GOD I am tired of the jealousy of this pregnancy.

No Princess Precious SD12, YOUR grandparents will not give a flying fuck about my baby, you are and always will be the center of the universe. They are ALL YOUR grandparents and they will have very little care for my baby beyond it being Princess Precious Baby SD12's new sibling.

1. Grandma and Papaw (BM's Dad and SM) - Bm's SM and SD12's half-sister that Grandma/Papaw adopted and raised from BM came to the baby shower, but they are not grandparents to my baby, they came for SD12. They will not be taking my baby on cruises and buying it hundreds of dollars in Christmas every year like PP.

2. Papaw (DH's dad, DH's mom passed). He has called SD12 "the baby" for 12 years. He fawns over her like she is the only grandchild (he has three grandkids and three great-grandkids), but SD12 is center stage. None of the three great-granddaughters hold a candle to "the baby aka SD12", so I see absolutely no reason my baby would be any threat to her being center of universe.

3. Laura (BM's mother) she lives way out of state and has not too much contact with SD12, but does see her about once a year and sends Christmas and birthday gifts. She won't be a grandmother to my baby.

4. My grandparents (SM's grandmother/grandfather) They live over 2-1/2 hours away and they have always done for SD12 the same as all their multiple other greatgrandkids. They will be over 80 when my baby is born; he will never really even remember them.

5. My mother - Cut off for being a vicious cruel verbally and emotionally and psychologically abusive person to me when I let her back in my life for this pregnancy. She was all those things and physically abusive to me as a child. She will not be a grandparent to my baby. She has always sent SD12 presents every year.

6. My father - Minimal contact after he signed his rights away for me. He is around minimally now. He is excited about the baby when it is convenient, but he is not going to be some great active grandparent to the baby any more than he had been to SD12, if he even shows up once a year or so.

SD12 (almost 13) was quite happy when she was told this baby really won't have any actual grandparents like she has and her grandparents will still favor her.

Then she goes on about how I won't let her babysit or be around the baby - Damn straight. Pout all you want, I don't trust you.

I got the first two "suicide notes" she wrote, too. They were in different colored markers and it was the most blatantly manipulative immature attempt at guilt tripping you can possibly imagine... I get it, she feels bad and is hurting, I understand that and I get that she is having a lot of negative feelings. I have depressive episodes where I feel the world hates me and I have had suicidal thoughts that were invasive myself. I, however, did not text everyone at school about it nor did I write letters to tape to people's doors about how I am dying from taking four antacids and how that was REAAAALLY trying to kill herself. Oy.

I am trying to be supportive and understanding. I have been in extreme depression to the point that I got treatment from a psychiatrist because I had "intrusive, unwanted suicidal thoughts" that scared me and I was afraid I would hurt myself but didn't want to actually do it (not attention seeking as the only one I told was the DOCTOR).

I am seriously going to push to do in-treatment for her benefit; if not, she will see the pediatrician and get referral to a pediatric psychiatrist for an appointment. I cannot watch her 24/7, however, and DH works. I will not cater to her, either. She wants me to fawn and I refuse to feed into it. Of course I want to hug her and tell her we love her and don't want her to hurt herself, but I see what she is trying to manipulate us to do exactly that, so I CANNOT feed into her manipulation or she will think she has a way to get what she wants...

She actually asked why she cannot have her phone or have friends come stay the weekend...then more sullen pouting.

And no, we did not get to paint the baby's room or put his furniture together this weekend, like we planned, because it was all SD all weekend and DH and I were just to drained and depressed dealing with her. Oh well. I have a playpen he can sleep in if I deliver early.

I am sooo sick of this. DH is doing his best. He hasn't coddled or fed into it, he has been firm, but caring towards her.

I think she will do it again and more "dramatically" to push to get the attention she is seeking if we make her mad again. Like if I dare call her out for being a liar again.

Happy 36th week in pregnancy to me!