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Ack!!!!

AndSoItIs's picture

I swear. BM gives me high blood pressure. I can't even take her sometimes.

She dropped the skids off last Sunday with SS wearing a black long sleeved tshirt, brown loafers, and jeans. SD wearing some crochet hoodie thing, and jeans. Okay. Except that it's freaking ALMOST JUNE, and we live in the SOUTH. It was nearly 85 last Sunday!!! Anyway. Usually what we do is whatever clothes they wear here from BMs, that's what they wear back. Friday rolled around. It was supposed to be almost 90 again. AND it was Beach Reading Day at school. Meaning, everyone would be outside all day sitting on their beach towels reading their books.

So...I had a choice. Send skids to school in ridiculousness and have them smolder, OR, dress them in their PLAY clothes and tennis shoes and off to school they go. I of course, chose the latter. Yes, they were play clothes. None were ill fitting, but they were like a size under what they normally wear. But, oh well. If anyone looked at them they wouldn't say those clothes were too small. IDK why I'm defending myself.

Anyway, so I laundered the skids clothes from BMs and put them in their backpacks with their tennis shoes along with a note, because I felt I needed to explain why they weren't wearing her clothes. And yes, I wanted to be a bit childish. Meh. Sue me. It read: BM, because the clothes you sent the kids home Sunday were completely inappropriate for it being nearing June and in the 80s, for Beach Reading Day today we decided to send them in clothes that were a bit more fitting. Please send them back on Sunday when you bring them home at 6PM per the new Court Order. Don't send them wearing them however, because they will then have nothing to wear to your apartment next Friday for your visitation. To eliminate any confusion, I have put the kids first and last names on their tags, as opposed to just "SD" or "SS" (she does this to all of "her" clothes because she thinks we're going to "steal" them...anyway), and I've also included a list of what they were wearing. Enjoy your weekend! And I signed it with DH's name as well as mine.

Come Sunday. Not a peep. I knew it was too good to be true. She's such a fucking idiot. I swear. DH read the note last night. I didn't until just now because I was already in a bad mood yesterday and didn't want to hear about it while I was at work. Anyway. It said, the clothes they had on were completely appropriate for the 60 degree weather we had on Sunday. It is YOUR (under lined 5 times...I kid you not) job to clothe the children during the week not mine!! While we're talking about appropriate, maybe you should check what sizes you're putting my children in! SS is almost 8, and SD is 6!!Have a great week!! And she signed it with her and her boyfriends name. But put the little heart with the two dashes on each side like you do when you're writing a note in high school.

First of all. Yes. I wrote her the note to be antagonistic. I absolutely did. I used terms she hates like "home" for our house, "court order", and "visitation". I did it to be a bitch haha. But she's an idiot. I want to text her and be like, did you read what you're saying?! It's MY job, but they're YOUR kids. Oh right. Right. And to sign boyfriends name? Please. She's lived with 5 different men in the past 3-4 years. Who knows how many relationships total. But now suddenly this guy is stepping up to the plate and is a fantastic guy. Hey, we've never even spoken about their relationship and DH has never said a word about him to her. At least this one has a steady okay job which is more than we can say for any of the other ones. She however loves to call me a whore and a prostitute at every turn while I'm the only person DH has had a relationship with since their separation and that he's brought around the skids. Meh. Whatever. Just needed to vent. I KNEW I shouldn't have even read the stupid note. It makes me want to write her one back, but that would be too high school and obnoxious, and it wouldn't make any difference anyway. You can't argue with stupid. I really would love to just slowly place my hands around her neck and squeeze until she turns blue and just goes limp though. Nothing dramatic. Just very, freeing. Just slowly squeeze tighter and tighter until...bam. Limp. This can't be healthy.

