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BM called me and it was not pretty

Ashleytenorio17's picture

After verbally attacking myself and my kids for years and doing it pretty much all week then BM called me so maybe we could have a adult conversation and stop all this crazy drama . Well I guess she thought I was gonna join her on her bashing on DH or something and just say how sorry I felt for her , that did not happen. The conversation started out calm , I told her I did not appreciated her constantly attacking my family. Of course she denied it but I told her I saw all her text and then she apologized for it. Then she went on to say how she gets no help from DH financially again I told her we have proof of everything he sends to the portal and reminded her that it was her that agreed to him paying half of the insurance since he can not add SD to his insurance because he doesn't have a policy at this time so he pays whatever amount BM agreed to because she was complaining about paying for medical and dental stuff. She didn't get satisfied with that she then she went on to say that she the one who bought her own home ( last month ) and works and how she is a hood role model for her daughter . I told her that was good for her that she finally got off her ass after spending 20 years not working at all and living off other people . That is what a single mother should do, and did she want some type of award because I have been doing for me and my family since I had my son 11 years ago! She is not the first single mother to actually , work and be a mother ? Lol then she moved on she say to continue her bashing of DH and complain that he doesn't get her more , again I reminded her that she is the one that moved 3 hours away and also she is the one and SD saying that SD hates being here with us and doesn't want to come , and recently when SD was forced to come SD left with out DH permission while I was watching her . Evev after hearing SD doesn't want to come because she " is not feeling it" DH would still ask for her until recently he didn't this past weekend . I asked her if they expect him to beg and grovel for SD? Also I reminder yet again that she told him just the other day how SD would not be coming to see use anymore and blah blah. I told her you JUsT like SD need to understand that your hurtful words have consequences but I understand now why SD is the way she is. She cusses out my son, she says horrible things about our family to anyone who will have pitty in her , why? Because like BM she knows or things she can say whatever she wants and no consequences will come from it, she can go around hurting peoples feeling then literslly talk to you the next day as if nothing happened. I told her that type of toxicity does not go around in My house , she can run her home how ever she wants . But here we respect each other and hold a standard on ourselves. Then finally she wanted to know why I don't STEP up as a step mother and push DH more to get SD and why I don't take care of SD when DH has to work . Most of the time I do take care of SD when DH had to work until recently when I said why should I have to? Sd is given the option to either go with him or stay with BM but BM wants me to take her. I told her because it was not my responsibility to do that and SD is here to see DH . She didn't like that and told me "well FK you then!!!!!!!l"  I told BM that in the past i would do alot for SD but after getting the silent treatment and looked at as a stranger I stopped , again not accountability was put on SD , only that I should do more . so that was that , I didn't need to cuss at her or anything , I let her bring the trashy ness out. The  SD text DH and says if she is coming this weekend she does not want to stay at our house .. well sorry SD again that is not on you to make and again this situation was partly caused by you . And if you want DH to get you but NOT stay in our home because BM can't get over herself then maybe you should just not come ??? She has not reason to feel anything about me I was not the one cussing or anything. Yet again I will be blamed for this.... fun times 


Rumplestiltskin's picture

You can't win in this situation. If i were you i would block BM, SD, and your DH's whole family if they are going to get in the middle of things and shite on you. 

Winterglow's picture

Now block that woman's number and forget she exists. Let her talk to your DH, she is not your problem.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Block, block, block

I'm going to mangle this saying but - Don't fight with pigs, you'll both get dirty but the pig will enjoy it.

Please don't take this as criticism.  It is easy for us to shout advice from the peanut gallery.

Livingoutloud's picture

Why are you even talking to her? Your DH had a baby with her. Not you. You are fighting your DH's battles. Don't. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yea I thought about it but I just wanted to give the facts as someone stated. Then I blocked her 

ESMOD's picture

You could not have expected the conversation to go any way but the way it went.  No one is going to sit there and have you list the things they are doing wrong... honestly.. all this did was give her even more fire in her hole to ramp up against both of you.

Sure.. you "had your say".. but proving what?  you did not change her mind.. she doesn't agree with you.. she is now seeing  you as a lying enemy.. (not saying you are lying.. her POV)..

