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OT - Thankful Thursday

Aniki's picture

Happy Thursday, STalkers. We're one day closer to the weekend. Yippee!!! Anyone else having a long-arse week? Yesterday felt like a week all by itself. Ugh.

I've been dealing with some - to me - annoying, unnecessary crap. It's damn irritating when people try to make me part of THEIR drama. That's a big ol' HELL-NO in Aniki Land and moves you out one circle of trust. 

What's the Circle of Trust? Layers, like an onion. Or an orge. And I've been feeling kinda Shrek-y lately with all that's going on. Here is a standard CoT. Naturally, if someone is toxic, they should NOT be close to the center! I'm going to work backwards...

  • MISTRUST
    • Strangers, toxic people. These people generate a feeling of mistrust because we do NOT know them OR... we know them all too well. This is the outermost circle (or outside your circle) and those in this circle should be as far from the center as possible.
  • VERY LITTLE TRUST
    • Store clerks, neighbors, that guy/gal at the gym. These are people you know casually, through minor encounters. You have friendly exchanges, but they are NOT your friends. You don't discuss much other than superficial topics.
  • POOR TRUST
    • Distant relatives, coworkers, neighbors (yes, again). You are friendly with these people, but would never ask for a favor or divulge intimate details of your life. (And if you ARE, WTH?!)
  • MEDIUM TRUST
    • Cousins, aunts/uncles, grandparents, friends, counselors, pastor. These are people with whom you have a close relationship, but NOT as close as your intimate circle. You spend time with them, have fun together, discuss a variety of topics (possibly delicate ones), and can probably ask them for a small favor.
  • INTIMATE CIRCLE
    • Parents, siblings, BFFs, spouse/SO. These people are the people you TRUST; the ones you lean on or go to first when you need help. The ones who take care of you when you're sick and stand by you during your most difficult times.
  • CENTER
    • SELF. That's right. It's all about YOU. Self care is vital to your health and well-being. YOU are your own primary caregiver.

 

Each time we expand our circle of trust and let people in, we tear down a psychological wall. But when we allow UNtrustworthy or toxic people in - especially to our innermost circles - we are exposing ourselves emotionally. A toxic person in your intimate circle means you are at their mercy and their behavior WILL end up taking a toll.

Our intimate circles should be made up of people who bring out the best in us; who give us joy and bring us light. So you need to be careful about what circle YOU allow people to be in. You may need to push some people out a layer. Or even to outermost/outside of the circle level. Don't be afraid to "move" them out a level or three. YOU are your first level of trust AND protection. 

You may be thinking, "This is kinda interesting, Aniki, but I thought this was Thankful Thursday..."

It is indeed Thankful Thursday and I am thankful that I recognize MY circle layers and that I have finally reached a point in my life where I am not afraid to push people out of my intimate circle when they go from trustworthy to toxic.

 

Take care of YOU! xoxo

Comments

Stepdrama2020's picture

 Perfecto post. 

Thumper's picture

Great post Aniki. It gave me pause.

Yes, Aniki it is ok to keep your circle small and tight.  Moving some people out a layer, two or three OR all together is so freeing.

 

 

Aniki's picture

Thank you, Thumper. Freeing, indeed!  It took me a long time to realize that people who might 'naturally' default to the intimate circle do not necessarily belong there. Time to move 'em on out!

CajunMom's picture

This is powerful!

I'm thankful that you posted this!! Going to be re-reading and meditating on!

queensway's picture

So you ask what is your level of trust? Trust for me has been broken. I can't find it anymore. So I do my very best to only trust myself. I would also want to add what someone told me a few years ago, "Trust your gut because that is your guardian angel telling you something". So I trust my gut. Sometimes I falter.

Aniki's picture

Aw, queen. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

I've had my trust irrevocably broken twice by those in my Intimate circle. The first was exh. I believe you know my story, so you know it took me many, MANY years to be able to trust another man with my heart.

The second is more recent and is my sister - who has been my BFF all of my life. Strangely enough, I am not even angry because my subconscious has been registering our growing distance over the years. There are those who say I should "call her out" on it. I have, but it has had zero effect. Self-preservation tells me to take several steps back while I push her away and say nothing. Talking to her hasn't worked so I will stop wasting my breath. I did a lot of thinking over the past few days. A LOT. And I finally realized that, as she's gotten older, she's gotten toxic. Not exh toxic. Not narc toxic. But definitely toxic to my mental health because she refuses to take my feelings into consideration. Maybe distance will get her to sit up and take notice. And if it doesn't? I'm at peace with my decision. 

My gut falters sometimes, too. And I have ignored my gut and regretted it. Deeply. It gets better, darlin'. *give_rose*

advice.only2's picture

Excellent post, keep your trust circle close and tight, especially in today's world.

caninelover's picture

I love this!  It took me many years to learn that it is ok to push people to those outer circles when needed.  In fact, I find that the smaller your inner circle the better off you are - more focused and able to tune out the noise and drama that those 'outer circle' people generate.  In other words, more focused on your own priorities in life.

Thanks Aniki!

futurobrillante99's picture

I have an outer outer circle that looks a lot like outer space!! Those people do not exist for me. Wink

Aniki's picture

Caninelover (love the name!), it also took ME many years to learn this. I am finally at a place in my life where I can acknowledge that when people change, it is okay for me to NOT be okay with those changes. I don't have to spend the same amount (or any) time with them. I don't have to talk to them as often (or at all). And if I do talk to them, it is my choice to not divulge those intimate details. Confiding in someone should not make me feel uncomfortable and concerned. I should be confiding in someone because I know they are in my corner and will help me - even if it's simply to listen to me bare my soul.

caninelover's picture

I am actually (sadly) in between canines after my last canine furbaby crossed the rainbow bridge, but we are planning to welcome a new canine furbaby into our home in the next couple of years :)  We do have a couple of kitties keeping us busy nowadays.

 

 

Aniki's picture

It's so hard to lose a furbaby. My darling Mr. P crossed the rainbow bridge in May of 2017. I am still mourning his loss. There will be another dog one of these days, but it will be a few more years. 

Kitties are so much fun! I've had them in the past, but my DH is highly allergic, so no more kitties if I want to keep him. LOL