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Am I wrong ? Handling overstepping MIL

Ashleytenorio17's picture

My MIL, SIL and I have always had rocky relationship but for the most part it has been okay. They both love to think that DH could do no wrong .... but DH and I got into a argument about a month ago in which DH decided to tell his mom about our issues and they decided to pick DHs side over mine which is whatever... but they have also told DH that they don't want me around and they don't want me to come over to their house (as if I want to) and they are calling me names . DH was dead wrong in our argument just FYI. DH is very passive and doesn't like conflict so he has basically not seen his mom or sister since this whole mess and he has not told him anything they have said ( I saw their conversation in a text) also DH is not putting them in their place as well so this is all just one huge mess. I have decided to just avoid them and their toxicity so this mean MIL and SIL have no been ask to baby sit for us. Also on social media MiL use to always comment and like photos i would post of the kids and since this drama has occurred she stopped which I think is wrong, the kids did nothing to her. Since she has decided to act this way towards us I decided if I'm not welcome at her house my kids are not either .. and with her being toxic and calling me names I for sure do now want her around our children... I'm just not sure this is the right way to handle things, especially since DH is not. A situation has come up in which MIL has asked DH to take his uncle on a tour of down town since he flew in last weeks. DH and MIL both do not work the day she wants him to do it and she asked DH to let her watch the children while he is out with his uncle since it's during the day. I will be working from home but obviously I have a real problem with my kids being with her and I don't know how to handle it... I have already made it clear that me and the children wil not be going to her house during the holidays while she is still holding onto this grudge but I told DH he can go alone . I'll be with my family . Any thoughts ? 

Comments

AgedOut's picture

I think for me it would boil down to this: why would I willingly send my children off to be near people who treat me, their mom, poorly? you don't need a sitter so the kids stay home with you. 

I'm team you. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

My thoughts exactly just wanted to know if I'm doing the right thing . And the kids aren't like asking for them so it's not like im punishing them as well. I would just need a sitter for Wednesday when she wants to watch them because I work that day from home but I can't work and watch the baby ... it would be real hard 

CLove's picture

Your husband needs to fix this, and if hes going to sweep it under the rug and allow you to be the villain, youve every right to keep your kiddos away from enemy lines.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Ok that's what I was thinking. I might just have to either keep the kiddos with me while I work or tell DH to take the baby . He doesn't know that I know the horrible things his family says about me so I gotta bring that up 

Winterglow's picture

What kind of a mommy's boy is your husband? Since when do adults go running to mommy when things get rough. He's an apology for a husband. I would not allow my children to spend time with someone who was so openly hostile to me. You have as much say in the matter as him. 

thinkthrice's picture

Why grown men and women need to run to their relatives to referee? To me it is the height of immaturity to want your relatives to interfere in your spousal situation.  Or even just vent because you know they will be biased. 

It also shows lack of communication skills. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I do vent to my mother because I am very very close with her but she does not interfere with my relationship. She does not bad mouth . She knows I'm there just to vent . She told me it's my choice to be in the situation and she will support what choices I make . MIL does not posess

this level of maturity and neither does DH for allowing his mother to further create a wedge .. I know DH is the issue for a lot of problems, I really think he needs

somw therapy for his passive attitude, I have tried and tried to talk to him about MIL and SD but I'm done with it. 

ndc's picture

Your husband seems to be the common denominator in all of the issues you have, be they with SD or your in-laws. I wouldn't send my kids to be watched by people who badmouth their mother. But why are you allowing your husband to sponge off of you and create conflict in your life?  That's where changes need to be made.