To discipline or not to discipline?
Wouldn't mind some advice from all you SM's out there (assume that's the right abbreviation - bear with me, I'm new one this site).
I have been with my new partner for about 18 months and have been living with him for the past 12 months). He works away and is home 6 days out of 14. Of those 6 days, he has his three kids (twin boys aged 13 and girl aged 10) from Friday after school to Tuesday morning when he drops them at school. I have two kids (boy aged 11 and girl aged 
that I have custody of 50% of the time. Hence our household ranges in size from just me some nights, to just us some nights, some nights with us and his kids, some nights with us and my kids and some nights with all seven of us!
It must be said that 90% of the time things are pretty great. His kids like me, my kids like him - all the kids like each other and look forward to seeing each other (probably because they only get to see each other occasionally). They do squabble occasionally but all siblings do (in fact, most squabblings is between the 'real' siblings!) SD is a good father and does spend quality time with his kids when he has them and I don't have too many problems with his parenting techniques (although a few times I have had to remind him that he is their parent and not their friend and they will actually respect him for putting his foot down!)
My question relates to an issue that came up after Halloween. The kids went out trick or treating and then left their lollies in identifiable baskets in the fridge. Monday my kids went back to their BD and my partner's kids were with us. Tuesday they go to school and when I get home with my kids we find my daughter's basket of lollies completely empty. SD has stolen every single lolly. Asked my partner if he knew anything about where the lollies were (whilst knowing full well - not the first time SD has taken things that are not hers despite our 'house rules' about respecting each other's property). He rang SD and bawled her out about it then went straight out and bought lollies to replace the stolen ones. He also apologised to my daughter and told her that SD's pocket money would be withheld as punishment the following weekend and given to my daughter to buy lollies with.
Here's the question. Do I say something about it to SD next weekend or do I leave it that my partner has disciplined her enough? My instincts tell me not to but it is stealing after all. Just lollies now but what might it be in the future? Money from my wallet?
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Hmm.. The new me says let dh
Hmm.. The new me says let dh deal with it, but know it's probably done. We had a similar situation acouple years ago when ss22 moved out and ds20 walked by his empty room and said hey, that's mine,,, and so is that...I bet u found a bottle of capt Morgan too right? We did. I told dh he should deal with his son stealling from my son. He never said a word to him, after all he just moved 1000 miles away and my son didn't really care, he's easy like that.
Thanks for your replies -
Thanks for your replies - they are full of good advice. I was thinking I probably wouldn't say anything unless SD approached me or BD - his kids are pretty good at apologising when they get into trouble. If SD apologised I would take the opportunity to remind her that stealing is never ok even it was only sweets. The idea of holding a family meeting and reminding everyone of the house rules makes a lot of sense. DH and I are always conscious of presenting a united front because we are both conscious that if we are not seen as having respect for each other and each other's opinions and values, how can we expect the kids to? We tend to leave it to each other to discipline our own kids if we are all in the room together and I would never normally discipline them unless I am alone with the SK's and it's a bit enough issue to need to pull them up on. It's important to maintain their respect for my authority in the house.
I would say let dad handle
I would say let dad handle this; After 12 years of all this; I would say it is easier to let dad handle ALL of it. Unless it is life threatening; just fend for your own; this may be the bitterness talking today; I had a rough night with SD yet AGAIN..... I think you should do what works for you; talk about with dad - agree ahead of time; it always works better when HE has YOUR back... united front; this is something we lack; SD runs the show. Good luck to you; you will figure it out
First I'd like to say that
First I'd like to say that your SO/partner handled it very well. He made sure that your child didn't get the shaft and called his child right away and outlined the consequences. I really think the only way it could have been better is if it had been discovered while you still had SD so that the discipline could have been done with both of you present.
I think if you are to discuss it with SD at a later date, she might feel like you're attacking her for something that is already in the past and has already been dealt with, punished, and served.
I wanted to add another
I wanted to add another thought: I think as parents we forget sometimes to model forgiveness, so if you do end up saying something to her, try to focus on your disappointment in the BEHAVIOR, rather than on the kid...and maybe work in something about forgiving her.
Sounds to me like it has
Sounds to me like it has already been dealt with by DH.... why beat a dead horse?!
Agree with sillygilly. It was
Agree with sillygilly. It was dealt with. Dh did a good job of handling it too, IMHO. Had all the kids been there then yes, a family meeting could have occured. If your dd was there then an apology to your dd should have occured. But they weren't there. No telling when he next time you will all be together again and by then I think it's too late to bring up again. If this continues to be a problem then perhaps a family meeting is needed but to me it sounds like everything was taken care of. Had dh not done anything about it then you could've stepped in but he did handle it. Why punish a kid twice for the same thing? She'll only blame you and start resenting you instead of respecting you.
I would have the lolly thief
I would have the lolly thief apologize to your DD and that would be the end of it. I don't think you need to talk to SD separately, as SO has already dealt with it, but I think a child to child apology would be nice, too.