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SD’s Imaginary Admirers

AlmostGone83's picture

Does anyone else’s skids have “imaginary admirers”? My SD18.5 often tells us stories of people who compliment her looks (the stories are always vague and alway conveniently happening when we are never around). For example, yesterday she says 

“People tell me all the time that I’m too pretty for the military”

Other statements include...

”Lots of boys in school would tell me I was beautiful and want to date me but I always said no” (She has never been on a date)

”When I went to ____, a boy was hitting on me”

Now SD is a plain Jane, but the way she claims boys are falling all over her, you’d think she was a super model.

I have never witnessed once instance of flirting, hitting on or even a second look cast her way.

Does anyone else’s skids have these phantom admirers?


tog redux's picture

My SS once told DH he had a "vast network of friends", while he, DH, only had 1 or 2.  Pretty sure he meant all of his online video game friends. It was total projection.

Sad. Just a way to feel better about themselves, but it's delusional and verging on narcissistic.

Petronella's picture

Every male between the ages of 10 to 70 is constantly hitting on SD, in her mind. 

With the corollary that every girl and woman hates SD and is jealous. 

It’s so tiresome. We ignore it when she starts up on this topic. 


Iamwoman's picture

Not skids, but HCBM thinks any man who holds a door for her, or says “hi” is flirting with her. She is probably at the bottom of most men’s list, so it’s obviously all in her head.

GrabitAndGo's picture

Have a little fun and call her out on it, but in a sly way.  "Huh, SD.  How come none of these guys are complimenting you or hitting on you when your dad and I are around?  I guess they must be too intimidated by your parents' presence to approach you, though, when I was your age that never stopped a boy from flirting with me!"

Jcksjj's picture

SD doesnt yet but shes only in second grade so...its coming. She does think all the other kids are jealous of her already though. BM is absolutely hilarious with that type of stuff though. Used to tell DH that men who had broken up with her and she kept chasing wouldnt leave her alone. Fishes for compliments hard on social media and if she doesnt get the ones shes looking for will compliment herself on her own pictures ..for instance she apparently looks like an anime doll that never ages lmao. Her bio describes herself as a tiny princess. I think all of that is absolutely hilarious BUT she also makes false abuse claims and that part is more concerning to me and I'm more afraid of SD following that since she already has in minor ways.

Petronella's picture

omg that is so hilarious. My SD also consistently refers to herself as tiny, a little child etc, and brags about how little she weighs, how easily people can lift her up, how her hands are so small she can’t grasp or carry heavy things, etc. My favorite was the time she couldn’t eat the dinner we’d given her because her “mouth doesn’t open that wide.” Oh yeah she picks at and wastes her food as well. 

Its such an unhealthy way to view oneself.

Jcksjj's picture

Yeah idk why it seems to be such a common thing. Bragging about a sensitive topic such as weight doesnt endear yourself to most people. Also if you really are that tiny it's pretty obvious and doesnt need to be pointed out. 

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

My SD12 is an ordinary looking girl for her age.  She constantly stares at pictures pf herself as a baby and claims she was adorable.  The truth is that she was a homely baby.  She looked like a boy.  I would never say that to her or DH.  But the truth is that she has gotten prettier with age.  I just roll my eyes when she talks about how she was so pretty.  My DH is partially to blame for this, as he pushes how pretty she is.  Sometimes, I think he does it because she doesn't get complimented as much as other girls in our extended family.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

My stepbrat (long before I met DH) was a sullen, basically unattractive looking baby. I had no idea a baby could look miserable wtf? 

He looked okay for a time when he was a young child but not anymore. I’m aghast and horrified at how he’s morphed into looking like biohag. Combine his homely countenance with his outrageous hygiene and lack of physical activity and yikes!

My kids are normal looking but girls do like my DS. He’s kind of cute and has a goofy sense of humor. Even his female teacher adores him. I’m very worried about the teen years that will come in a few years.


GrabitAndGo's picture

Confidence is attractive, cockiness is not.  

One of my oldest and best friends as always been on the medium side of cute.  She wasn't prettiest of my friends, and she wasn't the smartest.  She's always, always had self-confidence, though.  Being attractive to guys?  If they liked her, great.  If they didn't, another one would come along shortly.  Even when we were teenagers she wasn't plagued with the insecurities so many of the rest of us were.  I told her she needed to bottle whatever she had and sell it.  She'd be a billionaire.  

Jcksjj's picture

Definitely. I also feel that if you have confidence you probably dont feel it's necessary to point out things like how skinny or attractive you are. Or think you are. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Hot button issue for me, so please forgive the long response.