Comments

AndSoItIs's picture

Haha. I'm kidding of course! A person can only take so much stupidity though, ya know? But the more I think about it and get frustrated about it, the more I just find myself coming back to the same answer of oh well. She will NEVER be any different and if you try and talk with sense to her, she turns it in to nonsense anyway so why even bother wasting your time and energy? I've studied lots of different folks on the personality disorder spectrum. I SEE many sorts of folks on the personality disorder spectrum all the time at work. I have never met anyone like BM though, other than her, and the BMs I read about on here. She's the only one I've ever had actual living experiences with though. I find I treat her behavior more and more like a case study. She's quite fascinating. If I could only speak to her in a therapy setting and get some real stuff out of her. I just can't figure out how someone can be so incredibly good at being bad. She HAS to know she's obnoxious. She HAS to.

Kenna's picture

The 'case study' part lol LOVE IT! That is how I try and look at BM, although I put an entertainment spin on it! I am always mildly amused at her antics...however, it can get exhausting!

I love your attitude, thank you for sharing!

AndSoItIs's picture

That's why I too have found solace here. I have a best girl friend that I do tell everything too, and while she's a great sounding board, unless you've actually be through this stephell crap, you just can't understand. I can bitch and complain and vent to her all day long, but it's just so much better to come here and feel a giant cyber hug on days when you're feeling like you just can't do it anymore. From people that probably have felt that way in the past week, too. It's a really good feeling to know that you have support of people that while they have never met you, they truly are your friends!!

Ommy's picture

unhealthy would be to act on the thoughts, in my opinion (and my shrinks) having the thoughts means you are sane and know when it is okay and not okay to act on impulses.

Believe me, I have thought about many ways to kill BM, but I have never acted on them.

AndSoItIs's picture

Haha. My MIL and I spend more time that I'd care to divulge texting back and forth the ways my MIL could probably very easily get "off" with a temporary insanity plea if she just walks right up and shoots her. Heck, get a jury of little old women, and use the evidence from court and those poor old ladies would be like "that poor woman! of course she went insane! she was just protecting her grandbabies!!" We figure, 10 years, tops. MIL goes back and forth on if she thinks it's worth it. Usually we end with a heck yes it would be! Now, when you read about my MIL in the news...well...I'm deleting my account!! Haha.

Ommy's picture

your wouldnt even have to have little old ladies. It has become a lot more common these days for people to have at least one crazy BM in their family in one way or another. Weather it is your husbands ex-wife, or your cousins BM, or god forbid your cousin her self (my cousin is on a first class ticket to becoming a BM, I quit talking to her, she actually tried to convince her ex-boyfriend that Birth Control stays in a womans system for 4 months after you quit taking the pill. She is due next month and he left her when she was at three months, after asking EVERYONE he could about Birth control)

But no, wasnt that the weekend you and your mom came to Oregon to visit? lol

AndSoItIs's picture

Haha of COURSE it was!! I would absolutely be in a tropical paradise if MIL ever decided to do anything of the sort! Haha. Her "plan"/"idea"/"dream", whatever is that she wouldn't even hide that she did it though. Easier to get off on a temporary insanity if you're just super cold blooded about it and then *snap* oh no! I just can't believe I actually did that!! She drove me to it! Heck, I've seen women get off for killing their abusive husbands. This is essentially the same if not worse. These BMs are RUINING any chance these skids (hateful and rotten as they may be sometimes, I still feel for em) have at a normal way of thinking, and a normal life.

And oh yeah...birth control TOTALLY stays in your system for 4 months! Wait...I actually think that was the excuse BM used when she got pregnant with SD...oh wait. That was that she got bitten by a brown recluse and mistook her antibiotics for birth control. (she wasn't even dumb enough to say the antibiotics messed with the efficacy of the BC, she just said she thought they were COMBINED...yes, the doctor gave her a COMBINED antibiotic/birth control bill that you only take for 10 days...)

Ommy's picture

wow, you really cant fix stupid.

It isnt like doctors Drill in our heads even when we are not on BC that antibiotics cancel it out. Hell I have been told that since I was 13.

BSgoinon's picture

I completely understand were you are coming from here. On Saturday SS came home (it was BM's day) to spend time with my family that was here from out of town. I told BM we were havnig a BBQ and the kids were swimming and SS would like to join his cousins for this, when I was asking if he could come home that day.

