Being a widow/widower and Christmas Do the same rules apply as being a divorcee?
I've read some on here some are widowed, as well as myself and I wanted some insight.
My SO and I have been on a breaking point for some time. I'm trying disengament and it still makes me look bad. I skipped out on Christmas with his kids and stayed home getting last minute things around. My BK's went to their aunt's house with my IL's. I went there with them at Thanksgiving. It hurt SO!?!
I got bored here alone after, I got what needed done and told SO "I wish I would have went to SIL's." He got upset and said "you should of came with me"
We have went rounds on how when I go there its like family and when I go with him I get snubbed and BM is there. He gets invited to go with me, but he refuses.
Ive said. ugly things like,"well at least, you know I've never been intimate with anyone at SIL's unlike me at your daughter's house."
Dumb, I know.
My S/Il's even buy him gifts! I could really give a rats ass about gifts. Its the principle! His dd spends a whooping $1.07 on a "to the family" gift from the dollar tree! For three years! Other,steps nothing. I didn't buy for them this year and SO was like"wow, gkids cost a lot. DUH! BK's spent their own money on all his family and got zilch,(for 3 years) it taught them another life isn't fair lesson. BK's and I laughed about it to ourselves.BK's said they were just happy the babes really liked their gifts.
My deceased Hubby's family are happy as long as they know BK's are treated well. I honestly, think they want more of a relationship with my SO. I do go to the same church as them.(FIL was the preacher but, had a brain aneurysm) MIL owns the gymnastics academy I work for. MIL has told SO how handsome he is. FIL has told him how happy he is that he has taught the boy's "men" things.They always ask about him and his kids.Good,bad,ugly they always bring out the best!(except ss19 LOL)
I'm an only child,my father lives across country, IL's are my "family", how do you handle your widowed/er family?
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Comments
It is different than an ex
It is different than an ex situation and maybe a little more complicated.
After my mom died, my mom's family was very accepting of my dad's new wife. They are nice people, my dad was young, they knew he needed to move on and everybody wanted him to be happy; they still considered him part of the family.
I actually thought it was very brave of my dad's wife to spend Christmas with us at my maternal grandmother's house that first Christmas she was with my dad but it became very obvious later how jealous she was of my mother and she took it out on me and my sisters. And because we did not live in the same city as my mother's family, we did not get to see them as often after my dad got re-married.
If they are your family (and they are certainly your children's family), I think they are worth fighting for and I think you need to have a serious conversation with your SO about it, especially if his family snubbs you and BM is in attendance. And, it seems that your ILs are very accepting of your relationship with SO. For me, this would just be something that any man in my life would have to come to terms with.
Sure, it may not be easy for him, but hey, we put up with a lot of baggage with our men's families and ex wives. He can do this for you.
What a hypocrite. He's have
What a hypocrite. He's have holidays with BM but you can't see you old in laws? I'd tell him you'll stop going to the in laws when BM is no longer involved in holidays.