My DH's younger daughter is like this. She comes from a long line of mental illness (both her BM and BGM have been institutionalized for it) is likely BPD, and lies fluidly and constantly. She lived with us during her teens, and at first DH and I thought she was making up little stories to impress us (example - she claimed that she had vacationed with a friend in Samoa, but she had no idea which Samoa, where it was located, couldn't describe any stops or what the airplane was like, and had no type of I.D. or passport.). We could not have been more wrong.

YSD lied about everything, with a special focus on how popular she was and how many boys liked her. If a friend dropped her, it was because that friend couldn't handle that YSD was prettier. She would weave stories and fantasies, and trip herself up by lying about things of which she had no depth of knowledge. If I sent her around the corner for milk, she'd come back with a tale of a horrible car accident; she thought the handsome (married) cashier at the grocery store had the hots for her; and a teacher called to share that YSD had told the whole class she had been accepted to University X (an expensive private, oceanside school) despite not having the grades and application season not having begun. We went through four different therapists, with YSD easily twisting two of them around her finger. Only the last saw through her and what he referred to as "her problem with fiction",  but once YSD turned 18 she started skipping her appointments with him. By then, I was too exhausted to care. No one would offer a diagnosis,  help was hard to find, and no amount of talking, reasoning, or punishing YSD made any difference.

Having to live with someone you cannot trust is soul sapping and a form of victimization, even if the liar isn't lying in order to manipulate or for personal gain. I think a lot of CODs start lying when they're little, and without correction it becomes first a habit and later a character trait. DH and I made the decision to disengage from YSD over a decade ago. We have only heard from her twice, both times when she was hard up and wanted something from us. We have a zero tolerance policy for liars, and I recently ended a friendship due to lying. Hypersensitive? Perhaps a bit, but I just don't want people with that energy in my life.


Plantmom's picture

Wow  that is exhausting. I think the lying begins when they start making up things about the non-custodial parent to tell their friends at school. SD tried to get out of getting in trouble because her dad is "military police" and she tells her friends all these lies about our house. No one sees it so we must live in a mansion!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I think it often begins when children are very young, and doesn't always have to do with societal pressures. Many small children lie, and if they aren't corrected swiftly and consistently, or if there's an adult in the home modeling similar behavior, it can become a habit and coping mechanism.

YSD's mother lied a lot. She also neglected YSD, so I can understand YSD lying to get attention and reshape her less than desirable reality of being a poor welfare kid with a crazy mom living in one bedroom apartments in an upper middle class community.  Unfortunately, lying became her norm and the clash of real life vs her false narratives became more and more difficult for YSD to control. Friends dropped her, bosses fired her, and boys dumped her because she believed her own spin. The older YSD got, the more complicated life became and the harder it became to keep her fantasies straight, her relationships separate, and maintain her webs of lies. YSD is in her thirties now and found some dummy to marry her, but I doubt she and her father will ever reconcile. There's no way she would risk him meeting us and learning facts that are certain to diametrically oppose her version of reality.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

When I was a girl my neighbor who was around the same age was a COD like me. She told absolutely BS stories about her absent father (I never saw him.) I mean crazy, stupid sh!t like her dad was a spy for the QUEEN! Note: I didn’t grow up in the UK. Lol! Her story about why her dad wasn’t around changed a lot.

Meanwhile, I didn’t GAF about that kind of stuff as a kid.

Notup4it's picture

This is actually sad.  I think there is so much pressure on teens and young adults to look and be a certain way, it must be crushing for them. 

I know back when I was a teenager it was magazines that impacted self esteem, now it is just plastered all over social media/YouTube, etc etc and just soooooo much more in your face. My DD is 13 and is very petite and attractive (not being bias), she does have a lot of (very annoying, and it has actually recently become a major problem) boys chasing her.... she doesn’t brag ever, but I can tell with small things her self esteem takes heavy hits directly because of what she sees on social media.

i am totally not meaning to be a buzz kill, and I know it is somewhat funny with the unwarranted bragging.... but I think that we also as women have to recognize what these girls are going through right now.  It is a totally different world. Take a look on YouTube and how these “celebrities” talk themselves up.... I think that is 99% where this comes from. It is actually pretty depressing.

