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Not cut out for raising a skidult

AlmostGone83's picture

I think raising Little Idiot (SD19.5) has been the most challenging thing I have ever done. I say "raising" because even though she is over the age of 19, she still has a looooong way to go before she is an actual adult.

Tonight she has a pity party for herself because unlike in the past, she now has to spend her work money on bills: gas, car insurance, and paying us back for the money that we spent having your car shipped up here and putting new tires on it. Her student loan was denied because she is already getting the maximums amount of financial aid so BI had her apply for a 6-month no interest credit card to pay us back, getting our name off her $900 debt. She will have no trouble paying it back though because she will get a FAFSA refund that will cover it in about a month and a half. 

She is LUCKY to have all her college paid for, including books but still decided to have a pity party because she is "broke" after working 20hrs at minimum wage and having to pay for a few bills. Boo-freakin-hoo. We told her welcome to adulthood. Be glad she doesn't have to worry about student loans and has a roof over her head and food while she gets an associates degree. She will have some money left over each month for "fun" and with all these refunds, she will be fine.

Ugh I'm so sick of her thinking buying expensive shoes and clothes when you're working as a hostess part-time is normal. Oh and she got her first grade today in her sociology class: a 70% on a paper about "the origin of her first name". We are off to a good start here. In other news, in her remedial math class they are studying addition and subtraction and she got a 100% on her first quiz. Let's throw a parade. Seriously? Addition and subtraction in college???

The only positive thing is that I'm glad BI is putting the debt in her name (despite the pouting) and is coming down hard on her. She said she was "depressed" during the pity party. We told her to go see a Dr. then. Oh and I told her she's going to school full time in the summer (if possible). She wasn't happy because she might have to fork over a couple hundred in books instead of buying another pair of overpriced chunky fugly shoes. Oh well. Life is hard when you have to "adult"

I'm not sure how she will handle all the fun of paying rent on her own while working full time after her associates but then, not my problem. She will be 21 and time to gtfo.


thinkthrice's picture

getting a CC without a co signer? How do we know for sure that BI didn't put your name down or his on the application as a cosigner?
I would be highly suspicious since I believe you mentioned you do all the finances for the household and for the business but now BI is getting involved getting her a CC?
LI is at 2nd grade math level. 70% for a report on her first name? Sorry, that is abysmal. Seems she is reading and writing at a 3rd grade level as well.
Pity party after week one?
Yep she's going to drop out when she realizes she'll need to be in school for at least six years before she gets her 2 yr degree. I predict she's already trash talking you guys to the Skunk Ape as well.

And that refund? Have you made arrangements to get it directly because if she gets her hot little hands on it it will be instantaneously spent on a shoes, clothing and makeup junket. At which point she will play dumb and act contrite.

AlmostGone83's picture

The credit card didn't require a co-signer. From what I'm reading, most don't. I was there for this whole process as well. BI might have his faults, but he would never sign me or himself as a co-signer without my knowledge. 

Her first score is low, (thankfully it's not weighted very heavily) and we are going to keep an eye on her grades, but last semester the same thing happened and she brought her grades up to B so we will see. It was one grade in one class and she got a 100 on her math test. She is above addition/subtraction and all that. Not quite to college level but definitely way above that. 

We know how much the refund is and I know she will use it to pay off the card when she gets it. She doesn't want to be in debt. She'd rather we pay but that's going to happen so she was having a pity party because she is realizing that when you are an adult you work and most of your money goes to in-fun things (in her case car insurance, gas, tires, the shipping cost etc). Still, she's going to have plenty of money left over for shoes and clothes. 

tog redux's picture

Well - it is your choice to raise this skidult - you could move out, or just disengage, and just let BI handle it.  I know none of those are what you want, but in the end you still have made a choice to do the parenting of this skid.

Addition and subtraction are the building blocks of math, and if kids don't have a strong grasp on them (crazy as that sounds), then they can't do any higher level math - so it's part of a review of math to get them up to higher concepts.

20 isn't like 20 was when we were kids, lots of them seem very young and struggling to become adults. Not all of them - but I have two nieces with good parents who are in that age range and struggling with this transition.

