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Just when I was about to jump for joy

Ashleytenorio17's picture

OF course BM has to come and all the sudden change her mind (big surprise but I called it) so BM made a huge fuss about not wanting SD 11 for Mother's Day ( it so happen to be DH weekend) SD 11 was with us last year for Mother's Day and BM usually flakes out on holidays even though she has full custody . She even threatened DH by saying he wouldn't see SD for a whole month if she didn't keep his weekend because they were conveniently going out of town on his weekend which is this weekend. First I knew she was just trying to guilt him because school is not out until the end of may . So why go out of tower for a whole week before school lets out. No I knew this was BM just being a b. So we just happened to all get sick with a nasty cold Mother's Day Weekd so BM had to keep SD. So it's been so nice not seeing step brat ( if you read my blogs you know why she is a step brat) so this weekend DH didn't think he would have SD because her and BM were suppose to go out of town right ? DH made plans for a job on Friday evening and I was about to jump for joy at another weekend with out brat SD. Well well well here comes BM saying no all the sudden they aren't going out of town and DH is gonna have to cancel his little job ( side job for extra money) I'm like why the hell are we living our lives around what BM says and her moods? Seriously wtf. 

Comments

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

Exactly but you know the BM will lose her shit and block him and withhold the children....thats how they play it usually

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I think he would but he didn't have her on Mother's Day weekend which was his weekend. It's a Shit show for sure 

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

I was in your shoes for years....There is nothing you can do if your partner wants to do everything at her whim! If she doesnt care about the holiday schedules and visitation orders, then its up to your husband to enforce it.

Withholding the children is not allowed because one wants to follow the court ordered schedule. If she does, you can send her a cease and desist letter through certified mail and if she doesnt have the kids ready at the next possession schedule, it will be document for a motion to enforce visitation 

You will never catch a break if your husband wants to be her puppy and pick them up at her convenience. Its not even good for the kids anyway because they need to be on a schedule and transition between homes as regularly as possible not whenever its convenient or when they feel like it

You have to get it through his head to follow the court ordered schedule and if he doesnt like it, he can go to court to modify the current possession order with legal mediation. 

I feel bad for you because I used to be in your shoes. We would get a call on the day of at 4pm requesting to pick up the kids immediately for a set amount of time/days based on her real estate exam schedule or her going out of town lol....sometimes my husband had to say no due to other plans/work duties and she would get pissed and block him and withhold the children....Not anymore now that we follow the schedule and when she complains about weekends outside of the schedule, we send her a screenshot of the calendar for the month highlighting the days she has them....In her opinion, that makes my husband a deadbeat "because he should be seeing them more" yet he was also a deadbeat before when she withheld them from him for a whole year because he told her to stop giving his other daughter alcohol underage lol

 

Life is weird with these parents, i am telling you

 

Hope you arent baby sitting for him at least

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Everything you said!! It's super fustrating also because we have 2 children togehter which I know BM hates. He told BM he would get her Saturday because he already made plans Friday. 

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

Well unless him and his coparent decide to follow the court ordered schedule, just be ready for long years of being BMs personal baby sitter at her convenience

 

It sucks for the kids and for your budget not to mention if you have jobs that arent flexible

tog redux's picture

Yes, why does your DH agree to be her bitch? Let her keep SD for a month - it won't kill him not to see her for a month, and it might give BM the message that she's not in charge.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Oh we fight about this all the time every time BM pulls these stunts! He just told BM he would get SD Saturday because he madE plans for Friday . I'm sure she will call him a horrible dad for it. Atleast that's one less day for me!? Lol 

missgingersnap2021's picture

Really people? DH Will be fine if he doesn't see his daughter for a whole month? You jump on my blogs all the time when I get upset that my DH has to tallk/text with his daughter a min of 3 (and up to 6 times) a day.  You say it's good a normal for parents to see and be in touch with their kids all the time! I don't think your husband not seeing his daughter for a month is the answer to the situation. I do think sticking to a schedule is.
 

I know if DH ever missed even one single visitation day BM would make damn well sure he did another day. 
 

And I get how you feel about your life revolving around BM's wants and needs and moods. I had a really hard weekend because I had a lot of thoughts going on in my head. a lot of them having to do with how DH is, but at the epicenter to was the reality that my entire life revolves around first BM then SD and then DH and then lastly I get a say. If I get a say at all. 

shellpell's picture

OP's DH is the NCP (who can refuse to take visitation), while I assume your DH has joint custody? OP's BM is unstable and HC, while I assume yours isn't? The situations are completely different.

And you think sticking to a schedule is important? You are always complaining about how stringently your SD and DH stick to a schedule. Confusing.

OP has an issue with BM, which should be addressed by her DH. You have an issue with DH, which should be addressed by YOU.

missgingersnap2021's picture

Ok first of all my DH does not have split custody. He is a NCP. I have always thought that them sticking to the visitation schedule is better than not and have said so many times! ( I have been honest that I do hate the rigidity of it now that she's older though. I mean she's driving now. There could be some flexibility of when she shows up or leaves. Plus she should care about hanging with friends than daddy but whatever) and to say OP has an issue with BM and DH should handle it by what? Not seeing his child for a month???  THAT's confusing to me!!! 

Tried out's picture

The flexibility you seek in SD's visitation schedule could mean not fewer hours at her dad's, but more. "Hey, I know I don't normally come until tomorrow but I have a project to work on that's due on Thursday and it will be easier to do it all in one place  rather than starting it at mom's and finishing it here."

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Hey I get what you are saying I really do. But it was never ok for BM to abandon SD ( who she has full custody of ) for 7 months well BM went to "settle" in a new city. She left SD at her mother's house and we picked up most of the slack. BM is always a no show for holidays especially Christmas unless we force her to take SD back ( SD is normally is tears because she is not with BM) so for BM to throw it in DH and guilt trip him about not seeing SD for a month is crazy and hypocritical of BM. Also BM would be deliberately going out of town on DH weekend. But I knew this was all a threat because well well well BM is not going out of town now. So DH will be getting SD today since his job cancelled due to the weather . Also there has been a month when SD didn't come because she didn't want to which is a whole other issue. I don't want to start drama but I can see what you are saying but I'm dealing with a BM who is a parent at her convenience.

bananaseedo's picture

"I don't think your husband not seeing his daughter for a month is the answer to the situation. I do think sticking to a schedule is."

Holy mother of funnies right there.  LMAO

missgingersnap2021's picture

Again how is this funny??? Punishing the child is the answer to you? Using her as a pawn? Or worse like a work shift now body wants??? I get OP's frustration but why should DH not see his own child for a month??? Who does benefit? Definitely not DH or SD

Tried out's picture

But this situation is different. In this case, the BM demands that OP's husband take her kid whenever she wants and if he balks she threatens him with not letting him see her.

Imagine it's not an SD weekend and you have plans to do something fun with your DH. The phone rings as you are getting ready for whatever and BM is demanding that you give up your plans and have SD for the weekend because BM just got a fun invitation. If you don't acquiesce DH won't see his daughter for a month. 

You'd be okay with that? 

missgingersnap2021's picture

Well when we were dating BM basically made DH (then just a boyfriend) keep SD for a month (I dont feel like going into why) but anyways I know she could pull crap like that at any moment and I know DH well enough to know that yes he would do whatever it took to see his daughter. Ironically we had a long talk this weekend and this was part of our conversation. 

bananaseedo's picture

It's funny that you don't get the irony in that post given your usual complaint of schedule ridgidity.   Just funny.