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Hide and seek .. attention game

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Does anyone know the term for this? Like I know about love bombing and gas lighting but there has to be a word for this game my SD likes to play. I really want to know if anyone else has experienced it and how to handle because it's starting to get annoying! So SD10 finally stopped with the clingy on daddee thing, I mean she is still a like annoying with it but it was calmed down! Since moving SD 10 in with DD 6 months it has gotten a little better with her trying to take over others space and hiding BS8 belongings. 
 

Now SD has come up with other annoying AF game she likes to play and that's hide in the corner or purposely isolate herself to seek attention! Before she always wanted to be around DH and the kids and her thibg was she wanted to be "included" so now she is doing the opposite and it working on DH. He feels guilty she is "alone" or in her room being "sad" she he constantly feels the need to check on her or baby talk her. I disengaged so I don't say anything but I'm like wtf is this? Recently even my MIL called out SD on it because SD always purposely isolates herself at MIL house. SD was pulling this crap and MiL goes "SD come over here because  you always say we don't talk to you but you purposely isolate yourself, why?" I was like yes thank you !!! 
 

anyone else going through this?

Comments

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yup I think you hit it right on! This girl is always doing these games or contradicting herself. She wants the be included yet  isolates herself. Prides herself on being independent yet counts on daddee to make her breakfast and stuff. It's too much 

Aniki's picture

This is definitely a new tactic for getting Daddeeeeeee's attention. As long as Daddee continues to play the Hide & Seek game with her, she'll keep doing it. 

Now, if Daddee thought she was hiding out because she WANTED alone time - and he STOPPED looking for her - this game would stop.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yes I was gonna tell her to just leave her alone and maybe she wants alone time. I think my BS8 not being there just brought it out more because she didn't have someone to play with. But I remembered she did it the weekend before that when she was always closing the door tocthe room we shared with DD 6 months . Should I tell him something if I'm trying to disengage 

SeeYouNever's picture

File this all under attention-seeking behavior. What she's doing is trying to get your husband to chase her. My  thSD doesis and so does BM. They do it physically, over text messages, and emotionally by stonewalling. In every way it is making DH work harder and focus his attention on her. 

ITB2012's picture

It's called SULKING.

And for weak-willed disney parent-friends, it works perfectly to both get attention, maintain the attention, and keep the parent-friend away from others.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Was it was annoying because we were trying to watch a movie in the living room and he got up I dunno how many times the chek on her becaise she was in her room. I was like omg really! My BS8 spends some time in his room because he reads or whatever in there and I know he wants to be left alone so I leave him alone and he comes out on his own 

Aniki's picture

IMO, you can do one of two things.

1) "DH, maybe SD wants alone time."

2) Turn off the tv and go do something else while he plays H&S with his speshul snowfwake.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

The silent "Ask me what's wrong!", said with a sad face. The only way to stop problem behaviors like this is to stop feeding them. DH has to be strong enough or functional enough to see that and take action to stop it. This includes ignoring the bad behaviors and giving attention and praise to good behaviors (fulfilling her responsibilities, listening, etc.) I don't know how to convince people to be strong or functional, though. If i did i probably wouldn't be here lol. 

Thisisnotus's picture

Omg these kids!! I can’t stand it.

just in the last couple of weeks SD12 has been doing a similar thing.....she sits quietly under neath the dining room table......did I mention she is in the 6th grade? Usually she is on DHs lap or following him around the house talking non stop so this is new.

thank god it does not affect DH and I think he’s actually quite relieved that she gets the hell away from him every now and then and hides under the table.......

I completely ignore her......she’s looking for attention and not getting it so I find satisfaction in that.

Thisisnotus's picture

I have no clue. She’s under there laying on the ground in her phone.  She’s probably a kid who needs some therapy. There is along going on there but I’m the ONLY one to think her behavior is odd. So....

Simpleton21's picture

I'm pretty sure therapy won't help.  My SD has been in therapy since she was like 6-7 (basically when DH and I got together) but with a crazy BM invovled in the therapy she hasn't progressed at all.  

Simpleton21's picture

WTF!?!? Under the dining room table...at 12!?!? Sitting in his lap at 12?!?! The lap thing to me is worse.  I couldn't imagine my son that just turned 13 still trying to sit in my lap.  My SD was still trying to do this a few years ago and then tried to seductively kiss DH on the cheek and he flipped out.  Told her to knock that off b/c it wasn't appropriate and then talked to BM about how she was being inappropriate also.  

I try to ignore my SD as much as possible.  She has a mix of attention tactics.  Continually talking, doing spins in the living room in front of the tv, using my YDS as a puppet and then as a last resort pouting in her room....usually after being told to behave appropriately *stop*

Thisisnotus's picture

Yeah it’s quire the site. If she isn’t directly sitting on him....usually she just out of nowhere jumps on him....she will either be right next to him with her feet or arms touching him at all times. If he gets up she gets up.....he goes to the bathroom she stands outside of the door.....crazy town!

Simpleton21's picture

Yep, sounds like the crazy town I deal with, always looking for daddy if she loses sight of him for 1 second.  I think even DH finally got exhausted by it and has got on her a few times about it.  It is so highly annoying though.  

Ashleytenorio17's picture

That's crazy!!! My SD does something similar but she will lay on the floor in the living room and crap like that! But I DH gets on her ass about it because we have 3 dogs who shed a ton of hair so he usually tells Her to stop because she gets the dog hair on the couches. But sitting under the table at the age is strange 

Delilah's picture

Instead of getting pi**ed i would have calmly turned off the movie and removed myself from the drama. I would do this EVERY time dh starts fussing towards sd. When he questions your actions, which he will, inform him calmly and neutrally "it didn't seem you were interested in x". I would *eventually* expand on this (you must give this time and choose a moment when he's more receptive) "its causing me anxiety and i am worried about sd what with you unwittingly reforcing her insecurity in our family"

Sd is just using anything in her arsenal to get a reaction, she is testing out her status and priority with dh and he is rewarding her. He wants her to participate in your family, so to encourage this he needs to completely ignore insincere behaviours and reward her when she knocks it off and acts like a normal little girl.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yea at one point I paused the movies and waited for him to come back. He asked " why did you pause it" I said because you kept getting up and it's becoming ridiculous, he stopped doing it after that but he had been doing it all day if we were home. We have her again this weekend so I'll see how it is and if it continues I'll stop in! I had to tell him to make HER make her own cereal because he was about to do it for her! I was like um. I wtf. She wants to brag to BS8 how she can make her own Mac n cheese and try to get daddee to make her cereal! My son gets up on thh ugh w weekends and makes himself breakfast. I pointed that out to DH

Jcksjj's picture

There was this girl I was friends with in late elementary/jr high that reminds me sooo much of SD. One of the things about her that I remember was at my birthday party in like 5th grade maybe, she spent half the evening pouting on the couch because one of my friends said we had a nice house and it made her jealous. I can think of at least one other time where she went off and pouted for attention around that age also. Sounds like your SD too, huh?

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yes it does it's sooooo ridiculous, every time she comes over it's seriously like I don't know how the hell she is gonna act. Is  she gonna act 5 and clingy all over DH or do this new shit. She doesn't ever acknowledge me and I'm really starting to do the same. I did get her some stuff for v day since she will be here and I also get my sons and little candy , I felt like I had to!!! If she didn't get something her something also allllll weekend she would be even worse .