Jcksjj's picture

Idk...I think alot of the girls described on here and definitely BMs truly think that highly of themselves. I dont think it's always actually borne out of insecurity. If I'm feeling insecure I usually try to bring less attention to myself, not more. Maybe some people handle it in the opposite manner, but alot of these stories scream conceited more than insecure to me. I think what you're saying in general is true but since coddling and putting kids on a pedestal is a reoccurring theme on this site and also narcissistic BMs I'm inclined to believe that's not what's happening alot of times.

Notup4it's picture

That very well could be the case too.  I think it goes both directions.... some do it because they really feel they are hot $h!t and some because they feel so low and need a little ego stroke.  I also think the ones that think they are all that make those with lesser self esteem feel like crap and feel like something is wrong with them because they don’t feel THAT great about themselves too. 

I will still stand by that social media reallly complicates it all and amplifies it though.


Jcksjj's picture

Oh yeah social media is terrible in both ways. Makes anyone already insecure feel worse as they compare themselves to the perfected internet version of other people's lives and also provides a platform for undeserved "celebrity" for attention seekers. I'm glad Facebook wasnt that popular until I was out of high school and I hope the social media trend has died out some before my kids get older but that probably isn't that likely.

Notup4it's picture

Didn’t you know that “Facebook is for old people”? Lol. My DD and her friends don’t care about Facebook at all (and say it is only for “old” people), it is all about Instagram, YouTube and Snapchat, and a few others. 

I think that at least on FB people at times post some things with some content.... the others are even worse and are fully all about this fake image/instant celebrity thing. 

At least with the magazines and TV shows we could escape them.... you wouldn’t be judged for not buying a magazine.  With social media now you can’t really escape it and it is a major way that they communicate and connect.  Totally agree that it gives narcissists a platform, and I think though all around it affects all of their self esteem, and provides them a really crappy example of how to view themselves and the world.

Jcksjj's picture

Hahaha i have heard that actually. Most of my friends actually dont use it anymore either even though I'm probably straddling the line of being an "old person" lol. I'm hoping the shameless self promotion on any platform is less of a thing over time but I'm doubting that will happen. 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Get her away from social media and get her doing hobbies, crafts, reading real books etc.

Chmmy's picture

My very average SD is her own admirer. She puts on tons of makeup and does her hair to sit in her room and take pictures of herself to post on fb & insta so her aunties can tell her how pretty she is. She is cute when she fixes herself up with lots of make up and finds the right lighting and angle. We sure spent a lot of $$ on makeup for Christmas so she can take fake pics.

Better than the size 12 bikini pics she takes and posts ewww. 

Evil3's picture

My SD29 was always the biggest attention whore, especially when it came to her looks. She actually was very beautiful, but over time, probably starting at age 20 and up, she started to change. SD always does two selfies on social media every second day or so. One selfie is a facial shot of her doing those ridiculous duck lips with an overly arched eyebrow being arched even more. I don't even know how she does it. The other selfie is a body shot. I'm really enjoying the karma right now, because SD has really lost a lot of her looks. Over time, she ended up becoming plain looking and now, with her recently microblading job, she looks a little less than average. SD has always wanted to show everyone that she's the most superior looking female that ever lived. She also likes to prove how many friends she has and how many people love her. She used to love posting pics of her BF giving her a kiss to show how much she's loved. Well, the last couple of group selfies of her and some girlfriends have shown that SD is clearly the least pretty of them all. She looks like Groucho Marx with her stupid eyebrows and she just looks weird. I'm actually really enjoying that karma. It would kill SD if she ever thought the she wasn't the greatest being for a change.


Jcksjj's picture

The thing is, no matter how beautiful you are A. You aren't everyone's type and B. You still arent really special based on that alone because there will always be someone else more beautiful. Theres plenty of attractive women in the world. It seems like the overarching theme is wanting to be special and unique and above others and honestly being pretty doesnt make you either of those. 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Drives me crazy! I’m more concerned with my health and expanding my knowledge than my looks.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Wow she sounds like a narcissist! Beauty fades. Dumb is forever. I’m low maintenance, always have been. I have had men when I was younger drooling over me and I didn’t notice! Someone would tell me. I’m not beautiful, just attractive. IDK why they were drooling? I don’t have tattoos; I have excellent hygiene. I take care of my teeth.

One guy was wild for me because I like sci-fi and I was fit and slim at the time. 

If I wear makeup I look kind of pretty I guess but I can’t be arsed. 

Nick79's picture

Yeah, mine makes it seem like she is the cool kid in school. Reality is she is the fat loser of the group. My stepkid will be the starter girl hate to say. My husband tells about the ugly fat girls he had sex with to practice on, in my mind I am like payback