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OT - divorce drama

Aniki's picture

For those who were previously married, how long did it take for your divorce to be finalized?

My divorce from psychotic exh took 16 months. He argued over the most ridiculous things to try and keep me tied to him. I wonder how many people can say that their divorce decree stipulates that "Psychotic Shi'thead retains possession of the bed quilt made by his mother"? I kid you not - that is in there. Nukkin' futz.

A friend of mine has been trying to get a divorce for 7 years. Yes, YEARS. She called me Friday to tell me that, once again, the divorce has been pushed back. You'd think this was some high profile, uber-rich arsehole. Nope. This jerkwad is just a narcisstic, lying, cheating POS. If she didn't have kids, she'd probably be tempted to shove him in front of a snowplow.

Comments

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

It took DH almost 2 years to get the divorce finalized with Psycho... She pushed it back again and again with super stupid s*** until he was frustrated enough he basiclaly just signed whatever and paid for the whole thing to have it over with.

 

Aniki's picture

My DH's divorce from BioHo took almost 4 years. There was one thing on which he absolutely would NOT concede. BioHo's attorney was constantly after 'Ho to STFU. It took DH, in court, being adamant, and 'Ho losing her temper and screaming out the truth. DH's attorney pounced and 'Ho lost the day. Patience (and being stubborn!) is a virtue!

Diablo

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Good for him! My DH was stupid and just signed s***. *eye roll*

queensway's picture

4 years, FFS. I am making you a drink with 4 fab. ingredients. You deserve it. You are who you are today because of those 4 years. xo

Aniki's picture

A drink with 4 fab ingredients? How did you get my RUM PUNCH recipe?!?!?

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

LOL. You've posted it on here before Aniki. It almost made me want to start drinking... That and my uncle's rum balls... Those were HEAVENLY...

Kes's picture

I have sympathy for anyone who has a psychotic ex, including my DH lol.   I was lucky, although my ExH was emotionally abusive for a number of years before I left him, after I split, he was reasonable and friendly.  I didn't bother instigating divorce proceedings for about 7 yrs after I left, and when I did it went through painlessly in a matter of months, as we had no property or money to divide.  

Aniki's picture

You're very fortunate, Kes. To this day, my psycho exh maintains that I am still his wife and he could do to/with me as he pleases.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

I beg your pardon? Does your DH know this? Excuse me but my temper doth boil over; I’d love to feed his b!tch ass a knuckle sandwich. GRRR!

Tell me you’re armed to the teeth? Locked and loaded? A motherf*cker That dehumanizes you and acts as though you’re mere property is not to be trusted. 

Aniki's picture

Yes, DH knows. Psycho exh is in jail. If he ever makes it out alive and comes after me? Let's just say he won't be going back to jail... Dirol

Aniki's picture

For repeated assault AND multiple murder attempts. Hopefully, his arse will be in jail (getting larger) until he's 80.

nengooseus's picture

And then it took about 6 months to get my idiot X to agree to terms (that we agreed upon in a Separation agreement a year before).  

I have a girlfriend who is on year 6.  There's literally no property and custody/CS were already separated from the divorce.  Her X is an idiot and representing himself, which means he can drag it on and on.  And in our city, the courts are soooooooo bad that it's not even strange that it's taking so long.

advice.only2's picture

Holy crap!!! That sucks! My ex as a douche as well, I had to disclose my financial history from ten years back...I was only 23 at the time...so I had to disclose my bank statements from when I was 13. We had no assets, I left everything with him, I took only my personal belongings and my vehicle, and yes he even tried to claim that because he had given it an oil change that he was entitled to it.
The divorce was finalized in 6 months, but the hoops I had to jump through was ridiculous.

Aniki's picture

My friend (and the douchebag) have to disclose financial statements every 4-6 months. It took almost 2 years for her to get any kind of CS for their 2 kids from him. She ended up moving in with her parents because douchebag would not pay for so much as a gumball.

futurobrillante99's picture

As you know, mine took.......OMG, I just did the math...............99 days. LMAO!!!! Now that's freaking funny and some cosmic providence.

futurobrillante99's picture

The divorce from my first husband took the mandatory 1 year separation plus 97 days. A total of 464 days from when I kicked him out (which includes 2 extra days because of labor day weekend).

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

My divorce from IPOD-H took just over 6 months, which is very quick considering I didn't have legal grounds to file for divorce in  the first place. Yes, we have laws about when and why you can get divorced and the shambles of my life with IPOD-H and his kids was not reason enough at first for my divorce to proceed!! You see, families have to be protected from home wrecking hussies like me who want to get divorced when they no longer can stand their husband's behavioural insanity! About half of the six months was court ordered counselling to see if we could repair our marriage - or if we really wanted to get divorced.

