OT - Wordplay Wednesday

I'm on one of THE most boring teleconferences so thought we might have a little fun.

A cowoker (I'll call her Sally) and I were talking about her sister coming to visit. Her sister wants to stay with Sally. And Sally says, "Ermgawd, I hate house pests!"

Aniki: House PESTS?
Sally: Guests! I meant guests!
Aniki: I think you DID mean pests. You're Freudian Slip is showing, Sal!

What are some funny Freudian slips you've heard? How about some idioms/sayings that people say incorrectly?

house pests (yes, still laughing about that)
bait breath (s/b bated)
gold mind (s/b mine)
mute point (ya mean MOOT?)
you're barking up the tree wrong (s/b barking up the wrong tree)
nip it in the butt. Oooooouch! Why don't you try nipping that in the bud??
It was so romantic - he tongued me dry. I meant TOWELED! (suuuuure you did)

Pet peeves of mine:

Using 'ideal' instead of 'idea' - and claiming that 'idea' is NOT an actual word (check the dictionary, silly)
'mano a mano' does NOT mean 'man to man'
I'll learn you how.
should of/could of/would of. (gaaaaaaaaah!!!) should HAVE/could HAVE/would HAVE
The ever popular screwups with your and you're
- YOUR: those are YOUR effing cookies
- YOU'RE: YOU ARE baking the effing cookies

And my all-time favorite word fubar by a former coworker:
I apologize for the incontinence.

Yep. You read that correctly. She meant incompetence. She sent that email to about 100 clients. The boss was livid because she was supposed to have me proofread all of her emails. ~snorty~

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I'll play

First of all...thank you for should of, would of (chewing glass here).

Bare with me (I think I'll stay clothed while I bear with you)

Borrow it to him ...LEND you can lend to, and borrow from. You cannot borrow to!

Use vs Utilize You use a fork to eat. You utilize a fork to prop open a window. If you're using something for it's common purpose it doesn't make you sound fancy to utilize it!

People who incorrectly correct my grammar. Please leave the book with Sheila or me. That is correct! It's not Sheila or I. You would never say leave the book with I. It's leave it with me.....of course then Sheila and I will throw the books at people.

I know there's more...thanks for the opportunity to vent!!

Edited to add....Moo point. I'm not sure which of you wonderful people directed me to Joey from friends and the "Moo Point" , but it still kills me.

Bare... yeah, I'm selective

Bare... yeah, I'm selective when it comes to getting nekkid with people. LOL!

Oh.Em.Gee. That Sheila and I/me drives me up a frreaking tree!!! My oldest brother does that - despite being corrected by our Dad for decades. Makes me want to smack the back of his head every time. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!

Me too!

Okay, here goes:

your for "you are" instead of the correct "you're"

there for "their house"

we are in "agreeance"

It is very "addicting"

I also had a coworker who wrote "Sorry for the incontinence". She meant inconvenience.

"was" instead of "were" (and vice versa).

Nip it in the butt also bothers me.

He "payed" instead of "paid"

My ex husband used to say "Doggy Dog World" instead of "Dog eat Dog World".

I'm sure there are more pet peeves, but that is it for now.

Ah, yes. There, Their, and

Ah, yes. There, Their, and They're.

There: Where the effing cookies are located. There are the cookies.
Their: The effing cookies belong to them. Those are THEIR cookies. Your cookies are over there.
They're: Those who are baking the effing cookies. They're baking the cookies.

What is agreeance???

What is agreeance??? Agreement? I'd like to thank my elementary English teachers!!

Ps...sorry for the

Ps...sorry for the incontinence kills me!!

Agreeance basically means "in

Agreeance basically means "in agreement". It's not often used.

IC

I seen you instead of I see you, or I saw you.

DH and SD does this all the time, previously, but I am the correction queen, and now SD speaks more correct around me...lol

My Dad did not learn to speak

My Dad did not learn to speak until he was 10yo. He majored in English (taught for a short time), Because of those two things, it was important to him that his children spoke English correctly. Why my fathead brother continually fubar'd that Sheila and I/me scenario above is beyond me!

DH hates "on accident"

DH hates "on accident" instead of "by accident".

"Could care less" bugs me, and "payed" instead of "paid".

I imagine that started out as

I imagine that started out as "AN accident". Much like could/should/would OF started out as could've/should've/would've. Sigh...

A couple of others....

Pacific instead of Specific.

Axe instead of Ask. Please do NOT axe me!

Congradulations.. ugggghhh.

Congradulations.. ugggghhh. Samwich... sheesh.

Congrads, ESMOD! I write/say

Congrads, ESMOD! I write/say 'sammich', but that's me being silly.

It's one thing to "bastardize

It's one thing to "bastardize" a word for comic effect but another when it's clear that the person really doesn't understand they are using/saying/spelling the word incorrectly. (and it's not just a typo.. my guilt)

True, true. Evil Aniki could

True, true. Evil Aniki could not resist. xo

My Freudian slip: I have a

My Freudian slip: I have a client that is just so good looking he makes me nervous. He came into my office sometime last year. I shook his hand, said "have a seat, what can I do to you?"

