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SKs and BMs putting up a wall against us (the stepparents)

Anon2009's picture

In reading a lot of the blog entries here, and looking back on my own experience, I think skids tend to put up walls against the stepparents. I think they do it because, deep down, they feel some sort of insecurity about us. They may feel insecure about how much Dad loves them, how much happiness he gets from them, about having to share Dad with a new person and about the new stepparent in general.

Often, their putting up these walls makes them become more distant with their biological parents. Maybe they don't want their news/information getting back to us stepparents? Like I said, a lot of it stems from insecurity. I think on some level they think (at least I did) "what about me? Don't I make you happy? Don't you love me?" I knew my parents loved me, but it took me awhile to warm up to my stepdad and accept him and my stepmother.

My SDs had a lot of walls put up towards me, too. They've started taking them down because they cannot turn to BM for help, love and support. And let's face it, there are some issues that a lot of girls feel uncomfortable talking about with their dads.

What has been your experience with SKs putting walls up against you? What would you say to those stepkids who have put up those walls? What would you say to the stepkids who put up such great walls that their parents are now hurting?


Anon2009's picture

Also, what would you say to a BM who doesn't keep DH in the loop about the kids because of her insecurities about the SM?

wavedancing's picture

With my experience in Step Parenting the walls are there. I know my own sks have placed them in different ways. My oldest SS's just dont have big issues cause they are grown and know what is about to be an adult and have children now. The two younger ones. WOW!

SS18: YOUR DAD LOVES YOU! If you were honest with self and would allow your dad to be around you, you would see that he is not all those things that your Mom has said. STep away from your MOTHER and have your own thoughts and life!!! BEfore it is too late! Stop blaming everyone else for your laziness. Get off your TUSH!!!

SD16: This is not a game! The world does not revolve around you at your daddys. Yes you are his little girl and always will be. Does not mean that gives you permission to act like a little WH$#E and expect everyone to look the other way. Stop blaming everything that happens to you on the way your MOM is and the way your child hood was so hard. You do not have a CLUE what it means to have a hard childhood. You say you do not want to be like your mom but yet you manipulate and use everyone that you can get away with it with. How is that any different? I do not want to be your MOTHER, I just want to get along with you and I want you to treat me with respect since you live in my home.
BM: Your children have a father that has been made to feel as if he had no rights to have a relationship with either of them. We now have the daughter because she was too much for you to handle, but now that you realize that the child support is going to stop you are playing nice. What the heck is that about? Really? I am tired of you calling me names behind my back and telling people stories about me that you do not even have a clue about! If you want to know something about my life just ask ME!
Your days of being all up in our lives is almost over! I can hardly wait to celebrate!!! I will also put a prayer in for you because you have NEVER tried to have a life for yourself now your children are almost grown and being bitter about a divorce (that may I remind you, you filed for) that was over 12 years ago has grown really old to everyone that has had the displeasure of being stuck in a coversation with you, just is not going to work much longer if it does any more now. You are a selfish, unreasonable, bitter woman that will be old way before her time because of your nasty attitude towards others.