This is a case where we end up shooting ourselves in the foot with these HC exes.. 

I know you can't go back and undo the conversation.. but going forward.. I don't care if she calls you.. she deals with her EX.. because he is the father of their joint kids.. that's it. 

Unless you are prepared to accept joint blame for the drama.. and not call her out? no point and no benefit to the conversation.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Lol trust me I would do it again and there is nothing I regret and she can use whatever she wants . I was not the one listing anything, she vented it all and I was listening and providing facts against her claims. If she doesn't believe it I really don't care but I just wanted to speak the facts . We accept no blame for the drama because we didn't start it but i guess.... and yes I actually expected a mature conversation because we are both not 10 and it started ok then went south when I mentioned the facts about CS. I proved to her that I won't be allowing or accepting her trashing my kids and she has vanished since so I'm glad I did it . And if it gives her more fire for whatever Bs she wants to throw our way so be it she will be throwing it at the wall because she is blocked on all fronts and now she will have to use a app to communicate so I guess she learned a little lesson there . 

Yesterdays's picture

But who are you going to be blamed by? Bio mom? Her opinion doesn't matter... I would totally block her, don't give her the satisfaction of annoying you. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yea now sD is saying she doesn't want to even come in our home because of the "situation " which he had a hand in causing . I'm not sure what situation she is talking about really because it was her mother who started attacking us and cussed me out but again thst is not her choice to make . But I can see the comments not from the family ... oh well . 

Thumper's picture

Please,  just block her number. 

You are not legally obligated, or court ordered, to have her telephone number in your phone, OR to take her calls OR read her texts OR emails. Why do people NOT get that?

Nor are you morally obligated to have her telephone number in your phone, OR answer her calls OR read her texts OR emails. 

Often times bm's say, BUT, what if there is an emergency?--trust me, the police know how to track you down.

BLOCK HER and do not look back.

What is stopping you from having NO contact with her? That includes blocking her from ALL of your private devises


AgedOut's picture

That should be the last call you take from BM. Block her and keep her nasty out of your ears and home. SD needs to have a come to Jesus w/ her Dad and be given standards and rules for her time in your home. She should not be steering the boat, she is a child and it is not her place to be the rule maker. She should have a closet and dresser in your home that are 'hers' and hers alone. She should be included because she is a part of your family but she needs to know she is not the only person in the family. Dad needs to step it up w/ his Daddy/her time. Not the whole time w/ him and her alone but he has to make time for them to be just him and her. It's not too late, but it has to come from her Dad. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yea I blocked her and said I'm done DH totally done and I will not be blamed for not " stepping up " as stepmom. From now on it's alll on you . He is going to have a come to Jesus talk with her sometime today 

ndc's picture

I agree with most of that, but why should SD have a closet and a dresser in Ashley's home that are for SD and SD alone?  Lots of kids share rooms, closets and dressers. Not every family has or can afford the space for a child (especially one who visits sporadically) to have her own closet and dresser.  If I had to give each of my SDs her own closet and dresser, my own DD would have neither a closet nor a dresser,  and she's in the home full time. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yes there's no spare closet. We actually lost a lot of storage closets when we moved even tho the house is bigger . There's only one hall closet . She can share the other side of the closet with DD3, it's completely empty 

justmakingthebest's picture

Hey, you got to say your peace. I'm sure it felt good on some level to tell her the facts. You didn't lower yourself to her level and you didn't play into her games, of course she hates you.

You can't win with her or logic with either one of them. Block and move on. The best revenge is a life well lived. So live your best life. If SD wants to quit coming over, so be it. Tell DH that you won't participate in the fight any longer. The door is open to her but you have no intentions of continuing in the drama of it all. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

All correct.! It felt damn good! lol she really thought she deserved something that's for sure but she got nothing from me. Blocked her out 

floralsm's picture

I'm glad you blocked her now and if it was important to you that you said your peace. Now she's blocked you can close that door on her and give yourself some peace in that respect. 
I do think if toxic BM ever got hold of my number and I saw her trying to call my phone I would contemplate burning it lol. It's the thing of nightmares her ever trying to reach out to me on a personal level.