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Sometimes, it is really hard/impossible for me to feel sorry for our DHs/SOs.

Anon2009's picture

And that's for a variety of reasons.

A lot of the SKs here were conceived in short term relationships where these guys did not know the BMs well, if at all. And yet they still got into bed with these women. And many of these women turn out to be psychos. Note to all people: before you get into bed with someone, get to know them!

Some of these guys then married the BMs because of the pregnancy resulting from the one night stand/short term relationship.

A lot of these guys are Disney Dads. A lot of them do not rein their kids in as children and then are dismayed with how said children act as adults.

Some (and I say some because I know there are dads out there and on this site who try to help their kids the best they can) do not try to undo the damage being done to these kids. They do not seek out more time to see the kids to try to help them. I don't understand how a parent can do this. I hope I would take a different course of action as a parent.

A lot of these guys claim they were trapped by BM. I don't deny that there are women who go off BC because they want to try to keep a guy. But sex, even with BC, can result in a pregnancy. Most people learn these things in their high school sex ed classes.

Comments

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Yeah, you'd think so. No one is harder on themselves about this than DH is. He wishes he learned the old adage early: Never stick your dick in crazy.

But some women are just that good at trapping men, stroking their egos in just the right ways, and hiding their crazy until the very end.

The BM in our life knew his father passed away a few months before (he was imbalanced because of that), was having issues in his relationship at the time (his GF of 5 years who he didn't really love anymore but wasn't sure how to leave), and alienated him from his friends by manipulating things like telling him what his friends said about him behind his back etc until he was utterly alone and basically constantly made sexual advances towards him--for a year before he cracked.

Then told him she was allergic to latex (although I think that may be a lie, as doctors use latex sheaths for their vaginal sonograms which DH was present for with her) when he pulled out a condom, also told him she was infertile, also told him she had crohns and was on a medication that prevented pregnancy for crohns, and she had her boyfriend who she was cheating on back that up for her, and turns out she had never had crohns.

Then she told all of his friends she was prego before she told DH. And told them he abandoned her so all his friends, every last one of them, hated him. He still hasn't mended things with his best friend of 15 years because of what she did.

So when shit hit the fan, he had NO ONE. This is how bad it can get.

How do I know this? I was THERE throughout the whole thing. Watching from the side as a friend and stepped in when things got too bad. The one mistake BM made was that she didn't try to get me on her side because she was jealous of me and hated me.

Do you think a normal person has what it takes to protect themselves from true sociopath crazy? I'm thinking no.

I feel sorry for him but still know it's his fault. He does too and doesn't try to justify what he did, although once laid with the facts, most people understand. He just doesn't shit talk her, even though he'd love to like she did to him.

TASHA1983's picture

My BF met BM while he was coaching her sons hockey team. When they met she was a divorced mother of 3 kids. They were not together long before he knocked her up and during her pregnancy he married her. He was one of those men that wanted to do right by his kid. Boy was THAT a huge mistake that HE KNOWS he made and regrets. Because like most women our men have knocked up, she too was/is a lazy, entitled, gold digging whore who during their marriage controlled everything especially the money. She had to have new cars all the time and houses etc. and the best of everything for her and her kids. ALL on BF's dime of course, so he worked many hours at a few jobs plus side work all so she could have the money and be in control.

Yes, he ALLOWED it. He could have and should have said something and shut her down but apparently he didn't. They were married for 9 years in total and only one child resulted from their relationship. She however was cheating on BF with God only knows how many other men and became pregnant while still legally married to BF. BF had no desire to stay with BM once he found out she was cheating on him and their marriage was pretty much over at that point.

I do feel sorry for what my BF has to deal with now because he made a stupid choice to get with her and knock her up and now he is suffering the eternal consequences of his fuck up. I also feel sorry for myself that I have to deal with it too, I know I at least have the option to leave at any time but I love my BF very much and he is a great man to me and for me. I just fucking hate the situation he is in and also I am in because of being with him.

I am also sometimes resentful, angry, and bitter that he has this fucking kid and BM in his life still because there is nothing joyous or positive about having them in the picture! I hate that because I want to be with this man I also have to deal with and suffer for HIS fuck up! He knows how I feel and he understands and he definitely regrets getting with BM because he knows what his life is and is going to be like because of the bad choice he made in getting with her and knocking her up but unfortunately it is what it is.

As long as my BF keeps his loser bm & skid the fuck away from me and I dont have to deal with them and their bs and we stay on the same page in regards to skid and bm I believe that BF and I can make this shitty situation work out.

lawyergirl06's picture

My SO was married to his wife for 13 years. She got progressively worse as time went on and he kept having kids with her. He was from a big family and wanted 5 children. He had 4. He hung in there as long as he could I suppose and though I hate her I really do love the kids. But I am lucky. They had it terrible with her (lots of physical abuse and mean spirited comments-SD9 told me once that she heard her mom call her a little bitch on more than one occasion) and so for the most part they are really good children. They have their issues...god if I have to pick up one more damn candy wrapper I am stringing them all up. He calls the 13 years of his life with her the most damaging mistake ever. But, you know how it goes. He was young and stupid.

xtina's picture

My opinion on this goes both sides. On one side, I think that yes, the man chose to sleep with someone without protection. Yes, he made that choice and he has to live with it. But it pisses me off that women get the ultimate upper hand in these guys' lives. WOmen can have abortions on their own free will if they choose not to become parents, but why don't guys have the same choice? The woman also made the mistake to not protect herself but she has a way out. Guys don't have a way out. If the woman chooses to keep the baby, the man is screwed. In my opinion guys should also get the decision to step aside and not be responsible and not end up with 18+ years of child support. I know many men who are stuck with crazy women in their lives forever for a child they didn't want. I feel like men are stuck with child support causing them to BARELY get themselves by while living with roommates and holding 2 jobs while the BM doesn't work and gets all the help she needs!

But I also see both sides because I believe too many men out there are pieces of shit who knock up every woman they see and then run away. Some women truly deserve child support and some don't. I get a whoppin 151 a month and I don't complain. I use it to pay for daycare and food and whatever.

xtina's picture

My SO has SS5 from a one night stand and SS3 from a 5 year relationship and they decided having a baby might fix things between them when really she ended up getting another boyfriend on the side. 2 skids that could have been prevented!

Unhappy's picture

DH met BM at his aparetment when he first moved her. They dated for a year and then she some how got preggers while on BC. He married her because he got her preggers. Fast forward to two years later and they are having problems so they decide to have another child to "fix" things. Two years later they got divorced.