When counselling was finished - and the second sane marriage counsellor signed off that there was no chance of saving our marriage - the divorce proceedings went by like a clock-work tick box exercise. We had no children or property to split and share. I was ordered to give my rings back to IPOD-H as well as the ceremonial silver cake knife my parents had given us to cut our wedding cake. Petty, but I could care less! His request for spousal support was refused though... When he requested alimony, my lawyer laughed so hard, I didn't have to say anything... He didn't get it. Those were the only three issues the court really had to make a ruling on. 

I think, all in all, things went well. At least it is better than my brother's divorce decree which actually states that his ex wife may not come within 200 meters of him and she is banned from any contact with him or their child. She may re-petition the court to review contact with their son, but this hasn't happened in ... 12 years now.  

Aniki's picture

The ceremonial silver cake knife YOUR parents had given you two. Gads.

Myss, it would be SO great if 'Ho was ordered to be no contact...

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

My brother was married to a normal woman who went completely psycho in the end. I have never ever seen such a messy divorce and child custody dispute. In a mom-centric court system, my brother got full custody of a 2 year old and a restraining order against his ex - so I leave it to your imagination to figure out just how bad it was for the court to order no contact.  

Aniki's picture

Someone normal who went completely psycho... How is it that these people are able to conceal the crazy??

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

Maybe it should be "appeared" or "seemed" normal....? She didn't seem crazy when they were dating or when they first got married.
But she definitely went full psycho later. (I think she had a mental breakdown as there is mental illness in her family. Or she concealed the crazy well - and fooled us all.)

She disappeared with their infant son for around three months. When the police tracked her down, she  claimed my brother abused their son in the period she was missing with the child... Not before, but during the time she was dog knows where, which was an impossibility  - because my brother had no access to his son and was out of his mind with worry. That in itself was just crazy!

When he filed for divorce shortly afterward, she showed up at a hospital where he worked with a knife and was going to kill him. My brother did hit her in self-defence, to disarm her, because she did actually attack him with a knife. When they were both all patched up and injuries checked, because a hospital is a good place to try to kill your spouse, she filed physical assault charges against him because he hit her and shoved her during the knife attack...    

Aniki's picture

How awful!! It certainly sounds like she had a breakdown. :(  Thankful your brother recovered from his injuries and got custody!

futurobrillante99's picture

Sometimes inherited mental illnesses aren't apparent until there's a triggering event. In her case it might have been childbirth and a possible bout with post partem depression.

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

You are right FB99. 
It was suspected that her mental illness was triggered either by childbirth or post-partum depression, but she was completely unco-operative in her psychiatric evaluations so trigger could not be pinned down.

LuluOnce's picture

DH's actual divorce, as in no longer married to each other and legally allowed to enter a new marriage, took 9 months. However, the distribution of assets took five years (!!) and countless court dates to hash out. BM was of the opinion that she was entitled to at least 60% of everything and was determined to fight for it. She did not get 60% (thank gosh!) but she still got a boatload of money and "stuff", including the house.

I don't think she really understands money though because despite getting over $2000/mo in alimony (no child support currently) and her sale of the house for a profit of over $100k, she told the social worker at one of their most recent appointments she was worried she wouldn't get the follow up info (on the custody case), since she "doesn't like to check her mail or answer her phone now that she only gets letters and calls from bill collectors". So I get the impression she has blown through everything she was awarded in the last three years...

notasm3's picture

My brother's ex got $4 MILLION dollars not quite 30 years ago - plus a boatload of CS.  My brother paid for all prep school and college expenses - tens of thousands of dollars. No probably hundreds of thousands of dollars.

She is now broke and furious that he won't give her more money.  Their son is now 35 and successful in his own right.  He helps her out some.

Aniki's picture

Well, he should obviously be committed to supporting her for life since she pooped out his kid!! LOL

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

T-t-two THOUSAND? I think that’s more than I earned net working 40 hours a week salary.

ndc's picture

SO and BM's divorce took 4 months and a couple days from filing to final order.  They filed a joint petition and agreed on everything.   They'd been separated for a little over 6 months before they filed, but it wasn't a mandatory separation or waiting period - our state doesn't have that.  It's good when the ex isn't a psycho. 

ESMOD's picture

6 months for me.  We had already divided our assets.  I had written up the separation agreement myself and presented it to my EX.  It included giving him some things he asked for... like the behemoth furniture my parents bought us for our home.. that wouldn't fit my lifestyle...lol.  I gave up more than I should.. but it was over quicklly.. no kids.. 650 dollars.. done.

