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Another lie upon lies from SD

Ashleytenorio17's picture

And I'm done ! Like absolutely DONE with SD13! She started a whole bunch of drama about 2 months ago , she brought crazy drama to our house and I told DH if she ever did that again she really would not be welcome here. SD has already lied to BM , MIL and SIL painting a picture like she is the victim and "not welcome " in our home . I had a talk with her telling her the opposite after that drama died down. I had a real heart to heart with her and tried to be there for her more . And I got burned again!!!!!! Sd didn't come for her weekend Of course because BM planned a vacation. Whatever ! So today while we were going to the pool for family time DH gets a call from BMs dad . DH answers it and the dad just starts in on him and asks why he is not paying the CS on time and blah blah blah! Of course DH was completely caught of guard. First of all not his business, second DH paid it last month and has maybe a small balance . Then the dad goes on to text DH and tell him out horrible SD is treated at our home and that SD is being abused at our home because we "make her babysit" and all this crap!!!! I'm like wtf?!??! We never ever ask her to baby sit but while she is here DH does ask her "hey SD can you play with your sister so I ca. make coffee" or something small like that to help out ! We ask the same of my son who is 12! I guess SD has been complaining and saying that's why she doesn't like to come over ! Ohh well I'm sorry you are a sister and yea you do have to acknowledge your siblings ! Just wow !!! I really do not want SD here anymore because this is the second time she has lied about things that go one in our home! DH failed to address these lies before and I'm not having this crap ! I mean really !!!$! I am just so upset 


CastleJJ's picture

If SD13 is going to continue to lie and wreak havoc on your home, you can prove her right and she won't be welcome. Your DH can exercise his visitation elsewhere if she's going to act that way. Or even better, she can just stay with DH and BM's messed up extended families and stop visits all together. Let the toxic enmeshment occur without you all. 

Yesterdays's picture

I would have hung up on bio moms dad. But then again I wouldn't have probably answered to begin with. It seems like alienation from them 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Same ... I told DH for Some reason BM family

thinks It ok to cross that line because DH never established boundaries with them. My mom doesn't ever call or text my ex for anything and same with my old MIL and I was actually married to my ex. 

ntm's picture

She didn't bring this baby into the world, it's not her job to watch her. My cousin won't let anyone call her brother her half-brother - he's her brother. But not everyone has as big a heart as she does. It's not a hill to die on, just stop making her responsible, she's probably jealous that baby is with Dad 100%. 

When I finally had it with SD crap after 12 years (she was 17-1/2) I firmly told DH that he could still exercise his visitation rights, it just couldn't be in my home. He could do it at his parents, his sisters, a restaurant, I didn't care - but my home is my sanctuary and I'm not going to be treated like dirt here. And a lot of it was him - how he non-parented and then sided with her. Nope, done. He just stopped exercising his visitation altogether. Interesting. Didn't have a woman to do the parenting (relatives would have expected him to be the parent, not them), so he stopped doing visitation at all. Wish I'd laid down that law years before. It was so toxic here. 

NieMojCyrk's picture

Lesson learnt and never again answer any phone calls/text messages from ex in-laws.

If they keep calling/texting, just simply text back that you don't want them to contact you in any form or you'd make harassing report with the police. 
Please don't explain yourselves to anyone. Your stepdaughter will have to suck it up having chores while in your house. Your husband needs to grow balls. 
You actually have a husband problem, but you probably already know that. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yea it took him back because he has never ever had a problem with him before , they also don't talk like that so he answered because DH was like "I wonder what he wants " but not at all expecting what happened next. He blocked him now and I told him that he should prob treat the other members of the family the same since they all seem to think our house is the worst. They are even ex in laws since BM and DH were never married but they really act like she was ... ohhh yes I know my DH is part of the problem big time . 

Rags's picture

That is the exact message that DH needs to give BM's polluted gene pool sire.

Reminding Grampa Turd Genes Daddy that his daughter is a POS and he gets no say in how DH's children are raised.