He also has a great sense of humor thank Dog.

Dammit, classy, I just

Dammit, classy, I just snorked ice water up my nose. Complete with a chip of ice! LMAO!!!

another one

definately or defiantly instead of definitely!

Hey, maybe that person is

Hey, maybe that person is definintely defiant!

I have never encountered this

I have never encountered this before living in Georgia...

Confusion between when sale and sell should be used. It drives me absolutely bonkers.

"Will you sale me that car?" "How much will you sale that for?"

I see and hear it all the time.

Dang. Do they ever coRnfuse

Dang. Do they ever coRnfuse 'sale' and 'sail'??

Maybe they do not realize

Maybe they do not realize there is another "sail"?

That's a possibility!

I meant to say that ship has

I meant to say that ship has sailed and for some reason I said he missed that boat.

When I complain about DH undermining me and he replies that he does not undermind me. He also complains I use too many big words and read too much....kinda he's joking but not funny.

Undermind...heehee!

Grammer nazi here. Aniki,

Grammer nazi here. Aniki, this thread is making me twitch!

Axe instead of ask makes me bite the inside of my lip - hard.

Using seen when saw is correct nuts me up. Nothing makes a person sound more hillbilly than saying "I seen Jim at the hardware store." Jim was seen by you, Cletus Roy Jay, therefore you saw him.

And misuse of subject and object pronouns seems to be spreading like an epidemic. It's "She and I went to the store", not her and I.

My mother was raised in the UK, where even street drinkers speak with better grammer than some Americans. She corrected her children's grammer mistakes Each. And Every. Time. At home or in public, alone or in company, she was relentless about speaking correctly. I'm grateful for that. I think permissive parenting is partly to blame for the fact that many native English speakers in this country can't speak the only language they know correctly.

The funny thing

Is my husband, although born here, has an entire family of ESL folks. He just picked things up! He knows the correct way, and so do the children, however he has "past" down his vernacular and diction...

How about when people text incorrectly! That gets me as well. Gunna, U, luv, all those awesome little acronyms that are still incorrectly used.

Toxic Troll and Feral Forger BOTH text incorrectly. Yah.

Eh, I think some people just

Eh, I think some people just aren't too bright. People mispeak their own language in every country.

My mother is a grammar nazi, too, she corrects me all the time on the stuff no one thinks about - lay vs. lie, she vs. her, us vs. we.

Her special annoyance is "bring" vs. "take". You TAKE it with you, and you BRING it back. You don't BRING it with you.

Exjulie, I am, too. Quite a

Exjulie, I am, too. Quite a few times, I've damn near bloodied my lip reading here! However, I do not correct STalkers.

I take that back. One time (ONCE!) one member snarkily pointed out that another member used improper punctuation... and did not end the sentence with a period. Evil Aniki felt the need to point it out. But I will never correct anyone's grammar goofs or spelling screwups.

'Her and I went to the store' is as irritating (to me) as 'Emeril gave the cookies to her and I'.
One does not say 'Her went to the store' or 'Emeril gave the cookies to I'.
Then again, maybe one does... *dash1*

Affect & effect

Ss11 had a mug made for his teacher who has cancer that said Cancer may effect (something) but it doesn't effect your happiness. I said ss11 that is so sweet but you can not give this to a teacher. We called the company and they sent us a new one with the correct spelling of affect.

Gads!

A biggie on here is FIANCEE

A biggie on here is FIANCEE vs. FIANCE. I find myself correcting that one a lot.

I think its a me·lee

of people doing this.

Not just on here, FB. I do

Not just on here, FB. I do NOT correct anyone on here. I have, on occasion, been asked to proofread a message/letter. At that time, I will correct all spelling/grammar errors. But that's it.

My DH is not the best speller. But he's a freaking genius - and I do mean genius. Spelling is simply not a strengthy. But he is not my child so I will only 'correct' him if he asks what is correct.

The Fiancee/Fiance one is the

The Fiancee/Fiance one is the only one I correct - just because I think they might want to know, it's common for people to mix those up. I would never correct all the "I seen this" "I seen that" stuff on here.

That's cool! I don't and that

That's cool! I don't and that's cool, too.

It's not always easy to tell if the couple is M/F, F/F, M/M, or anything else. So I leave it alone.

My biggest one is LOOSE when

My biggest one is LOOSE when they mean LOSE. How is that so difficult, you'd never call someone a looser!

Apostrophes when it's plural drives me nuts too! What belongs to the avocado's???

BioHo is looser... diablo

BioHo is looser... *diablo*

Would you like some effing cookie's?

OMG Aniki I'm dead!

Would you like some of my

Would you like some of my lethally strong coffee to revive you?

the Avocado's pits.

Are they anything like

Are they anything like armpits?

Another member of the grammar

Another member of the grammar police here too! All of the above irritate me but another one is 'should of' instead of 'should have'. I happily tolerate Americanisms when written by Americans (favorite/favourite, center/centre etc.) but it drives me up the wall when my phone does a random update, changes the settings and I end up with the 'wrong' spellings!

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OT - Wordplay Wednesday

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