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Who here is dealing with SKs with disabilities?

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 9:23am

I posted this on the adult forum but also know this is an issue anyone of any age can face.

I think a SK with a disability adds a whole new dimension to an already difficult situation. Or it can, at the very least. I think the SK in question will need more support emotionally, financially or both from the bio parent. They may also need more help adapting to a stepfamily situation from the bio parent. The bioparent may need to help them more in dealing with their feelings toward the sp.

They will also probably need more emotional support in dealing with life and their respective stepfamily situations, and dealing with their feelings toward the SP, as adults from their parents. Can you think of anything else they may and/or probably will need from their parents, both now and as adults?

Comments

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 9:48am

What ANYONE with a disabled child needs to do is prepare them for as independent life as possible. This may be a group home, apartment in a special complex, etc. A job no matter how little hours they work.

I've seen some extremely mentally and physically challenged individuals just bloom in such situations. And that does not mean that their parents cut them off and rarely see them. My friends who have done this see them all the time as do their adult siblings - weekend visits pretty often.

The individuals who have been sheltered at home just go to pieces when their parents die. No matter how many siblings are willing to help they just cannot adjust.

love_my_shichi's picture

Submitted by love_my_shichi on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 12:06pm

This is very wise. My sister suffered from severe depression and drug induced schizophrenia and was on disability when my father died, who was rather wealthy and always babied and cottled and spoiled her rotten (MUCH LIKE THESE SKIDS) to the point where she was LITERALLY incapable of taking care of herself, and she killed herself because she was so distraught. She was literally so used to "daddy" paying for everything and solving all her problems that managing her own life was impossible.

This is A HUGE part of the reason why I cringe watching my SO coddle and spoil his kids, as my parents somewhat did it to me and my sister. And myself, I went from being kind of a spoiled princess to my parents getting a divorce and then shortly after becoming a single mom with NO SUPPORT whatsoever. You are really doing your child a disservice by not giving them life skills- disabled or not. And a disabled child especially needs life skills for sure.

And while we are on the topic, my skids have now been babied so much and they are so lazy that they are in IOP programs at school for no other reason then LAZY PARENTING! One of the kids scored very high on a reasoning test, yet the boy has been catered to so much and is such a lazy sloth he can barely write his name or tie his shoes and they are thinking there is somthing "wrong with him" and they are now (BM anyways) demanding that the school pay extra attention to him. I am like- look lady- if you did not plop you kid in front of the TV and XBOX for the past 10 years and weight on him hand and foot maybe he would not seem like he is semi retarded!

Doesnteatcrow's picture

Submitted by Doesnteatcrow on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 11:07am

Amen Oldone! That is one of the biggest problems I have with BM. She will not even allow my ss to push his own wheelchair. We have had therapist after therapist work with both of them and he is not allowed to do anything by himself. There is not a plan - My husband hears things like "well the school district has to keep him until he is 22). Hmm, at 22 she will be almost 60 and my husband will be 50. Who is going to take care of him after that?

He can do so much more than people give him credit for. SO SAD!

dontcallmestepmom's picture

Submitted by dontcallmestepmom on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 11:20am

In her effort to protect him, she is setting him up for a potentially very dismal and sad future. I have seen this in my work with special education kids. Breaks my heart.

pixiedust10's picture

Submitted by pixiedust10 on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 11:40am

I wonder if SS7 can be considered disabled or not with him strictly having mood and behavioral disorders, no Autism, Aspergers, etc. My concern is that he will continue to have to be in outpatient or even inpatient programs at special facilities long term like the place he has been in since the end of January. He's not been able to function in an elementary school, even one that has a program customized for children with behavior disorders. I'm afraid he will never be able to be a socially and emotionally functioning person in general society and he will forever be dependent on parents or hospitals because BM has only wanted and been in control of him and his care so she has purpose and importance until now...and what happens as he gets older?