Now for DH, if he wants to maintain the high ground in all of this, he needs to pay his CS in full and on time every month.  PERIOD DOT!  Not a penny more, but never a penny less, and never late.  If DH is paying BM directly, he needs to engage the Child Support Enforcement office and have his CS paid directly to that office and then they forward the CS to BM. That way, WombGrandPa can be told that CS is paid monthly to the CSE office and BM call them for her money as WombGrandPa is not a party to the case and gets no opinion.

Even better would be if DH requested direct payroll withholding for his  CS obligation. That ends any discussion of CS payment. From BM or her over stepping toxic daddy.

All IMHO of course.

AgedOut's picture

my advice? 

1. get the cs balance to 0, keep it at 0. 

2. block exes-Dad, block exes-mom, block her sister, her brother, her third cousin twice removed on her dad's side. blockity block block their numbers. 

3. all visitation is now taken elsewhere. SD's lies are escalating and now that it's affecting your home... she cannot be there. 

4. stop replying, stop texting, stop answering to SD's maternal family. unless it is important, let it go to text, voice mail, email. especially from SD's mom or SD herself. 


Ashleytenorio17's picture

I agree with it all! I know DH will take offense if I tell him that SD can not come into our home anymore though but what you are saying is true. Her lies are polluting our home and they are being spread to others . DH needs to handle it now and he is not doing that at all. 

Winterglow's picture

The way I see it is that her presence in your home is putting you in danger. Her lies have been fairly ordinary so far but it's a question of time before she escalates. Add to that the MIL and SIL that you have and imagine them playing "Chinese whispers" with SD's accusations. Then it's only a matter of time before someone at school gets wind of it and before you know it you have a CPS investigation on your back and they could take away your children while the investigation is ongoing...

Time to Gibbs-slap your husband and tell him that you are not risking your kids just so he can have his liar in your home.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

All true !!! If BM or her family really wanted to they could make a report to CPS I mean I could totally see them doing that. I do not feel safe with SD in our home at all and DH needs to address it!!! I'm going to make a mention of this today . Because the absolutely can not continue! 

AgedOut's picture

Her lies could end up haivng your home destroyed. Tell him "I'm sorry she brought us to this point but I will not take any chance of losing my family because she chose to lie about us. I have to protect our family, I'm asking you to see her elsewhere. And I think you should only see her in a setting where there are plenty of witnesses. I love you too much to lose you to a lie she tells the next time she wants extra attention from BM and her family" 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yea I mean look what her other lies have done, turned DH family against me, now I have random people thinking I just leave all my kids with SD like wtf. I absolutely think she lies to be the victim. Meanwhile she gets paid vacations ... just really messed up! I well tell him exactly what you said

Yesterdays's picture

She has them all swooning over her. Also it's crazy they would believe her lies over that of an adult. So they absolutely believe what she says when she comes crying rather than thinking of that it's coming from a kid.. And then call to blast the parent. Obviously they're not giving your household the benefit of the doubt.. They're just jumping to conclusions left and right.

I agree with the others..  Time to protect yourself and your family from these accusations being flung.

Also crazy.. Yes doesn't it seem like SD is being rewarded by family nonstop, whilst garnishing sympathy for being  the "poor victim". She's learning how to manipulate people and so far it's been working. Doesn't mean you have to be a punching bag and put up with the lies and manipulative actions. 

Rags's picture

No but. Just "worrisome and disgusting".

Disgusting sums her up accurately. "But" is an equivocating prefix to the reality of what and who she is, and what and who her mother is.

thinkthrice's picture

Believe what the skids say over the adult.   Until the skid cries wolf too many times.  The Girhippo believed a 6 yr old YSS when he constantly lied for attention. 

dragonfly878's picture

You are living my biggest fear- all it takes is one lie to the wrong person and CPS is breaking up your family. She lies to her family they could easily call as it is. Do NOT let her into your house.

