I am not a SD nor do I have a SD. This is just how I feel about the situation. SD should be respectful enough to allow you to sit/stand next to your husband. If you were talking to her, it sounds like you two might have a good relationship compared to other SM/SD relationships we read about on here.

If she offers you a role in the wedding, say helping her plan, you have the right to decline. You can tell her that you feel it would be overstepping in your role as a SM.

DH had a cousin get married not to long ago, and she had her SF in the receiving line. That being said, her BF is not part of her life. I think that also depends on the relationship you have with SD and the role she would like you to play.

i don't want any part in anything to do with sd. i want nothing to do with a wedding if that ever happens. she's pregnant now, and i won't be throwing her a shower, either. all she would want from me is money and stuff anyway, she wouldn't truly want me to be a real part of it. she's a user.

When I married my XH - his parents were divorced and both remarried.

I included them all - I saw no reason to separate the spouses, I mean, why make MIL and FIL who are divorced sit next to each other - then what, make StepMIL and StepFIL sit together????

Anyway, the BIL had an absolute fit about 'his parents' not sitting together - I was like, dude, they aren't married anymore (going on over a decade already).

For BILs wedding - he had his parents sit together and forced the step parents out somewhere - he is an ass.

Oh just a note: MIL was a nutso BM - did PAS and all that. My wedding to XH was the first time she had ever 'met' the SM - how lovely.

That's a good question. My SDs will probably be getting married in the next few years, and I have thought about this as well. I do wonder whether either of them will include me in the wedding. As far as I am concerned, at the minimum, the stepparent should sit with his/her spouse during the ceremony. I also wouldn't be happy if there was any part of it that had my husband and his ex together as though they were still married -- for example, having them sit together, having them get photos together, etc. I imagine there are probably biomoms out there who would take issue with this, but I would NOT be happy if my SD and her husband wanted a photo with their parents that didn't include me. Sorry, but I have been part of their lives for a long time now, and my husband is married to me. I'm hoping that this will never come up.

I hope I can be behind the sceens making sure things get done so SD and BM can enjoy the day.

I am very frustrated with my relationship that my skids have with my family. But I love them greatly.

This all brings up an interesting point re: stepchildren and weddings. I attempted to post on another blog earlier re: having SD in wedding or not. Somehow it got lost. Anyway, my thought was during my wedding - SD4 was a flower girl and left after cocktail hour, is that 1. I didn't go to my parents wedding and 2. I likely wouldn't be a central role in her wedding. Point is, we are expected to put these step kids in our weddings, front and center, yet quite possibly as Stepmom will get shut out of their wedding - and it's completely acceptable. Food for thought for those struggling with having their skids in wedding.

I'm a SD and I honored my step mom and step dad in the same way my mom and dad were honored. step dad and dad walked me down the isle. one on one arm the other on the other arm.

but they have both been in my life since i was 3.

i know my step mom was offended a few times. she was pretty active in planning and decorating so if i failed to tell her a new detail she was hurt. but oh well, she got over it.

at the very least she should let you sit with your dh. if she doesn't then dh should certainly sit with you anyway.

i know for me i will probably not have a very active role in planning my sd's wedding or being much of a part. mainly because bm will pitch a fit.