My husband BM hatesssss me...
So this is not news for me it's been about seven years since we began our relationship. I have tried many times to reach out to this girl and at one point things seemed to be okay, but all good things must come to a end
She has since pushed very hard to make our relationship impossible including that of her son and mine
I had my step son since he was less then a year old living with me and recently when she finally kind of had her life together we gave her partial custody of him. Now he lives full time with her and we take him every weekend, summers, and most holidays. Let me just say it has been a hell of a ride the past years but has definitely gotten worse. She literally does the absolute most to go above and beyond to disrespect me and honestly I know I should be the bigger women but it's gotten the best of me lately. Today when we went to bring her my step son after about month she decided that she would do her best at insulting me and I ignored her the best I could but I finally had enough and when my step son went inside to speak with her daughter I asked to speak with her privately because as a human being I have a basic understanding of one thing, in order to gain respect you give it. So long story short I told her that what she did in front of our children was not okay and that if she expects respectful behavior I expected her to do the same in return because after all this co-parenting thing we are trying to do with her should be in the best interest of my step son and if we as adults can not respect each other this arraignment will not work for anyone. So she then had the nerve to smile in my face, sake hear head and laugh as thought what I was saying had no relevance. This female then has the audacity to say the arraignment we have is hers to make and that she can act how she pleases after all her son is not replaceable to my husband but once she's done I will be. :jawdrop: :jawdrop: I cannot believe how women ca nnot even show the tiniest bit of respect or appreciation to the hard working women who step up to the plate when they are unwilling to do so. Believe me I have not once expected a thank you for what I did for my husband or step son because I had a choice to step in or walk away but I cannot wrap my head around the ignorance of certain individuals. I did not have to be his guardian, I did not have to do the things she did not want to do for her own flesh and blood but I did and when we saw that she could possibly parent her son I respected the fact that he was not biologically mine and I stepped aside to allow her to mother her child although it broke my heart to do so. I do not understand this nor do I care to but all I know is that hatred towards one another will not benefit my step son nor will it be beneficial to him. Why can't some people just grow up and put aside their pride?
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Comments
If you're looking for her to
If you're looking for her to show you some gratitude stop holding your breath. It's usually the ones who contribute nothing that are the most thankless. My DH and I are raising my SS4 majority of the time, he's turning into a fine little person for the most part. BM takes him around like a little pony show bragging about how wonderful "her" little baby is and do you know how much of a right I have to say anything? None. ZIP! Nada. I CHOSE to help my DH raise him and it wasn't so BM would ever tell me "thank you" or appreciate my efforts. You need to stop letting this woman manipulate your emotions when it comes to HER kid. Ignore her and smile knowing she hates you because of all that you do for him especially when she didn't bother.
Please don't take this the
Please don't take this the wrong way but you gave BM just what she wanted. She knows she got under your skin.
Take the advice of the above posters, stop doing exchanges or expecting anything from BM. Practice your Mona Lisa smile in the mirror until you can cut off a toe without a change in your serene, smart a*s smile.
I didn't read past the
I didn't read past the beginning where you'd tried to reach out to her.
WHY?
I've been in this for a long time. I've spoken to BM maybe four times, all when I've answered the phone when she's called to speak with skid and our entire exchange consisted of, "Hello?" "Can I talk to skid?" "Sure, I'll get skid" That's it. Nothing more necessary. (Caller ID is lovely...now I just call skid, "Your mom is calling for you!" and skid answers!)
I cannot fathom WHY so many of you WANT to "make nice" with BM. Do you also invite burglars to dinner at your home? No? Then why would you INVITE someone who'll screw you over the first chance they get into your life?
Let your DH handle communication regarding skids.
I never had the desire to be
I never had the desire to be friends with BM. I don't care if she doesn't like me. Now that she has PAS"d all the skids from SO, if she fell off the face of the Earth tomorrow, would I care? NOPE!
I love the fact that BM hates
I love the fact that BM hates me. Lets me know she is thinking about me and that I am pissing her off even when I am not around her. Ahh, what joy it brings me to know that she takes time out of her pathetic life to talk crap about me, call me names, and waste her time dwelling on ME. All the while, I raise her children. I say go ahead BM and worry about me, be jealous of me, spend countless hours coming up with new ways to try and hurt me. I hope I even bother her while she sleeps. Yes BM hating me only means that she is bothered by me (maybe even the thought of me gives her hypertension, one can only hope) and I like the idea that I haunt her!!
It's unrealistic for you to
It's unrealistic for you to think the BM is going to appreciate that you may have in some ways tried to usurp her position with the child. Sure, she may not have been doing a good job but to quote my DH's BM "I am Their MOTHER... they are NONE of your business".
Yeah, ok lady whatevs. If you would do a better job at being a mother and all.
But seriously, I understand that logically, we as the SM want the BM to see how selfless we are in caring for THEIR children. Should they be happy that there are MORE people that care about their kids? Aren't they glad that their EX's new partner doesn't hate the kids? Shouldn't it be some comfort that the kids aren't being abused by an evil SM?
Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way with the BMs for the most part. At first, I tried to have a cordial relationship with the BM but it just couldn't work. So, I have my relationship with the girls but let their father do ALL the interaction with BM. I stay out of it.
And, as heaven said, your DH is the one who should show you gratitude. If you are lucky, the kids may say thanks when they are older and more mature and realize how much it takes to care for another person's child the way you have done.
I have no desire for BM to
I have no desire for BM to like me at all. I don't do anything to purposely make her dislike me....she just hates me. Has from day one, even before she ever met me.
I am TOTALLY ok with that. I don't call her and she doesn't call me. I don't interact with her when we have to be at the same event
and nor do I want to interact with her.
In this case you are expecting respect...I get it... but you won't get it. So withdraw from the equation.
Stop going to drop off's and pick up's. She basically just told you she was trying to get rid of you.
You are a reminder of her failings as a parent. So just stay away from her.
I took no offense to anyone's
I took no offense to anyone's opinion, and I was legal guardian to SS for those who questioned. So pick ups and drop offs where our thing, my husband is very grateful for everything I've done with SS and continue to do which once again is my choice. I understand that and I did not want to make nice with BM I just have no reason to not be nice it's just in my nature. But obviously I'm learning that you can't always be nice with people in a situation like this and I do not do it for her or my husband I do it for SS because after all no matter if he is mine biologically or not he's a child who was given a absent mom and every young child deserves guidance from more then one person parent or not. But what ever like all of you have said he is not my child and I plan on stepping away because obviously no matter if my intentions are pure hers are not and its not worth the drama I have my own biological child to concern myself with. Sad truth, it's unfortunate but what can I do?!?!