He can have visitation elsewhere and I would have DH tell her plainly, "due the lies you have spread about this household you are no longer allowed to be here as it is not safe. That will not change unless you apologize. Short of that the ball is in your court to reach out to me when you'd like to connect outside of the home. I will not spend my energy chasing someone who does not want to be caught." 

fucking done

Ashleytenorio17's picture

This is my biggest fear and I will not have it . This very thing happened to my girlfriend, it was her bio son who was lying about her to her ex to gain sympathy. She had a case against her and is still going through it. What's even more shocking is that DH doesn't think it's a big deal! I still need to talk to him about this, there just has not been a moment where we are alone but today I'm going to say something to him because like you said I am soooo down with her . I know that DH will take offense when I tell him I don't want her here but I mean she has done this to herself . 

Yesterdays's picture

He may take offense but the thing is there are some serious issues going on that he's not really addressing to protect your family /home life. He needs to do something. There needs to be action. It's uncomfortable but so is what's going on. It needs to stop. He needs to do something  

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I talked with him and he agreed with me. He said he was planning on calling SD today , vacation or not. He said he is going to FaceTime her and screen record the coversation and if BM was near by then good! He is gonna call her out on her lies and let her know that needs to stop. He is also going to let her know that if she doesn't want to be bothered by her siblings then maybe it's best she not come for a awhile especially since she has been lying about the treatment in our home . 

Shieldmaiden's picture

Wow! SD is quite a brat. Her grandpa is too. I would cut them both off - ban them from the house. After all, in her family's eyes you are already the devil, so why not cut that little b**** out of your life until she can fly right? 

I feel bad for her father, but unless he has a come to Jesus meeting about her terrible behavior, then it will continue. He has to have steep consequences for her lies. Maybe if he enforces the rules better, she will not even want to come to his house anymore. She will want to live with BM, who coddles her. That is what happened with my SD. Now she is 21 and still banned from our home. Until she grows up a little, she can just f*** off, as she has told me to do many times before. LOL.

ESMOD's picture

I agree with the blocking of the Exes father.. it's not his place to call your DH on the carpet.... 

But.. it sounds like things were not necessarily outright lies?? perhaps some exagerations?  like the CS.. that maybe is late or a bit short.. but not in any material way.. but BM likely whines to her parents so they will send money her way.. 

And.. SD.. IS asked to watch her siblings.. and that should probably stop.. I don't think a kid with her lack of connection with your smaller kids/baby should be in charge of them.. in any way really.  And.. your home does seem like it isn't very welcoming to her.. but you have other kids.. the world doesn't always revolve around one person.. but with all the littles at your place.. it's probably not a welcoming environment for a 13 yo girl.. and her dad seems to be elsewhere even when she does decide to come.  Dont' get me wrong.. you have outside forces pulling her away.. but the things she said do have a reflection of her feeling of how your home is set up with regards to her.. and the expectation that she "pitch in".. she is there so little .. she probably isn't comfortable or liking that.. and he is her father.. so it' his job to tell her what to do.. but again.. she may have magnified the role for sympathy.. or your DHS EX inlaws are twisting it.. or BM is twisting what SD said?.. it may not be outright lies by SD at all.

and she is 13.. banning a kid for what she has said.. even if she DID say it.. you can't ban his child because you think she is a brat.. it's his child for gosh sakes.

Rags's picture

lying is wrong.

However, it very well may be a BM and WombGrandPa thing. In our case, SpermGrandHag was the root of all evil and she was the bitch from hell in our blended family experience.

It took many years for SS to recognize that the Hag was the root cause of the whole shallow and polluted SpermClan gene pool shit storm.  He was no less a POS than the Hag, but SpermGrandPa was just about totally uninvolved in raising the Spermidiot and uninvolved in raising the two youngest Spermidiot spawn. SGP raised the Spermidiot's younger sister who in comparison, is a sterling citizen. He also played notable favorite to Spermidiot spawn #2 who is the only female GK in the Spermidiot gene pool.  Though #2 is only marginally more viable than her convict younger brother and the multiple arrest record youngest brother.

SS's primary position was that if not for the Hag, no one would have raised or cared for his three young Spermidiot spawned half sibs.  It was not until the three younger sibs were on the dole, in prison, or on their way to prison that SS realized that his POS Spermidiot and his sibs were all raised by and their primary influence was SpermGrandHag.  A sad realization for SS to have, but, he did eventually figure it out and relegate all of them to his past rather than tolerating them as ongoing influences in his life.