could drink because I sure could use one lol.

CastleJJ's picture

It's always all about HCBMs. It doesn't matter that BM's actions force others to alter plans, inconvenience themselves, etc. If it doesn't work for BM, it doesn't work period. This is the annoying thing about dealing with HCBMs - they have no concept of respect for others or human decency.