Thoughts after a long week.
Its been a few days now since Little Idiot dropped the tuition bomb in our laps. We fought for two days and I’ve been angry/sad/frustrated/confused/a million other emotions all week. I think today was the first day I’be actually calmed down some. I talked to my mom. She’s always been my rock and my best friend. I’ve also been reading about other people on here, not commenting much because I have been feeling low this week. Just reading about the situations others are in. And lastly I’ve done a lot of thinking about my life and how good/bad I’ve really got it.
I’ve been trying to come to peace with Little Idiot and all of her shenanigans and with Big Idiot and all of his faults.
Here are my thoughts on everything:
1. I don’t really have it that bad. I have a nice home, a solid business that is half mine, and a husband who I get along with most of the time. His daughter isn’t even around much and I can understand him wanting to help her even though she is a F up. I don’t know if she will ever change. I lot of my anger is actually fear that she will turn out just like her mother and instead of years of peace it will be drama.
2. My husband has a temper and is definitely not the push over type. I get frustrated with him a lot. On the other hand he is a generous man. He does love me, even when we are having problems. He shows me affection. More affection than I show him. He is hard working and would never cheat on me. We do laugh and have fun together. We also have times where we fight. I think everyone does though.
3. I respect my mother’s opinions and she knows he’s a good man. She said she knows how I feel and she agrees with me but also wanted me to try to see his side. She as a parent knows how badly you want to see your kids succeed and help them when they fail. She told me to not be so hard on him. Although she didn’t say it, I know she would think I was making a mistake if we were to divorce.
4. I’m a fighter. I have a temper too and I don’t like to back down. I can build a mountain out of a mole hill on nothing but pure spite power if I have to. I also don’t give up easily.
5. $700 isn’t going to put us in the poor house. We can afford it but it comes out of our savings. It can’t keep happening though. Big Idiot says it’s a one time thing. I’m not sure if I believe him.
In other news, this whole thing has only helped my weight loss. There is nothing like marital problems to help with a diet. I’m down about 15 lbs now and I still have quite a bit more to go to get down to where I was when I met him. The funny thing is that he doesn’t like me losing weight. He even blamed what he called my new “combativeness” on me “not being able to eat what I want”. Whatever the f that means. I feel so much better. I’ve been eating a lot of vegetables, and actually enjoying them for the first time ever. He said he prefers me heavier (I guess I should feel lucky) but I said I wasn’t happy with myself.
Anyway I just thought I’d share some of the thoughts running through my head this week. I still have a lot of processing to go through.