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Holidays with disengaged MIL, SIL

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Happy Friday first of all !!!! I will be SD free this weekend even tho it's her weekend to come . So another holiday season is around the corner on steplife , to some this is a joyous event but for me it never ever has been. Right now it really is not something I look forward to on In law side. Of course my sister has already told us she is hosting thanksgiving lunch ( my family actually plans things in advance) so we will be going over there thanksgiving afternoon and usually we go to MIL house in the evening for their version of thanksgiving dinner and stay pretty late ... this year however, since there is a rift between MIL , SIL and I I have no desire to go over and I do not want DH to take the children over. We still have not resolved the issue between MiL and I and they have continued to call me a "hater" even though I have not done a single thing to them. Last weekend MiL invited DH over to her house for BBQ and DH asked " are you asking me to come alone?" To which MIL replied "well what can I do" so this was a hard as no for me . Why would I go somewhere I am not welcome ? DH told me that MIL was "over it" and I told him "well that's great but I am not because I never once did anything to them and I never said they were not welcome in our home ". So now I'm faced with if I should let DH take the kids to see her on thanksgiving assuming he goes which I'm sure he will . MIL babysat the kids on Wednesday which I did not want but I had to work and DH had a job that lasted the whole day.... so I just don't know how to handle thanksgiving 


Survivingstephell's picture

I went no contact with my in-laws for few years.  Best thing ever and I highly recommend it for situations like this.  For one thing you will no longer be the punching bag or buffer for DH will have to deal with the gravity of the situation.  Let that family wallow in the mud of their own making.  

AgedOut's picture

I'm sure the kids will be tired from all the earlier activity. he can pop over for a bit and you can snuggle up with the kiddos. 

Rags's picture

By definition, "family holiday" is a holiday for a family.  Since MIL does not include  you, she is not family. That means your kids are not going to MILs. Neither should your DH since HIS family is him, you, and your kids (yours, mine, or ours).  If he does not have the testicular fortitude to put his toxic mother in her place and keep her there, his mother is not family.  


Keep is stupid simple.

That is the only way to drive clarity for dipshits like your MIL.

IMHO of course.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I agree with you. He has not mentioned anything about thanksgiving but I sure did make my plans known. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Also I just found out that I guess SD is coming over and MIL asked to pick HER up specially and take her with them to the beach tomorrow... no mention of her other grandchildren! Even if I wouldn't let her take them that's pretty messed up! I told DH well MIL has 4 grandkids and Not just one !!!!!! Lord please give me the strength to not go off on her ass 

Rags's picture

when Gramma shows up, she can explain to them why she isn't taking them to the beach with her and hteir elder half sib.

Not actually of course, but it is fun to think of putting the MIL on the spot.


IMHO it is time to take the gloves off and bare MIL ass each and every time she pulls this kind of toxic shit.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Well guess what happened!??! SD didn't wanna spend time with dear MIL whom just a few months ago she was allllllll the sudden close with because of her birthday and of course the need to bash me to MIL now that that is done there's no need for SD to spend time with her . Sd was texting DH saying. "Do I have to go with MiL ??" DH said "yes because I will be busy all day long with photos jobs " so SD refused to come and stayed with BM lmao I wonder if DH told MIL that SD did not wanna spend time with her , prob not but I wish he did. Sooo MIL did not show up at all but I'm not sure she went because it was chilly Saturday. 

dragonfly878's picture

If he goes without you- he's undermining you IMO. You two need to be a United front against anyone's nonsense... otherwise it just allows them to treat you poorly.