AlmostGone83's picture

I understand it's my choice. I am just venting on here. And yes I know they are the building blocks but I feel like if you're at that level (essentially 10ish years behind)  then one 3-month course isn't going to be able to catch you up unless you suddenly develop an extraordinary amount of motivation. I expect her to be way above that, and she is, but no need to have a parade for acing addition and subtraction. 

It's not always fun being an adult and leaving childhood behind but we all have to cross that bridge. I think some of the reason we still see 25 year olds as "kids" these days, needing to live at home because they "can't" function in the real world is because we don't expect as much out of them. We don't hold them to any standards. She doesn't seem "young" to me so much as immature, and that's because up until now she's never been forced to have maturity. 

tog redux's picture

I agree, passing basic math doesn't require a parade, but the reality is - that's where she is in her academics, which probably means she isn't college material, quite frankly.

I think times have changed a lot in many ways - we weren't helicopter parented, or bombarded by 24/7 news about how dangerous the world is; we didn't spend hours on social media seeing how everyone else had those awesome shoes we want, and how many likes they got for their sexy selfies - etc.  We also weren't pressured to go to college (by high schools) if we weren't college material, now that's the expected route, whether it's realistic or not.

I didn't mean to sound judgy saying it's your choice - just trying to empower you to think about your other choices. You seem very stuck, and from the outside, it doesn't seem like you are. 

Frankly, IMO - LI needs to go get a full-time job at minimum wage or whatever she can get and work there for year. Then she might value college more, or maybe not - but either way, you guys wouldn't have to watch over her like she's in 6th grade.  And maybe she'd grow up a bit.


justmakingthebest's picture

I can't remember, sorry!, do you guys have a plan on how long she will be able to live there?

I personally don't have a problem with a skidault living at home if they are going to school and working. It is smart to try to pay for as much of their education as they can without loans or paying the loans while they are still enrolled. It also saves a fortune in room and board if they can get away with it. Many colleges make you room the 1st year. 

My issues with adults still living with mommy and daddy comes about 6 months after graduation. OR if they still haven't figured out their program or changed majors 47 times and are still a year or 2 from graduating at the age of 23. 

At 23 I had lived on my own for going on 5 years, married, a child, owned 2 homes. I am not suggesting my life for anyone else but at 23, get your own damn apartment and a roommate. Figure it out. 

tog redux's picture

Well, every generation thinks the next one is a failure - it's just how it goes. Things change. And in many ways, have improved greatly. 

thinkthrice's picture

always swings hard in the opposite direction.  Never a medium. 

Harry's picture

I am sure other students got in the 90 on there test.  This will not be weighted much.  First semester is normally a easy semester and she is also taking some High school level classes.  So she she should be doing great at college now,  It's only going to get harder 

thinkthrice's picture

to ease the baby into the bathwater.   This.will.not.go.well.

Again, she has the same lack of mental acumen as my skids and SD21 was in the exact same remedial courses, was supposed to be doing Criminal Justice degree but ended up dropping out before the first semester ended.  She just could not keep up due to being BABIED for the first 19 yrs of her life.  Girhippo's motto:  if something is distasteful to my precious then precious doesn't have to do it.  Including, brushing, eating  proper diet, homework, school work, school attendance, picking up after oneself. etc.  If it wasn't 24/7 fun, FUN,  FUN  then they didn't do it. 

The similarities are stunning!  LI nearly burned the house down using the stove.   The Animal Torturer (SD21) nearly burned the house down using the dryer.

advice.only2's picture

My BS was acting this same way right after he graduated high school whining about having to work part time and go to school part time.

The opportunity for him to move out presented itself and DH and I graciously agreed to pay his rent for him. BS was shoved out into the cruel harsh world of bills and adulting with very little cushion from us other than his rent was covered.

That was over a year ago, since then he got a full time job, is going to school part time and has learned the value of adulting. He moved back in with us last week due to roommate issues, but his attitude from over a year ago is night and day.

I would recommend should the opportunity present itself shove LI out into that cuel hard world on her own and watch her attitude change.