So, SS gets in the car on Saturday wearing swim trunks, which I thought was strange since he was just coming home, where he has about 6 pair of trunks because we have a pool. They each have several swim suits. So do DH and I. I kinda laughed outloud and said to SS "you didn't have to wear trunks home, you have a million pair at home". He said "I know that's what I said to my mom she said you are goin to a swim party, you wear a swim suit". Ok......?? He was coming home, he should wear clothes, whatever. When we got home, SS was walking in front of me,and I noticed that his shorts were SUPER short. I told him to go upstairs and change in to trunks that fit him. I looked at the tag and they were a SIZE FOUR, as in for a TODDLER. SS will be 9 years old in less than 2 months. She was joking, right??? I texted her and said "did you realize the shorts you put on SS are a size 4? I will bring them to the game, he can't wear them".

DUH, there is putting something on a kid that is a little too small, and there is putting something on them that is TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE. Like earlier in the week when she put him in LINED WARM UP PANTS and a long sleeve tshirt, it was 96 degrees outside. IDIOT.

AndSoItIs's picture

I'm a control freak, and I dress my DH too. So I can see dressing both skids at age 9. I lay their clothes out the night before. IDK what they would do if left to their own devices! lol. Now, SD I will take time and have her pick out her outfit for the next day with me just because she likes it and she's a girl. SS wears what I put out, and doesn't care one way or the other! Haha.

BSgoinon's picture

That's funny I was just talking to my co workers about that after I responded. I guess she still dresses him. I don't "dress" the kids persay... I more tell them what they CAN'T wear, rather than telling them what they can wear. So they pick it out, and I make sure it is weather appropriate before they leave, and that it FITS.

AndSoItIs's picture

I mean...maybe "fits" is subjective. Haha. If you're a street walker and that's how YOU dress (too tight shirts and what not) maybe a 24MO shirt on a 6 year old little girl "fits" to you...maybe we should start trying to think with BM logic from now on. Oh wait...I like my job, and I feel my brain cells might diminish at a rapid enough rate to where I couldn't do it if I started thinking that stupidly...or irrationally. Yes. Irrational is much more "appropriate", and "fitting". Haha.

BSgoinon's picture

Someone would have to perform a complete labotomy on me to "think like BM". I'll pass. I will stick with the common sense approach. Pants actually touch the tops of shoes, shorts to the knee, shirts cover the belly button. Sleeves all the way to the wrist, you know...

Ommy's picture

I I attempted to think with BM logic, I get headaches and the urge to shoot myself to save the human race from stupidity. It usually ends with me shaking in a corner trying to down a bottle of wine.

AndSoItIs's picture

Hahaha. Common sense is not always so common I've come to find out. And ya know, while I always dress the skids very "cutely" if you will (especially SD, I admit, I do kind of play with her hair/clothes like I would if she were my own. I've always wanted a little girl, and for now, she'll do. Haha) We went to the skids end of the year awards ceremony today, while there were of course a lot of children there dressed "normally", or better, there were a LOT more children than I expected to look just...homeless. It always makes me wonder where THOSE children's parents are. And then I get sad because I probably don't want to know. It's one thing to be broke or poor. Hell, everyone's been there. But it's a completely different thing to be dirty as well. I know while not everyone can afford the nicest clothes or shoes or whatever, but give your kids a bath and brush their hair for crying out loud!!

Ommy's picture

the parents that belong to those kids are the ones with their hair and nails always done, they are glued to their cell phone, but they aren't texting, they are on face book...sorry personal vendetta coming out.

AndSoItIs's picture

Yep!! And they're usually the ones complaining they don't get enough child support and THATS why they can't "afford" new clothes for their children. Meanwhile like you said, nails done, fancy newest phone, hair always done (well, not in my case. BMs hairs a mess. But I can't help but think she might pay for it to look that way...)

