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Holiday dramas aren’t over yet!!!!

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I thought with Christmas being over finally (so sad I can barely enjoy it now) that would be the end of SDs continued antics to drive a wedge between me and DH, SIL and MIL.. no no there's always NYE! I literally HATE the holidays this year because so how we have SD the weekend before Christmas then SD rushed off to SIL house Tuesday ( DH dropped Her off because she didn't wanna be here and wanted to be with SIL ) . SD then sent that lovely text to DH on Thursday I think basically blaming me and attacking me for not having a relationship with her and how it's not fair that DH has a relationship with BS11. To recap from my last post DH told her I can't have a relationship with her if she is never wanting to be here and said she will come every weekend she is suppose To from now on and no more

skipping out!!! So SD spends x mas eve at SIL house , DH goes for a few hours and I do not. BM comes into town Friday and doesn't get SD until late Christmas night . So for the record BM has not had SD since December 16th until she goes back last December 25th. BM today is already texting DH to asking if they can meet halfway tomorrow ( BM lives 3 hours away) I'm like really Lady I need a break Jesus ! She has no kids and had a nice little vacation ! I am trying to work from home with 4 kids here ! I didn't like that Dh would get her for NYE weekend but technically it's his weekend and he promised next year this crap would not happen again . So BM also says that SD wants to go to SIL house when she gets here ( ok so again using DH as her Uber to SIL house who lives an hour from us!!!!!) DH says no that if SD is coming here she is staying here until he decides to take her to SIL house Saturday or not.! Ok I get DH tried to be firm but this still pisses me off ! I know SD just wants to go with SIL because she thinks we have no plans and she wants to go where ever the "fun" is. BM was asking DH on MoNday what his plans were for NYE ( SD was fishing ) and DH said no plans as of yet. So yet again SD went behind DH back to find out what SIL was doing . I told him again this is the problem I have with her ... she makes SIL and MIL feel sorry for her yet she never wants to be here on any holiday and that needs to stop if she doesn't want to be here then she stays with BM no special trip to SIL when the other kiddos , you know her siblings are here! And why is she bitching about me whe. She continues to not wanna be here !!!! God I am really

over the girl and I just want the holidays completely

over with . I planned a small dinner and firework for NYE for us here at the house , we have a DD who is 5 months so we planned on staying home , sorry if that is not good enough for SD 13


CastleJJ's picture

Why is this all so complicated and why is a child dictating all of this? SD either comes on her scheduled weekends and stays with you all for the ENTIRE time, sticking to whatever plans you make, or she doesn't and stays with BM. If SD only wants to use DH as an Uber to other family member's houses and has no intention of actually visiting with DH, then she can stay with BM and BM/SIL/MIL can figure out how to get SD to her "plans." Unfortunately, DH started this nightmare by letting SD decide if she was coming or not. He needs to take back control and stop appeasing the wants and wishes of a child. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

That's what I am saying ! I told him no driving SD to SIL house anymore! If SD wants to go SIL needs to get her from our house and bring out back or SD can stay with BM if she doesn't wanna be here. It's getting out of hand and I'm sick of it! DH said he would also have a talk with his sister about this 

AgedOut's picture

my own thought is that no matter what you do she will alwys complain. it's how she gets her way. attack SM and Dad will give me what I want. 

dragonfly878's picture

Your DH needs to speak with SIL and MIL and promptly put them back in their place. They are not the parents. They are making it more difficult for him to parent (he allows it). Enough is enough she's with you and that's that. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Well! DH said no they are meeting Friday and NOT Thursday. He found out BM was off Friday so I bet she was trying to get her NYE plans started early . He told BM that SD will not be going to SIL house or that he will NOT be doing the driving to SIL. He said he would speak with SIL about the whole planning thing . I have to hope he actually does . I am really just not in the mood to have SD or over , I have had enough and I'm trying to get over this horrible cold . I'm still standing firm on my disengaging from her , I don't really give a hoot what she TEXTS to DH . If she didn't say it to mE personally then I never knew about it

Yesterdays's picture

I would arrange so SD comes to your house. Give her NO details about plans. When SD arrives and "tells" you what plans she had made you just say firmly NO. We are staying here and do X. She will throw a tantrum. And maybe but probably not, realize life doesn't revolve around her.

He desperately needs to talk to his sister, she is enabling the problem. He needs to tell her exactly what is going on and what he doesn't like about the situation. Then... When SD contacts her she needs to remain neutral and not tell her what she has going on but divert SD to "check with dad" and to not make any plans with SD without discussing it with your husband. 

What SD needs is to be told no a few times. To not get her way. Who's the adult here? She needs to know she's not in charge... She won't like it but that will be bio moms problem. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yup SD really thinks the world revolves around her , it's really clear to me on that point. I'm starting to get through to DH just how bad SD likes to be singled out yet has MIL and SIL thinking poor SD is left out . It's insanity 

Yesterdays's picture

If SD comes over it should all be on your terms. You are dealing with a lot, with the other children in the household. There's no reason she should be in charge and making all of the decisions when it impacts you all. It makes it seem like she is the head of the house. I can see how it is causing major problems.

Your DH is part of the problem. He needs to know you're the head of the house and not his child. Tell him exactly that. Tell him you and him will decide things about your life and not SD, BM or Sil. Ask him who he's married to. Assert your dominance and your role. Tell him you don't want to be on the backburner. You want to enjoy family life and make plans that are not disrupted by a child's tactics.

That it's the adults that make the decisions from now on...!!! SD is not an adult. She shouldn't be in this role. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yup I mean I dominate house as far as my kids and plans. DH said no to SD coming today like she wanted, no to going to SIL house . I told him these are our plans for NYE, this is what I am doing and nothing came up about SD going anywhere and I don't think she will now that DH knows the plans . I'm sure like you said SD will put on her "sad face" and not wanna be here but all she is doing is proving my point 

Yesterdays's picture

Yep and the sad faces mean diddly squat. It's all just a ruse to try to get her way.