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May be baby!

Anniemorris's picture

Hi all, in a dilemer and not sure what to do. 

But of background for you, I have a daughter 11 and we live with my partner and his 21 year old daughter. 

The 21 year old is type 1 diabetic and has a bad attitude towards it and general life, she is extremely messy and actually quite pigish and is very attention seeking and selfish. She's constantly cause anguish for her dad, and she usto for me too except now I have detached myself from her. Sounds nasty but for my mental health and the fact I need to look after my daughter and my partner I have had too. 

I was not snooping in her room, as i refuse to go in there unless I apsolute have to as its a bio hazard in there!.

I was in the bathroom when I heard a bang in her room, ran in to find the bloody cat had got in there and knocked stuff over, as i was going to get the cat i noticed a box of pregnancy tests with one missing and a box of cigarettes. 

Now do i say something or should I keep my mouth shut?

If she is pregnant she carnt really move out as my partner and I think the so called boyfriend is actually married ( that's another story) and also being type 1 she carnt look after herself let alone being pregnant on top. We only have a 3 bed house terrace so it's small anyway. But also with a baby crying all the time day and night will cause issues for my partner and my daughter with sleeping. But also I deep down feel it will be left to me to bloody look after it.

Also we would end up paying for it. 

 

And the smoking thing she knows we don't agree with smoking. 

So what should I do.? 

Comments

susanm's picture

First check in the bathroom trash to see if there is a test.  Yes it is gross but you want to know.  But if you can't find it I would not worry too much yet.  My SD had a period tracker on her phone but still for some reason could not grasp the basics of being an adult female.  She would panic every month and think she was pregnant.  She would buy and take a test.  Apparently this was common among her friends.  The first few times I found tests, because she would just leave the boxes lying around, I lost my mind.  When I asked her what was going on I got answers and it only confirmed that she was as much of an idiot as I had thought.  We all know the symptoms though.  You will know soon if something is up.

As far as the smoking, you should be able to smell it on her at some point.  That is easy to mention to her father and let him address.

Anniemorris's picture

Thanks, unfortunately she's not a kid you can talk to if you know whst I mean, she is one very angry young lady. 

But I was thinking along the same lines as you and just let him deal with it xx

tog redux's picture

I would tell him, personally - not that there's anything he can do about it. Sounds like he's raised her to be "disabled" and immature, but it's not like he can force her not to get pregnant.  Still, he should know. I wouldn't withhold it.

Curious - why can't she live on her own due to diabetes? Lots of people do it.

Anniemorris's picture

She cant live on her own because she dont look after her diabetes. She's do dangerous basicly. 

And her dad and i raised her together since she was 11 and her mum kicked her out. 

And honastly since she turned 18/19 it's like you wouldn't believe we brought her up, none of our ethics at all. In fact she's like a carbon copy of her mother. 

Which beggs the question of nature or nurter doesn't it. 

Honestly she one of the whoes betired me people if you m ow what I mean. 

tog redux's picture

She may be like her mother, but you and SO are raising her, so you have to find a way to stop letting her control everyone and refuse to grow up, by using her diabetes as the excuse. You basically have a Failure to Launch situation.

Like any Failure to Launch kid, you guys need to stop making her life comfortable so she will be motivated to leave the house. Diabetics don't have to live with their parents forever.

Cover1W's picture

Well, yoy may have a line drawn you cannot cross. I have made it clear to DH that I will not be living with grown SDs and g*d forbid there's any babies, I don't raise them. SDs were 12 and 14 at the time of this talk, no issues yet with this imminent, but still.

Talk with your partner and be prepared to go. 

My sister has type 1 (since age 15) and she's been independent as a usual person. Your SD is lazy,, even about her diabetes, that's all. 

Anniemorris's picture

Yea i K ow she's lazy I actually said that myself. 

Was just trying to work out if I sshould say something or not. 

I can't actually find the test either. 

justmakingthebest's picture

I would tell my partner and her at the same time that I found it. Then I would make it very clear to both of them that I have no intentions of living with or raising any more babies. 

simifan's picture

 

This is a perfect oppurtunity to express your concerns about SD leaving the nest . Tell to DH lay out hay you are willing to accept and what you are not. Personally, I would not support an able bodied adult. I have made it clear since exSD & DS were young, I was not raising their babies.