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Can I B*tch about my Bio for a Minute?

amber3902's picture

My D15 has an iphone and I am seriously considering getting rid of it and getting her a basic phone.

She is constantly on it. We're in the store and she's on it. We're riding in the car and I can't even say "Look, there's an eagle" because she's looking down at her phone. One day we were at McDonalds. When I turned to her to ask her what she wanted, she was on her phone.

She gets home from school before I get home from work. When she gets home she is supposed to do the dishes and then her homework. I would get home and the dishes weren't done. When I asked her why she would claim "I just got home and got myself something to eat". But then my BF who sometimes works from home told me that she will take up to an hour to do the dishes because she is on her phone the entire time.

There is a family control you can put on cell phones that does not allow your child to make phone calls or texts between the times you dictate. So I set it so she can't make calls or text between the hours of 4pm and 6pm. But it does not stop them from going on the internet. So even though she can't call and text, she can still go on the internet.

She gets headaches a lot. So much I had to take her to the doctor. They said she needed to spend less time looking at screens, i.e. TV, computer and phone. I'm sure looking at the tiny screen on her phone is the worst.

This past Monday which was a holiday she spent the entire day in her room looking at her phone. I asked her why didn’t she go on the computer since that wasn’t as bad as looking at that tiny phone screen and she said she can only access certain apps on her phone. She didn't even want to go to the pool with me and her sister, she just wanted to stay in her room.

She is supposed to do the dishes every night, and she has yet to go one night without missing something. Every night I have to tell her, you forgot to wipe the table off, you didn’t put this away, you didn’t wipe the counter off, etc.

She has been doing the dishes since she was 11 and I have been going through this with her for years now.

I have grounded her for not doing the dishes correctly. I told her she couldn’t hang out or have friends over until she started doing the dishes correctly. She started doing better so I let her off punishment, and now a couple of weeks later she’s slacking AGAIN on the dishes!

Yesterday morning was the final straw. It is her responsibility to clear the table off after breakfast. So we finish eating breakfast and I go upstairs to get my sweater and a few other things so we can go. Five minutes later I come back downstairs and nothing has been cleared off the table. D15 is sitting on the couch looking at her phone. GRRR!!

I take her phone away as punishment, but there are times I need to get in touch with her when she stays after school or when she’s at her dad’s. So that’s why I’m thinking of getting rid of the iphone and getting her a basic prepaid phone. I don't care of the contract isn't up yet, I'll give it to my BF or just put it in the drawer. I rather it collect dust. I'm wondering if I should give her one last warning or just go ahead and do it?

Comments

stepmama2one's picture

If you tell her not to do something or she will get in trouble, and you don't follow through with your word then she will continue to do what you don't want her to do. Take the phone and make her work on her behavior to get it back.

amber3902's picture

I take away her phone or punish her every time. She does better for a while, then she regresses.

Willow2010's picture

I would give her one last warning. Tell her that she can not use her phone during or after breakfast and dinner. At least until the dishes are cleaned.

And that she needs to start using the computer more than the phone since she is getting headaches. Tell her she can be on phone for 2 hours a day and that is all. I think there is someway to set her phone so it will only do that for 2 hours per day....?

askYOURdad's picture

What if you got a cheap pre-paid phone. Next time she slacks/acts up take away her iphone. When she "needs" her phone for you to get in touch with her, hand her the pre-paid one.

As far as her phone, maybe make her "earn" phone time. Seems silly because she is so much older, but I make my 6 year olds "earn" their wii time or computer time, sometimes by having them do extra homework, read a book, practice soccer etc.

amber3902's picture

I really like this idea.

Taking away her cell phone has been the most effective punishment, but taking it away causes problems because that is the only way to get in touch with her.

justthegirlfriend13's picture

She is totally disrespecting you and practically giving you the F-you finger because she's going to do what she wants to do. I guess never before have you actually set any consequences for her actions to the point that she cares or can't figure out a way around them, so it's time to put your foot down.