AndSoItIs's picture

Yeah, the clothes I put them in weren't even a little too small really. The tag said one size, and she ran with it. They were their PLAY clothes at our house. Meaning no, on a normal day I wouldn't put them in to wear to school but they were still adorable compared to what she had them in and yeah, a LONG SLEEVED BLACK TSHIRT...and brown loafers!! SD6 JUST turned 6 in April, and SS7 will turn 8 in August. They're both VERY small for their age. SS7 wore size 5 slim jeans until very recently when I had to start buying him 6s for the length. I still have to always get the ones with the adjustable waist though bc otherwise they'll fall off his flat behind!! And SD, while the clothes she got for her birthday and her most recent additions to her summer wardrobe are size 6, some 5 shirts, she still wears her size 5 pants/shorts and even some of her size 4 tshirts and stuff. The stuff I sent them in was a size 6 shorts and 7 tshirt for SS, and a size XS (which I BELIEVE is 4/5 Old Navy, which this was) tank top, and a size 5 shorts. Their play tennis shoes were half a size smaller than the ones we bought them 2 months ago because their now play ones needed to be retired for summer/outdoor play. Heh. Meanwhile, she can put SD6 in a 24MO tshirt and think nothing of it. And don't forget, they're HER kids, but it's MY job...that was my favorite part. And I just noticed that the note was addressed to ME. NOT DH and ME. Just me. I freaking want to screeeeeeeeeeam!!! And now I have to suck it up, plate dinner for her spawnling, bathe them, and hang out with them. Which I'm sure won't be too terrible. But the thought of it right now...just...ugh.

knucklehead's picture

You asked for it.

It is "YOUR" job because you signed it you and DH. So, while it may not be your job, it IS Dh's job to clothe them. She's right.

And... if you're gonna bitch about her clothes, you should at least make sure your clothes fit!

Haha, this whole exchange is too funny. A bunch of immature women with kids stuck in the middle. LOVE-LY. :?

Ommy's picture

wow someone took their bitch pill recently.

If I am not mistaken every sense mother/stepmother has a set of "play" clothes as well as a set of "school/event" clothes. Play clothes are still able to fit the child, and as most of us adults know that special pair of jeans that we have had for the past 8 years still fits even though it is a size or two smaller then the ones we bought last week. There is a difference in dressing a child in "play" clothes and dressing in a child in weather appropriate clothes 80' in a black long sleeve shirt is like saying "here go play and get heat stroke, but remember momma loves you most"

BSgoinon's picture

I think it's a little different for a SM to sign a note from SM & DH. She is the STEPMOM... not some random boyfriend. A lot of times I will sign both our names because it is obvious that I wrote the note, but I want to make sure it is clear that DH is in agreeance to whatever it is. I get her frustration.

AndSoItIs's picture

Thank you! And that is why I signed it DH and MY name. Because it is obvious that I wrote it, but I wanted her to know that DH was aware of what I said. That, and I'd rather not get in to the "their MY children, not YOURS"...well, I wouldn't call it an argument, because I don't argue it. I just didn't want to hear it. You're right. They're YOUR kids. And I ASKED to take care of them because you're a fucktard and can't. Quite frankly it pissed me off to see her sign her and her boyfriends name. Because he's just that. A boyfriend. One that she's lived with, while cheating on with the same kid she was cheating on DH with, and was cheating on at least 2 other exes with, for a while. A boyfriend that gave her a PROMISE ring (she's 30...), and the same boyfriend that took my stepdaughter to buy a BED TENT for her bed so that they "could do whatever they wanted and no one could see"...but that's another blog. Fuck her stupid boyfriend, and fuck her. Ugh. And now, my solace has been yanked away. Damn it.

AndSoItIs's picture

Clearly you missed the point. I'm fully aware that it's MY JOB. Which is why I do it. It is NOT my job however, to make sure that she is aware of the weather and dresses them appropriately coming home from her house, and going to her house from mine. And um...you must've also missed the point where I said that their clothes from home DID fit, and also that they were their PLAY clothes from home, not their regular school clothes. I wasn't bitching to her. I was simply letting her know why her clothes were in a bag instead of on their bodies. This stupid issue with her and clothes has been going on since the beginning of visitation time. She even sent the police to my home one night because she said that we stole a hoodie of SDs that she bought, when I bought it for her for Christmas and had to prove it with a receipt! Well, not really HAD to. The police were mildly amused by the entire situation. You're right though. Next time I'll keep my evil step mother mouth shut, and let the smother in the clothes she sends them in to wear to her house the next week.

