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BE A MOM OR STAY OUT OF IT.

ANITAHUN's picture

Submitted by ANITAHUN on Sat, 01/22/2011 - 7:00pm

I HAVE AN 8 YEAR OLD STEPSON, ME AND MY FIANCE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 4 YEARS. I DO NOT FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN TREATED AS A MOM. EVERYBODY IS ASKING ME TO BE A MOM FOR MY STEPSON BUT THEY ONLY LET ME DO THE DIRTY WORK. STUDY WITH HIM PLAYING WITH HIM WASH HIS CLOTHES FEED HIM MAKE HIS LUNCH CLEAN UP HIS ROOM....! IMPORTANT STUFF?I GET THE " STAY OUT OF IT OR MIND YOUR BUSINESS" I AM NOT ONLY HAVE TO DEAL WITH A DRUG ADDICT MOTHER I HAVE TO DEAL WITH AN OVER PROTECTIVE FATHER-IN-LAW ALSO. THE CHILD IS GOING TO ONE HOUSHOLD TO THE NEXT WHERE HE GETS TO WATCH SCARY MOVIES EAT ICECREAM ALL DAY LONG GET TO STAY UP UNTIL 3 IN THE MORNING.OH AND MY POOR STEPSON HAS ADD ALSO WHAT DOESN'T HELP EITHER. SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I AM THE ONLY PERSON HERE WHO TRYING TO BE A PARENT NOT A PLAYBODY. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN CAN I BE INVOLEVED AND WHEN SHOULD I STAY OUT OF IT. IT IS HARD TO DO THAT.MY FIANCE AND ME WE ARGUE ABOUT THINGS BECAUSE HE DOESN'T SEE THE THINGS I DO. AND I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A CHILD ON MY OWN ALSO. BY THE WAY MY FUTURE FATHER-IN-LAW CAN'T EVEN STAND THE THOUGHT. IF ANYBODY OUT THERE DEALING WITH ANYTHING LIKE THIS I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR FORM YOU. SORRY FOR MISSPELLS I SPEAK THREE LANGUAGES. :?

Comments

stepsonhatesme's picture

Submitted by stepsonhatesme on Sat, 01/22/2011 - 7:38pm

I go thru this ALL THE TIME!! I've told my dh that I feel like a glorified babysitter for ss17. I also told him that u feel taken advantage of. I said that if I don't have a say so in EVERYTHING realted to SS then I'm not doing ANYTHING Forbes held responsible for the things he does/or doesn't do.
(Its gotten a bit better since the "discussion ")

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Sat, 01/22/2011 - 10:18pm

If you don't stand up for yourself, these issues will get worse and you will become bitter and resentful, to the detriment of your relationship. I understand the "perpetual babysitter syndrome" very well. In my own experience, I made it clear to DH as well as MIL amd BM, that I would not be held responsible (financially, physically or otherwise) for any child to whom I was merely "a convenience." I asked to be involved in the decision-making process for anything that affects or includes me or my bios.

WickedStepMom18's picture

Submitted by WickedStepMom18 on Sun, 01/23/2011 - 2:18pm

First of all, know that you are NOT alone and this is so common. I have been with my BF for 8.5 years and have been a mother to his son since he was 2. I am the most responsible parent between the three of us (BM, BF and me!) when it comes to accepting adult responsibilities. I feel like I am constantly bailing the birth parents out. My BF is a fantastic father but that doesn't mean I don't get the same kind of treatment. When he feels I am stepping beyond my "place", I've been told to mind my own business (doesn't usually involve SS11 but BF gets much more touchy if I "question" how he is handling the BM). The only way to combat that is to be upfront, honest and straightforward. Inform your fiance that you aren't the hired help. You don't work for him, his son or the BM. These words have come out of my mouth on more than one occasion. You are entitled to happiness in your life, so feel loved, appreciated. Demand it... in a nice way! Resentment is your worst enemy. You don't want it to fester and overcome you. Make sure you always make time for yourself. (Easier said than done, I know!). I agree with DM3222, disengaging from the lunacy and taking time to be by yourself is the only way to preserve your sanity.