If she was mine, she would be given a set of chores to do every single day for a week. If the chores got done, to my satisfaction she can keep the phone. Otherwise, the first screw up and the iPhone gets stored and you can buy a cheap smart phone off of ebay that she can use until she learns. Her computer time is also limited to only certain hours. This is easily done with net nanny type of software.

I bet that she'll change her tune really quickly once she no longer has that precious device attached to her at all hours. She can earn the iPhone back by doing what she is supposed to be doing, but only with the threat that if she screws up again, she'll be back with the dumb phone over and over.

amber3902's picture

Oh no, you got it all wrong. I have always set consequences for her actions.

She has chores every day she is supposed to do, and chores she is supposed to do every week. Every day she is supposed to do the dishes, every week she has to vacuum, empty all the trash and clean her bathroom.

She usually is a pretty good girl. She doesn't get into trouble at school or with boys. I never have to tell her to do her homework and all of my friends comment on how respectful and polite she is.

It's just getting her to do the dishes correctly every night is a struggle. Every night I have to go behind her and check that she's done the dishes correctly. Every night I have to call her to tell her she didn't do this, she didn't do that. It's just this one area that's a problem.

Tuff Noogies's picture

here's my take - setting blocks was a good idea. we had oss completely restricted during school hours, but there's certain emergency numbers that are allowed to go through (both outgoing and incoming calls). if i were you i would just extend that time to maybe 7 or 8 p.m. then take the damn router (so no wifi). if she continues because of something she's got downloaded to it, then i'd go for complete replacement w/ a prepaid...

amber3902's picture

I've already blocked her from making phone calls, but that doesn't stop her from going on the internet. I could turn off the wifi, but my computer upstairs uses it to connect to the internet, and I think my BF uses it as well.

Even turning off the wifi doesn't stop her from getting on the internet, she could just use the data plan. It also doesn't resolve the issue of her being on her phone when we're in the store, in the car, at the restaurant, etc.

kontan's picture

We have Verizon. With family base I can restrict the amount of data usage on each phone. For us each kid gets a gig. If they hit their limit the phone's internet will only work with wifi.

amber3902's picture

I have Verizon too and use the same controls.

I really don't want to restrict the amount of data she uses, just the amount of time she uses. I suppose I could limit her to a certain amount so once she hits that she's done, forcing her to self regulate.

But that still doesn't stop her from using wifi, so it's looking like Askyourdad's suggestion is the best option so far.

B22S22's picture

I had to do this with both of my kids...

And too bad that they couldn't take their phone to school... after all, I never had a phone when I was in school and I survived. I know for a fact that my kids' high school has a pay phone and it works so I always made sure they had quarters!

It worked for both of them, that was their "currency" (that AND the computer AND the PS3).

My daughter is especially bad, she is such an introvert I'm afraid she's going to go pale and develop pink eyes because she'd rather be inside on her phone/computer than outside doing stuff. Taking the phone away helps with that some.

Unfreakingreal's picture

We have a no phone during dinner/breakfast/lunch policy. If we go out, phones have to stay in your bag or pocket. In the car, BS16 listens to music but he gets car sick so he doesn't text or surf the web while in the car. If we have a family outing, phones must be put away.
I HATE to see a family sitting in a restaurant and everyone is on a device and no one is talking.
It is a constant battle, but you HAVE to do it or else you never know what is going on with your kids until you see or hear about it on the news or on Youtube.

amber3902's picture

You raise a good point that maybe she's not able to prioritize.

I'm taking away the iphone and getting her a prepaid flip phone that has only call/text ability.

amber3902's picture

iMessage? Is that a new app?

Funny, my daughter's school lets the students have cell phones. The teachers will even text reminders to their phones, let them take screen shots of what's written on the board. I guess they figure they can only control cell phone usage so much so might as well take advantage of it.