Also, it offends me greatly that you're accusing me of sticking my stepchildren in the middle of all of this. My DH and I have and continue to go to great lengths to ensure that does not happen on our end, and we are about to shell out a lot of money to a therapist that will ensure that anything that BM does on HER end is buffered to the best of our ability. We JUST got full medical decision ability, and have been scouring our area for a professional skilled in PAS. We finally found one.

You're damn right I ASKED for it. WE ASKED a JUDGE to give us my stepchildren, and for their mother to have pretty limited visitation. And we GOT it. We WON. We FOUGHT because this woman is a complete narcissist, and has full blown borderline personality disorder. She put my stepson in special education kindergarten and told the school that he was diagnosed with Autism. He was EVALUATED for Autism and the test was non-conclusive. She was just a lazy fucking parent who would rather sit around and pretend to be a victim than to actually do anything to help her children. My stepson was not potty trained completely until after he was 5. Once we got custody during part of the school year, and had a little bit of leeway with his teachers, he has been in REGULAR first and second grade classes and at his awards ceremony today, he got A honor roll for this grading period. AB honor roll for all year. Amazing what a little caring, and consistency will do for a kid. So yes. I DID ASK FOR IT. I asked for the ability to take care of my stepchildren the way their MOTHER should be. I asked for the ability to be able to make an appointment for my stepchildren (well, my DH does) when there is something wrong with them. I asked for the ability to be able to nurture and parent them to the best of my ability because the person that gave birth to them, clearly isn't capable of doing so.

I did NOT however, asked to be treated like garbage. Ask to be spoken to or about like a common whore off the street. Ask to sit and watch as she does everything in what little power she has left to alienate me and my DH to those kids. I did not ask to get in to a pissing match over every single little thing that goes on. I did not ask to be berated, or to have the children told complete lies about me. And I did not ask for her to never grow up, and for her to continue to live her life the same as she did before. She does things (like send SS in a black long sleeved shirt when it's in the 80s) because she's stupid and she somehow thinks it "hurts" us. Because she knows that I would never let him wear that to school on Friday, so therefore she feels like she wins because she "got" us to bend on the clothes issue. Please. Spare me.

You're right. As my stepchildren are cleaning up their dinner plates, and my stepson is running upstairs to run his bath and get ready to wind down for the night without me having to tell him to...it is rather LOVE-LY.

Yes. I asked for "it", I suppose.

Ommy's picture

try and ignore Knucklehead, from what I have noticed she is a BM supporter and most of her comments are rude and disrespectful to people on this site.

AndSoItIs's picture

I do my best. Haha. I just hate it when I come to vent, get a good laugh, allllllllmost forget that I was mad and then, BAM! All over again and then some! I can't help but wonder though, if her grass is so damn green, why is she pissing in everyone elses yard instead of simply maintaining and watering her own...?

Rhyleighblue's picture

Uh... Okay. I get that you were trying to get a free jab at the BM. I cannot hold judgement on you for that because I am no better than you. At Christmas I get ENGRAVED Christmas cards that say, "Everyone in OUR family wants to wish you and YOUR family a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year". Then I have all of our names printed on the bottom: myself, DH, Bubba, PeeWee and Princess. LOL! This never fails to put Bitchie into a red faced shrieking fit... Merry f-Ing Chritmas.

However... Now that you have drawn first blood, and BM has struck back.... Let it go.

1. Stop apologizing for how you parent the skids. Period. No excuses, no explanations. Just ignore her existence.

2. Let go of how she dresses them, feeds them or parents them. Her house - Her rules. Just shake your head in disgust and let it go.