Aniki's picture

My exh actually wanted me to pay him spousal support. The judge laughed at him.

Okay. I admit... the divorce also states that he got his "erotic undergarments". As if I want that banana hammock with the elephant head or the g-string that was nesting in your sweaty asscrack. Gaaaaaaaaahhhhhh.....

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

LMAO.

Only thing to even do with that s*** would have been to burn it (after carrying it outside on a REALY long stick). He seriously thought that had to be writen in???

Aniki's picture

Yes, PA, he INSISTED. Baffling, since, to this day, he insists that I am his wife. Maybe he planned to stalk me wearing that elephant banana hammock while playing Guns N' Roses "Welcome To The Jungle"...

princessmofo's picture

My psycho ex had it stipulated that he was to retain 1/2 the wedding china plus the gravy boat.  Talk about insane.  And mind you that china was gifted by MY relatives not his cheapskate kin.  And it took one calendar year as he kept contesting the divorce stating I had no grounds because the government/FBI was coercing me.  He was bipolar schizophrenic.  A year after the divorce he kidnapped our children on a supervised visit and attemped to enter Canada with them.  

Aniki's picture

What.The.Hell. Was he planning to escape North America in that damn gravy boat??

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Not too long, I guess. Biohag is pathologically lazy so that was DH’s advantage.

Mine took a little longer. My ex husband is a f-ng d!ck.

classyNJ's picture

It took me 4 plus years!  He told me he filed and I waited for paperwork, nope nothin.  Said "oh I had to change stuff" - there was no stuff to change.  All was in my name and we did not have children.

Then it was - listen I can't afford health insurance can we work something out?  So i agreed to stay married on paper only and keep him on the insurance (he was born with MD) as long as he went to the doctors on regular basis and paid me his portion.

He never paid and just drained by HSA account by going to a therapist to get "happy pills" because I ruined him and he couldn't deal.

Finally I hocked engagement ring and wedding ring even tho I didn't need to, and filed myself.  He didn't even need to sign and didn't show up the day of the divorce.  

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

My ex had 30 days to contest or something. I sweated those 30 days. He is passive-aggressive and vindictive. I guess he was too lazy or couldn’t be bothered as there you CANNOT stop someone divorcing you.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Yeah by improving his life and giving him what he always wanted! F*ck! Thousands I wasted on that jackass. Then he had the audacity to put his hands on me. Grrr!

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Agreed. Sad

notasm3's picture

Oh the china wars.  A friend's husband brought her china from his trips to the Cayman Islands (where he cheated his ass off) for several years.  He INSISTED in the divorce that he got that china.  It was a point he would not budge on.  Her attorney finally said let it go to him in the decree.  So she did.

We all joked that she should pack it all up, and then we would take turns dropping the box.  But here's the kicker.  It is now 30 years later and he has never picked up that china.

 

Aniki's picture

IOW, he did it just to be a d!ck.

I'd have some sort of Greek-style, plate breaking celebration with that stuff!

Cover1W's picture

6 months - wait no, that was the maximum estimated.  Started proceedings in Feb and were done by end of June/early July.  So 3-4 months.  No kids.  I walked away from the house (I did get a share in the equity), the vehicles, all the expensive "things" so he'd stay out of my retirement. 

Worked with a great divorce mediator - it only cost $5K.  We split that cost.

He complained and raised hell and even the mediator's office said he was pretty terrible actually (and she had been through a lot of course).  He wasn't being treated fairly and getting no say and not enough time which was all a load of cr!p.  At one point he threatened to get a lawyer (for what exactly I asked, then said, once you know THAT price let me know if you want to go ahead with that route and break us both).  I stabbed him in the back, was a beyotch, a mean terrible person.

Mind you he was the emotional (and likely to be physical) abuser, alcoholic (on drugs too sometimes I think), cheater.

Fun times and I got out quick once I made the decision.

Indigo's picture

There were a few days leeway during my divorce, but it was fast. (3 months +/-) Eleven years, one child, home, ranch, livestock, debt ....

In hindsight, I wished we'd taken more care & time. Ex-DH & I get along well enough raising BS, thankfully.

It was more difficult separating emotionally. Back then we spoke daily for hours after our divorce. Mixed emotions & signals. A new GF/SM's nightmare, I'm certain.

He's married & divorced since then with twins he hasn't seen in years. (Different country). His last divorce took longer but was hampered w/international crappola.

In our state, divorce is generally quick .. 50/50 custody.