3. If you are going to play the game then you need to become more original and creative. Make every hit HURT. Muhahahahaha! CAVEAT: She can become creative, too. Just saying.

AndSoItIs's picture

It isn't about playing a game for me. Really. It isn't. She gets her own digs too. DH and I have been together going on 5 years. This is NOTHING new. Haha.

I don't apologize for how I parent the kids, and I don't care what she does at her house as long as it doesn't affect the skids outside of her home. The putting my stepson in special education classes for example. Yes, that was done before we got visitation during the week. Technically at "her house". I WILL bitch about it however, because regardless of how well he does now, that still follows him. The clothes really are not that big of a deal usually. They're disheveled. It happens at BMs. I no longer get mad about it. I wasn't even mad about THIS. The only reason that I made a "deal" out of this was simply because I wasn't going to dress the skids in the clothes she sent for them, and I wanted her to know why. If I had just sent them back it would've been a huge thing too. Or if I had sent them to school in those clothes, well then I would again be the "bad guy" because then I would be trying to exhaust and smother the kids, and I would have DCS knocking on my door quicker than you can imagine.

I was just venting. This kind of stupid bullshit happens all the time. Last week she was 45 minutes dropping the skids off at our house because she didn't know the new court order said that she had to bring them to our house, and not to her parents. She then said she needed a police escort (she loves to play the victim as if DH is so big and bad. yet, they haven't had a conversation that wasn't via text outside of a courtroom since july of 2008.), to which DH replied that's your problem not mine, you're in violation of the court order, get her asap. She showed up 30 minutes later with no policeman in tow, and that was that. Sunday she dropped the off without incident. But she had to start it off with a confrontation.

Anyway like I said, I was just venting about this petty bullshit. It drives me insane and if I let it all build up inside I will explode. Easier to let to tea kettle steam a bit I suppose. Especially for DH and my marriage. I don't imagine I'd be married long if I unloaded all of this on him constantly!

Rhyleighblue's picture

Yeah... The voice of experience is telling you DON'T vent to DH very often. Men seem to be verbally fragile that way. If you are just Bitching and moaning to get it off your mind they somehow get the message that you expect them to magically fix their ex...??!!

Okay, so logically... If he had the power to fix the Ex then wouldn't he have done that instead of dumping her?!

Husbands are funny people.

AndSoItIs's picture

Haha yes!! I have just very recently learned that bitching to DH does nothing but make it worse because he feels like I want him to fix it!! I tried telling him I didn't want a miracle, or even a solution that I just needed to vent. Well, that didn't work either. Haha. He's a man that way I guess. I now come here, and vent about other, "normal" things to my best friend. She's way better at bitching to than DH! Haha. I'm glad I finally learned that though (the very hard way). We bicker a lot less, and it makes for a much happier us.

wozeee's picture

@ And so it is.
I too am in your shoes. My hat is off to you dear one. Wink
A great book I refer to constantly is. "splitting"
Protecting yourself and Dealing with a split personality, high conflict, bi polar personalities. Divorce.

You are safe amongst those who know and have walked in your shoes.
Until others have experienced the same or similar and believe me, we all do, will their be less judging and more compassion.
Karma Baby Karma Blum 3

AndSoItIs's picture

Haha. Yes. I like to think there's a special place in purgatory for people like BM. I don't affiliate with organized religion but I do believe in that for sure. Maybe in her next life she will come back as something awful. Like...a goat. Yeah. Or...one of those chicken in the FoodInc movie. Not the ones that are farm raised and grass fed. No. one of the ones that's in the dark room their whole life that go through and wade in their own feces for the 17 weeks of their life. Until their breasts get too big they can't stand up anymore, and then their heads get chopped off. Yes. BM shall serve a continuous life sentence as a tyson grown chicken. And it shall continue to repeat over, and over and over again. Like groundhogs day. Hahaha. Thank you!!

AndSoItIs's picture

I envy you. I WISH BM didn't speak English!! That would make my life do much easier I think if I couldn't understand what she was saying! Haha